[imprttuner2]

I am curious...

So many of the threads I read are about Birth Mothers Searching... but what about the Birth Fathers...

I know that, depending on the situation, Birth Mothers tend to have more of a connection, but I know how my Dad (a) looks at me, and that he would do anything for me.

Please, any birthfathers on this sight, please chime in here. Do y'all feel a draw to know? Also, does anyone know the stats on Birth mum's and dad's that were together at the time when the adoption took place or are now?

Thanks for any feedback!

X-Posting this in the Birthparents Section as well. I'm curious from dif portions of the triad.

[KittyMay]

My bfather remained part of my bmom's life up until he died last December. I did not ever get to meet him, but was told that he quietly paid for a PI to find me. He made my bsister promise to never stop looking for me. I guess my situation was unique in the way that the whole family was aware of me, on both sides and even the grandma's and grandpa's wished to have seen me before they died. Although they weren't together, my bfather married my bmom's sister, they did remain in contact for the duration of his life.

[ripples]

Staff from my local post-adoption resource centre here in Australia said that they get more calls from bmothers. I've also noticed that the adoptee support group has few men attending.

FYI, I'd posted a similar thread about the impact of adoption on bfathers and had a few answers How are birth fathers impacted? Thoughts on Broken Flowers film

I'd be interested to know what ever info you find out about how many bfathers search.

[dklevy]

My daughter's bfather and I weren't together since I was about 3/4 months along. He stayed in contact with me and knew about the adoption plans but didn't support them. We stopped contact shortly after the adoption. Just last monthe, over 11 years later, he found me again. He has a letter written to her parents but I don't know if he'll send it. He didn't have to search because I had already found her!

I think it's easier in general for guys to forget and put it out of their heads. Not only is it how mother nature wired them for life, but they don't have the nine months of bonding and the hours of labor.

Our situation is like yours in that everyone knows. Bdad now has pics [although outdated] of his only child on his myspace page. She has never been a secret that I kept. Not even from strangers. Apparently bdad talked openly about her too. I am glad because I think that will make SE happy to one day know everyone still thought about her often.

[imprttuner2]

Thank you all for your responses. I had started thinking about this when I called a friend near fathers day. We are both adopted and on our non-id info sheets it's almost word for word.

"Not much info about birthfather known. {insert generic nationality info}. BFather may have been married."

Curiosity kills me sometime, and as I wait for the first letter from my birthmother I cant help but think of him too.

[educatedguess]

I just connected with a man who is listed in my adoption papers as my biological father. The circumstances were an unfortunate one night stand with my bmother while bfather was "black out" drunk. She told him they had sex. He didnt remember anything at all.

Months after I was put up for adoption, bmother contacted bfather telling him she was pregnant and gave the child up. He, at that time, did not even have a way to confirm that she was ever, in fact, pregnant. He had assumed she was lying to stir up trouble or get back at home for not seeing her after their rendezvous.

...Until he saw a thread I posted on cousinconnect.com. It wasn't until that time that he thought there was even a chance of her confession being the truth. That's why he didn't look for me.

We just connected yesterday... spoke for hours and he is excited about the possibilities. We don't know for sure if he is or is not the bfather (bmother was seeing someone else at the time of their rendezvous) but now that he knows there is a chance, he has offered everything he has to help me sort it out... even if he isn't the bfather.

I think you would be surprised at the number of bfathers who are never notified. And the number of bmothers who are unsure who the bfather is, etc.

[Xdad]

I searched, but I could have made two phone calls the whole time. I didn't do so because of our verbal agreement... that lasted 15 years, then I gave up on my word and made contact. I had searched quietly on the internet since 1997, and finally found a picture in 2007.
We plan to meet for the first time in 3 weeks.
There are all kinds of people and reasons.

[lowohms]

xdad, i know the feeling, and we search however the stigma of being the "bad guy" all the time kinda sucks. If you can lay low for now (you know what i mean) and let us all know how it goes after. Good Luck my friend.