[Netgirl]

I am meeting my birth family, which includes my birth mother and siblings, later this month and I would like to bring them each a gift but I don't really have any great ideas. If anyone has been in this situation and has some ideas I am open to suggestions, please!

[bakerjw]

Haven't been in the situation yet but I wouldn't get carried away. I would think that maybe pictures of you as you grew up would be the best thing. They probably will see all kinds of resemblances and it may speed the process along if they can relate to you on the "primordial" (for lack of a better word) level.

Hope it goes great for you.
Best wishes.

[Netgirl]

Thank you for the input bakerjw, I like your point of view and I wouldn't have to stress about it. I'm already nervous about the trip but I don't want to miss an opportunity and find out afterward that I should have done something in addition to... so hearing that makes it easier.

[emmacj]

When I met my birthfather, we made a collage of photographs of myself growing up (mind you, I was only 12 ) and framed it to give it to him. It wasn't big, just a little something, and he appreciated it very much. As for his kids, I just got them each a toy, as they were only little.

My b/father gave me an album of photos of himself when he was younger, as well as of his children. It was beautifully made, gold trimming, white cloth cover.. That was slightly over board I think. I treasure it now, but at the time it seemed to push me away a little.

Something simple, probably whatever first comes to your mind. I'm sure you'll do great

- Emma

[KittyMay]

Netgirl,
I'm meeting my bfamily next week after being found almost 50 years after the fact. I posted a similar question and decided on a beautiful photo album. I bought a very nice album at Hallmark and had pictures over the years reprinted plus I'm putting in some originals. I think that is a starting point. After I meet my bmom and bsisters, I'll know a bit more of what they like and then will have nice gift ideas for future events and holidays. A photo album gives a glimpse into your life, and just as much as I want to know about my bfamily, they want to know about me, so what better way than to "share" my life with a photo album. Congratulations on your reunion and I wish you the very best.

[Netgirl]

Thank you emmacj and Kitty for the picture ideas. I think my adopted mother has most of the photos from when I was growing up and she has eliminated me entirely from her life, so I don't have access to them. I do have a few random ones that I could copy and put in a book before the trip. I also like the idea of waiting to see what they like and getting them something later. Thank you for the best wishes, I am so nervous about this trip!

[snuffie]

Hi
Oh, that is so sad that your amom has eliminated you. Pictures would have been my idea too as that is what I brought along to my reunion. I also brought cheese! My brothers love cheese and live in a state that has a limited variety. If you can find a novelty in your area to bring along that might be something too. It did break the ice and the brother who had the reunion at his house actually hid his favorite!

Are there any relatives that would have taken pictures of you growing up? Some of my acousins have photos of me - some that I didn't know existed! You could ask if you could borrow them and make copies?


Snuffie

[imprttuner2]

I hate to ask but why has your mum eliminated you from her life. IMO she is making a huge mistake, since you seem like a very caring individual. I hope it's something that can be reconciled for both of your sakes.

As for gift...
well +1 on cheese... it's a universal good time.
+1 on pictures... That's what I would want from my b-family.
My idea... Jelly Bellies... nothing rocks more then a bowl of jelly bellies to snack on while you talk...

Best of luck with both of your families!

[Netgirl]

I don't see my acousins anymore for several reasons, one is that my aparents moved us to a different state, which is where I still live. They knew I was adopted before I did and I feel somewhat betrayed and they also don't seem to care whether or not they keep in touch with me. I used to go back a few times a year to visit arelatives (I didn't even know I was adopted yet) and they didn't go out of their way to invite me over to their homes or see me so I don't feel like I could ask them for anything. It's a great suggestion for someone who has a normal family which is not the case for me.

I need to look through the photos I have and see if there are any that would worth making copies of for them. I'll also think about what I could bring which would be relevant to where I live.

Thank you for the suggestions :-)

[Netgirl]

Originally Posted by imprttuner2

I hate to ask but why has your mum eliminated you from her life. IMO she is making a huge mistake, since you seem like a very caring individual. I hope it's something that can be reconciled for both of your sakes.

