[ALS2007]

I find it difficult to locate details about the intrinsic emotional/mental experience of FIRST seeing birth mothers and siblings, etc. I am going to have a first meeting in July and am nervous about what to expect emotionally from walking across a park and saying hi, hugging, and talking to my birth family after 26 years.

So, does anyone have thoughts or experiences they can share about the EMOTIONS and THOUGHTS that occur at the moment when they "finally" see and interact with their birth family? All the work and build-up toward this meeting has gone smooth but I remain in the dark about what to expect in my heart (as lame as that sounds, haha) when I first meet these people.

No fears about eloquence or expression; any input will be appreciated and looked forward to. Thanks in advance for the feeback! :-)

[healingfeeling]

Hi

I just reunited with my bdad and his family after 25 years (I'm 27). All I can say is you'll have the most meaningful hugs you've ever had.

The connection I felt to my bdad was instant....like electricity.

Also, there will be lots of staring at eachother and comparing looks, mannerisms, etc. Which for me was not uncomfortable as well.

From my experience and from what I hear from others, there is usually lots of touching, hugging, arms around eachother, etc.

Seeing my eyes in his eyes was like magic....like someone was sprinkling fairy dust over us....very surreal.

oh and i almost puked on the way to the restaurant...also not an uncomment response....i could hear my heart beating, but after that initial hug I was calm...I needed a few glasses of wine to stop shaking, but I was happy and excited!!!

Good luck!!!!!!!

let us know how it feels for you....

healingfeeling

here is a thread that i started with the same concept about first meeitings 1st meeting stories please...

[carmel drake]

Originally Posted by ALS2007

I find it difficult to locate details about the intrinsic emotional/mental experience of FIRST seeing birth mothers and siblings, etc. I am going to have a first meeting in July and am nervous about what to expect emotionally from walking across a park and saying hi, hugging, and talking to my birth family after 26 years.

So, does anyone have thoughts or experiences they can share about the EMOTIONS and THOUGHTS that occur at the moment when they "finally" see and interact with their birth family? All the work and build-up toward this meeting has gone smooth but I remain in the dark about what to expect in my heart (as lame as that sounds, haha) when I first meet these people.

No fears about eloquence or expression; any input will be appreciated and looked forward to. Thanks in advance for the feeback! :-)

Hi Als2007
How long has it been since your first contact with your found family? Speaking as a mother who reunited just over a yr ago..I can tell you that its best to reach out and give that hug, cause most will wait to follow your lead....has communication been fairly open and easy between all of you?

I was nervous myself and couldn't seem to do or say all the things I dreamt of say or doing...our first meeting still leaves me in awe and I relive it as if watching a movie. My daughter and I talked for five hours....

Sharing photos and emailing with each other is so great, but its all a different feeling when meeting in person...sometimes many emotions surface that we don't expect.

Have you visited the adoptees and reunion, section of this forum? There are many who have just made contact and others who are also in the stages of meeting their famlies, of course others who have been where you are going. I suggest that you hop on over there and get all the insight and advice that you need.

Take care and best wishes to you.

[snuffie]

I have been reunited with my bsibs for 5 years now.
The first time I saw them face to face was outside of the motel my husband and I were staying in. An SUV pulled up and 3 of my 8 sibs came running out and grabbed me in the biggest hug I've ever had. I just felt so completely overwhelmed with emotion.
And the days we spent with them, I kept staring at them seeing little things like how our chins are exactly alike and so are our personalities.
One of my sibs came to visit last summer and again it was like receiving a gift on my birthday that I had longed for all of my life. And to this day whenever I think about our reunion, the happiness in my heart overflows.

[aisha101]

Maybe bringing someone with you may help a little.

It will be tough for about the first couple of minutes I think. After that there will be so many questions people want answered.

I kept staring at my birth sisters and saying you look nothing like me!

good luck

[susiesgirl]

i hugged her and didnt want to let go of her,. It was like i couldnt believe that FINALLY here she was...the woman i have been waiting my whole life for..
you will prob feel sureal it will be a WONDERFUL meeting. good luck

[dawnreneeo]

Well,it feels like a bunch of things.Everyone is different.I am almost 34,just started seriously looking about 2 months ago.I found my bdad about a month ago.We talked on the computer and the phone a few times,then he surprised me and showed up out of no where,it was strange.I was excited,shocked,and nervous.We didn't hug until after about 3 hours and it was kinda uncomfortable.We run out of things to say to eachother.I think that may get better after time.Probably best to keep it slow.

[sal]

I felt an instant connection to my bmother when we had our first phone call....almost 5 years ago. It took her a couple of months to be able to emotionally deal with meeting me.... so I had time to process things... before the first phone call and between the call and our first meeting. She had asked that the meeting be just with me... so I drove out to meet her by myself. I found myself strangely calm while I was driving and actually during the entire afternoon. I remember telling her when we first hugged.........(which WAS one of the best hug I've ever had)... that "we've waited SO long for this moment... let's enjoy it"... I'm thinking maybe the "stars" were finally aligned.... and it was what was meant to be.. I also met my bsister that same afternoon........and the rest of my bsibs a few months later........ The main thing that I felt was finally belonging........ finally finding people who laughed like me, thought like me.........WERE like me! I fit... there is a peace in my soul now that wasn't there before I found my bfamily..... I hope you find the same for you..... sal

[mrosey]

Hi I recently reunited with my birthparents. My husband and I flew to where my birthmother lives and we stayed at a hotel. She lives in a resort town so I think that took away a lot of the nerves. My birthmother and I have connected from the very first phone conversation. It is very easy for us to talk. I remember waiting for her in the Hotel Lobby and my husband saying to me, "you seem so calm". I was very surprised myself at how calm I was. I kept looking for her. I was more excited then anything. When I saw her come in, I almost started jumping and down like a little kid. I almost knocked her down...I'm so not like that normally. She was visibly more nervous than I. We both decided later that it was because she was on her home turf. She had been working all day and had to rush around to get ready...my husband and I on the otherhand were on a mini vacation in a beautiful resort without our 4 kids!!! Anyway....the feeling at the very moment we met was pure joy.

