[jabulon23]

I have always been curious about my biological family, but I live in GA where records are sealed. I registered here in 2001 and provided all info I had at the time, yet no one has attempted to contact me in any way. I moved about 3 years ago and my e-mail and phone number are different, so I figured it couldn't hurt to re-register.
After thinking a while, I have tried to imagine what I would do if I were the biological family. It seems only logical that in this day and age, the first place one would begin searching would be online. Perhaps in 2001 internet use was not as common as it is today, but nevertheless if you simply do a Google search for international adoption registry, this website is the first link that appears. Logically one would assume it would be the first place to check. This leads me to assume that either no one has searched for me at all, that they have searched but decided not to attempt to make contact-whether for my own good or because they had no desire, or that they are deceased. None of these possibilities is particularly positive.
The bottom line here is this: should I just assume the worst, or continue hoping that some day I will be contacted by someone? The only way in GA that adoption records can be opened is by court order, and even if a judge sees fit to open my records, my understanding is that if the biological parents do not consent, I will never know anything. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[txrnr]

Depending on the age of your bfamily, they may not be saavy on the internet, or they may feel they have no right to look for you. I know, as an adoptee, I worry about disrupting their family, their world. I think bfamilies could feel the same.

Many people want to know, they just are overwhelmed by what they need to do to find out.

[bakerjw]

I think the first question is, "do you want to find your biological family?" You can register and wait or start the search yourself. Oftentimes in adoption neither side wants to make the first step for fear of intruding on the other. If you want it then you may have to initiate it.

Assuming that you are open to a search.
Is this the only place that you've registered? There are a lot of them out there. There is also the ISRR at ISRR - International Soundex Reunion Registry

Many states also have mutual consent registries as well as Confidential Intermediary programs. Your birth family may have already registered on one if it exists in Alabama. Get familiar with what the state offers.

Do you have any non identifying information? You can get it from the state as well as the agency if you know who it was. If not, then the state should be able to provide some of that information too.

Most agencies offer some form of search assistance. A lot like dangling a carrot in front of us and making us jump through hoops like counseling.

Hope some of this helps. A lot of us have been through all of the steps that I've outlined a bit and are willing to advise any way that we can.
Best wishes.

[jabulon23]

That's interesting-I hadn't thought about the bio parents feeling they had no to right to connect, and certainly never considered concerned myself with the possibility of disrupting their lives in some way. Thanks-this actually does help a bit.

[jabulon23]

Thank you, I will look into that. If it helps you at all, you should know that as an adoptee I have no ill will towards my bio parents-just a lot of questions. It's difficult to know who you are when you don't know where you come from. Best of luck on your search.

[annierose]

Jabulon23
I am a birth sibling who has searched off and on for the past 14 years for my adoptee sibling, I registered at many sites and ISSR, filled out release papers with the courts, contacted the adoption agency, all sorts of things, and beleive it or not, just this past year I discovered this site. This is the site where I found my sibling's post, posted 9 years ago. We always feared that contact would dissrupt my siblings life, but took a chance and we have been in reunion. Never close an open door because you never know.

[sparkybites]

I am a bmom and I wanted to find my daughter but I was afraid I would upset her life. I searched the internet for 15 years hoping she was searching for me. I just figured like you did, that in this day in time if she was looking for me I would find a post. I also posted, in hopes that she was search for me. I found her last November, but I had help from a detective. I was very nervous to contact her, but long story short, our reunion was a happy one. She was very happy I found her. She is 38 years old, very smart, but she never really got into the internet. She never even knew about all of the adoption sites. So, it might be the same with your bmom. She might not know about these sites either. I know I was shocked that my daughter never knew. Anyway, we are so happy we found each other, so if I were you I would not stop searching. Most birth moms think about their babies everyday. I know my life has been a living nightmare. I did not want to surrender my baby, but back in 1971 that's just the way it was. You can't ever be sure what the outcome is going to be, so you need to be prepared. I wish I would have decided to get help in my search a long time ago, but my fears kept me from finding her. One thing I was told when I was searching is that sometimes the birthdates can be altered some how. Do you have any info on the bmom. I didn't have any info on the aparents, but we still found her. Does your parents know you are wanting to find you bparents?
I am here for you if you need to talk. I just became a member several days ago. This is my first time to ever talk about my feelings to anyone and I found everyone to be very helpful and supportive.
Kathy Lynn