As for gift...
well +1 on cheese... it's a universal good time.
+1 on pictures... That's what I would want from my b-family.
My idea... Jelly Bellies... nothing rocks more then a bowl of jelly bellies to snack on while you talk...

Best of luck with both of your families!

My amom and I were never close and when I got divorced a few years ago she chose to side with my ex-husband and shun me. My afather and I were close but he passed away in 1997. Since then my mom has remarried which also added a whole new family for her. I don't dwell anymore but some days are much harder than others. I try to look toward a future of happiness and new relationships as I can't change the past and I can't make my amother like me.

Jelly bellies are a great idea. It's funny you mention them because I have some on my desk right now!

[imprttuner2]

I'm sorry to hear about that. Had a similar situation when I got divorced as well. She filed for divorce while I was in Iraq and everyone thought she was filing because I was a neglagant husband. I came back to the states and had to take a shuttle back to base and walk 3 miles back to my barracks. It wasnt till a month later they all found out that the real reason was because she had been cheating on me since 2 months before I left for Iraq. I'm sorry you're being put out like that. Sorry to drag it up and I hope you don't dwell on it to much. We're all rooting for ya!

Jelly Bellies are Key though

[KittyMay]

Netgirl,
Would it be possible to ask your amom for those pictures? You could just say it would mean so much to you for your reunion, that you, like everyone else is seeking to put purpose and family into your life and those pictures would mean so much to you. If it is like you say, then why would she want them anyway? I'm so sorry that happened to you. ((hugs)) I wish for you all the best. Another thought. If you are low on photo's, how about having a nice one taken now and put them in a locket for your bmom and siblings? A locket is a very personal, thoughtful gift and it contains the whole reason for the reunion, YOU...

[Netgirl]

Originally Posted by imprttuner2

I'm sorry to hear about that. Had a similar situation when I got divorced as well. She filed for divorce while I was in Iraq and everyone thought she was filing because I was a neglagant husband. I came back to the states and had to take a shuttle back to base and walk 3 miles back to my barracks. It wasnt till a month later they all found out that the real reason was because she had been cheating on me since 2 months before I left for Iraq. I'm sorry you're being put out like that. Sorry to drag it up and I hope you don't dwell on it to much. We're all rooting for ya!

Jelly Bellies are Key though

What a way to be treated while you've been serving our country she files and everyone takes her side. Nice. At least the truth has come out, but still, to take sides intitially and treat you that way was just shameful on their part.

I don't dwell on it so much anymore. I can't do anything about it and I've accepted that. My amother is controlling and self absorbed so there is no hope of reconciling this unless she steps forward. There are many things she has done in the past that she will not apologize for, including mental and physical abuse, which I asked her about in a letter a few years ago and her reply was that the discipline she gave me was to keep me under control. That was written in a birthday card to me last year. No apologies whatsoever. I was hopeful when I saw the card in the mailbox and that's what was in it. Basically, happy birthday and you were a bad person so you deserved to be treated like sh**.

This thread has gone from what should I bring when I meet my biological family to venting about my afamily. I needed to do it but I apologize for taking this on a different path.

[Netgirl]

Originally Posted by KittyMay

Netgirl,
Would it be possible to ask your amom for those pictures? You could just say it would mean so much to you for your reunion, that you, like everyone else is seeking to put purpose and family into your life and those pictures would mean so much to you. If it is like you say, then why would she want them anyway? I'm so sorry that happened to you. ((hugs)) I wish for you all the best. Another thought. If you are low on photo's, how about having a nice one taken now and put them in a locket for your bmom and siblings? A locket is a very personal, thoughtful gift and it contains the whole reason for the reunion, YOU...

There is no way I could contact her at this point. It would be humiliating for me and I just can't put myself in that situation. I have apologized to her for things I didn't do but I desperately wanted her back in my life when I was going through the divorce and she continued to shun me. She would be very upset if she knew I was meeting my biological family. I wasn't supposed to find out that I was adopted so this would have been a secret my entire life. As for her not wanting the photos anyway, this is about control. Yes, it would make sense that she wouldn't care if I had the photos but she is in control and I don't think she would give them up. I like the idea of a locket though. I'll check jewelry stores here to see if they have them in stock.

Thank you for the feeback, I appreciate the support and insight.