[stacers21]

It seems like there are never ending dead-ends for me in this search for my birthmom. how do you deal with the let down and the fact taht it seems she's not even looking for me. it makes my heart hurt to think she's not even LOOKING for me. has she ever looked?

[kathigary]

Ever heard the saying - looking for a needle in a haystack. The search can be that way as well. It took me 6 years to find my daughter after she turned 18 (I was looking before that). It was a twist of fate that I was able to find her.

Hang in there and keep looking!!!!!! How are you searching??? What have you tried?

Kathi

[txrnr]

Many bmom's were told NOT to look, led to believe it was in your best interest, or that it was even illegal. There also seems to be a lot of the "I'm not going to disrupt their life, but here if they look" type of scenarios. (I tend to be one of those) If she isn't looking, please don't assume that means she doesn't care.

It would help if you let us know what you've tried. Some people here have a ton of experience and may have more ideas. If you're comfortable letting us know what state, that helps too.

Good luck, and you are certainly not alone in what you're feeling.

[curiositykitten]

I felt like that with my bmom. We're just sort of beginning to sort out our reunion. One thing I learned, I had registered with the state reunion, she didn't. She had registered with the ALMA registry for years, I hadn't.

You never know if someone is looking or not.

[nilesgirl]

Stacers21, My birthmother felt she had no right to interfere with my life AND she had no clue how to start looking even if she wanted to since the records in the state I was relinquished in has sealed records. Don't presume that she doesn't think about you or want know you just because there is no indication that there is a match in a registry you've signed up with or you don't find her on this website. She may be hoping that by some miracle you will want to find her and that you will seek her out.

Have you sent for your non-identifying information yet???

[conn]

There are organizations out there that will search for you and they provide all the info you need to make contact .It all comes for a price however--If you have the means I highly recommend it. This is how I found my B.Mom and half sis. Very glad because my B.Mom died 7 and a half years after we were reunited. If you were legally adopted with a record on file then your birth parent can be found. If deceased then you should be given the next of kins info. Good Luck to all.

[stacers21]

my adoption was set up through my bmom's ob/gyn and his records were purged 5 years ago. i was born in NY and my adopted parents told me that since it was a private adoption i will have a hard time finding anything. I guess i dont really know where else to look.

[wishfulthinker]

Dead ends are so frustrating. I just try to change my focus to my family and go do something fun with my kids to take my mind off of the frustration. Then I come back and start where I left off with the search.

I keep reminding myself that whether or not my search is ever completed, it's my own family that matters the most and I know where they are - right here wanting my attention.

Good luck and hang in there!

[Dickons]

If your name was legally changed to that of your adopted family then there is a court record of the adoption.

Kind regards,
Dickons