[Alexander719]

Why do i feel so lonely?

Great A-parents. Loving. Great Values. Kept me out of jail.

Great Girlfriend. After sampling almost all of them I fell for the nicest - and most loyal - one.

Great Job - Firefighter for 15 years.

Great Second Job - I'm a singer in a big band - a la Sinatra

Great Swing Dancer - I taught Jitterbug and Lindyhop in NYC for 2 years.

So WTF is my problem? Why at age 39 is something missing?

This is why I'm beginning my search.

[Nalyd_loved_forever]

Hi Alexander.

I am not an adoptee. I am an amom, but my best friend since childhood was adopted. At one point in her life she asked some of the same questions you posted.

I am sorry I you feel this way. Always remember you are not alone in those feelings. I wish I had an answer for you, because I remember her pain.

Good luck on your search.

L.

[Alexander719]

It has taken nearly 40 years to find myself. Now that I'm finally starting to grow up, I naturally want some answers.

I feel like I've lived someone elses life all this time. A life that was not really meant for me. You see, adoptive parents do not always nurture the child's talents effectively enough. In fact, often times the A-parents send the kids in exactly the wrong direction. That's why I have to risk my life for my living instead of building a life of my own.

I realize now that I fight fires out of desperation. Money. Benefits. Security. The Pension. My love for it is gone. Only the love for creation remains and the resentment that my A-parents weren't smart enough to see my predispotion toward music when I was younger.

Food and Shelter and Church ARE NOT ENOUGH.

Alex

[Nalyd_loved_forever]

It sounds like you feel you are living life as an imposter. I may be wrong and by no means do I have a psychology degree. Yet, I can tell you are unhappy.

Have you thought about counseling or therapy? Trust me, there is nothing wrong with seeking help.

As I posted earlier, I am not an adoptee so I cannot fully understand all the emotions an adoptee has. But I can empathize. My parents were not the best, by any means. My mother was emotional abusive and my father allowed it. I still carry a lot of baggage from that. To this day I fight to be my own person, not the person they want me to be.

Have you spoke with your aparents about your feelings? Sometimes it helps to get things off our chests. Recently I had to do this.

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and make it all better.

L.

[david23]

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I too have these same feelings and although I am a little bit younger, I feel the same things. There is definitely a feeling of loneliness and thinking that you are living a lie. With that said, does nature shape you or does the nurture that you are given help you. I did seek help myself when I was younger, because the whole process didn’t make sense to me. Why would someone give me up? Why am I such a mistake? The truth is, you aren’t. They probably thought that it would be better if you grew up with, as you said, great Aparents. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone.

[Datzneat]

Nope. You are not alone. Alot of us adoptees have these feelings of loneliness. Good luck with your search.