[jabulon23]

Thank you so much for your very thoughtful post. I guess me and everyone I know use the internet so frequently, it's hard for me to imagine those who do not. After seeing how difficult it would be to go through the official methods in GA-records are sealed and the judge will not generally open them without the birth parents' consent, I knew I might go through all that and still never know. I wish I had the money to hire an attorney and private detective, but it's just not feasible right now. My adoptive parents are aware and supportive of my search, but there's not a lot that can be done. My Dad asked a lawyer friend about it years ago and he said he would help in any way possible at no charge, but he never did a thing. At the time this occured, my Dad had a position of some authority with the county. When he retired, all those people that were always so willing to help him with just about anything pretty much stopped talking to him-my assumption being that since he was no longer in a position to help them, they had no use for him anymore.
My parents even asked the local attorney that handled the adoption to give them some basic info at least-nothing that would be unethical, just a little background and he would not. He believes it is a bad idea to seek out one's birth parents and will not help in any way. So at this point searching on these type of websites is pretty much my only option.
I'm glad you had a happy reunion and hope that it helped heal the emotional scars of having given up your child. It couldn't have been an easy decision, but the fact that you gave her the gift of life rather than choosing to have an abortion was a very noble and selfless act. The first thing I would do if I made contact with my bio family is tell them just that, and let them know I do not hate them. I just feel like the puzzle of my life will never be solved until this issue is resolved for good or ill. God bless you and the other bio parents out there for the tremendous sacrifice they mad.

[St3v3n]

Jabulon, I was adopted in Georgia too (don't live there any more), and going to the court is not the only option for getting information. You should get in touch with the Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry. They will provide you with non-identifying information for a very reasonable fee. I got 5 single-spaced pages of information. After that, for a larger fee, they will act as a Confidential Intermediary and do a search for your bfamily based on the information in your file. They will ask the bfamily for consent to put you in touch with them. Even if the bfamily refuses contact, the agency will attempt to get many of your questions answered so at least you have something.

[St3v3n]

By the way, I just sent in my search request to the Georgia Adoption Reunion Registry last week. I'll almost certainly post on this forum when I hear something...

[sarasketch]

I understand your position because it is very similar to mine. I was adopted through Jewish Family Services in VA through a closed adoption. When I turned 21 I contacted the adoption agency and went through the process of re-opening my adoption case. The social worker at JFS (Jewish Family Services) was able to contact my birth mother fairly easily. However after speaking to her, it became clear that my birth mother was not in an emotional position where she could speak with me - let alone meet me. She had a family and had never told them that she had given up a baby for adoption when she was younger. However, she told the social worker that she had always waited for the day this phone call would come.
It was incredibly difficult for me to realize just how close I had come (only one person "between" us) in communicating with her, and to be quite honest it was torture-some. I tried to see the reasoning from her perspective, but on a deeper level I felt (and still feel) deeply deprived of what I feel is a birthright - to know my birth mother's face at least. There are so many aspects of myself that are different from my adoptive parents and questions I have of course.

I have not tried to recontact her yet, but lately the idea has been floating around in my mind again. Perhaps when her other children are older she might possibly feel that she can connect with me - at least over the phone. Until then, I don't know what I can do.

It's not something that consciously impacts me on a daily basis, but it is an underlying current that flows through my experiences.

I wish you the best of luck and please keep us updated!

[firstmom47]

Please don't give up. Many people only register in their own state registry, or on one site that you may not have seen. Some are put off by the "corporate" look of some sites.
I found my birthson on another site, send message if you want to know which one, and he had only posted on one very, very obscure place. They found him quickly and for no charge.
This is a great site, but each person has a different take on what they see when they log in to a site--and there are so many, most people can't make themselves put info on too many places.
Good luck!

[SoniaRose]

Never give up --you never know who could be looking for you. I was found at age 54 by some cousins of my bdad who always wondered what happened to that baby given up for adoption. My bparents were both deceased, but I now know who they were and have seen their pictures.

Just keep your contact information up to date on all the registries -- and keep searching the Net from time to time. Sometimes it's a half-sib who learns that his/her parent had once relinquished a child, and then that half-sib initiates a search. There are lots of possible scenarios. So never give up...