I met my birthdad just a few weeks ago in my hometown area. I was more nervous for that. Probably for the same reasons my birthmom was nervous. I was running around with the kids all day and waiting for husband to get home. We drove to a local restaurant that evening and I remember in the car shouting at my poor husband! Once I physcially saw him, the nerves settled down. We hugged. It was definitly different than my birthmom. I was more nervous and unsure with him. Hope that helped but I'm sure every single reunion is different. Try not overanalyze it and just go with it. I'm sure there will be jitters...but let it flow and enjoy every minute of this life changing experience. Not many people will experience what you are about to in their lifetimes.

mrosey

Now that I've reread my post, maybe a neutral location is best for both parties? Just a thought!

[alphagal]

It's a very unique experience!! Nothing you will ever experience again. No matter what, it's your experience and never again will you have that FIRST face to face. I still think about my own experience and can't believe after 27 years....I met my bdad and siblings!!!!! Somebody pinch me


I was so nervous at the restaurant, but after the initial hug it was great. All the nerves and anxiety wash away. It's really going to be a terrific time.

P.S. Lots of polite staring. hehe

Good Luck!!!!

[bprice215]

I was surprisingly calm when I first saw my daughter, but I could certainly feel her presence, during the whole day we were together. I even felt her emotions from time to time. Just watching her was in itself a very unique experience. Seeing her gaze upon my face with an intensity I had not seen before. It was a very omni present experience for me because of all the emotions were so intense. Like nothing I've yet witnessed. She was so beautiful, so calm and mature. Although we really did not know each other, there was a definate connection between us that was there and felt by us. It was great!
bprice215

[Shubs32]

I had my first face to face with my birthmother a couple of weeks ago. We met at a park and when I had arrived I called her on my cell phone to let her know I was there. She told me where she was and as I began to get closer to where she was sitting, she stood up and began walking towards me. I could hardly keep my heart in my chest it was beating sooooooo hard!!! When embraced immediately in a very long hug that neither one of us wanted to break. We spent the next two hours walking and talking together, never letting go of each other. At times we would just sit and look at each other not really believing that it was finally happening. It was one of the most incredible days I have ever had. We are planning a second meeting where I can introduce her to my wife and kids, whom she is also anxious to meet.
Good luck with your meeting!!

[Moongrl22]

I have been nervous , afraid and unsure of how to feel about my future reunion with my daughter. She is 17 yrs old now. She has made contact with me. She is not yet ready to meet but she wants to meet some day in the future. I'm talking to a therapist to get through all these emotions. It's going well. I'm the type of person who put's up wall's from getting hurt. I'm learning that if you have negative energy, negative energy comes to you. I'm trying to be more postive. I have so much to be thankful for. I am a wife and a mother of three beautiful children. I would like to reunite with my daughter some day when we are both ready. I'm am hoping our reunion will be a good one. I guess you can say I'm trying to live in the NOW and instead of trying to predict what is to come. Live today as if it's your last day.

[kmh1_08210]

I think my initial meeting with my bmom was maybe a little more reserved than most in some respects. I think it was because we had absolutely no contact or information about each other before the face to face. Its a long story, but after inquiring at the agency and thinking I was going in for non-id info, I was informed less than 48 hours before my appointment that my bmom wanted to come in and meet me.
I got my non-id info literally 10 minutes before she arrived. We briefly hugged and smiled and got comfortable talking to each other pretty quick, but I think the "moment" while awesome to me because it was the first time I was seeing someone genetically related to me, would have been more emotionally charged if we had a longer build up--with phone calls and letters and such--I think I was too overwhelmed and not sure what to do or how she was going to react to be overly emotional---all the emotions hit me like a ton of bricks afterwards though!
Funny, my bdad surprised me too! I sent him a letter--turns out he didn't even know bmom was pregnant, but he did call me after receiving the letter--then nothing for several months. After agonizing on contacting him again--I left him a message on his cell--he called the next day and said he was right near where I worked and would I like to meet him now?--2 minutes later we were face to face--I remained calm---but seemed to have nerves and anxiety AFTER it was all over.
So every situation is different--but meeting brelatives will affect you and is life changing--I'm soo excited for you and I'm sure it will be great!

[pg13209]

When I met bmom for the first time. She had gotten lost coming up here ot Ohio.I was at school when she called so I met her on the interstate with my car. She followed me the rest of the way in. So when we finally got there we got out and kindda stared at each other. we then went to my house which was uncomfortable for me. You see I wanted to go home and change clothes first before I met her and feed my daughter who I was breast feeding at the time. So it did not happen as I had planned so it threw me off. I think a neutral location would be the best scenario. If i had already been at te location and had her walk in,I think it would have been easier on me.