[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Kindreds

Ter....just imagine yourself as being an orphan...your mother has died, maybe in childbirth or shortly after you were born. Imagine you were raised by a relative or maybe your father's new wife? Would you not give anything to have known and been raised by your natural mother. To me, this seems like basic human 101. I know there are others that can take a mother's place and raise a child, but you really only have one natural mother...the woman that conceived you, the woman who gave you many of her genes....the woman who most likely loved you with all her heart but circumstances caused her to make a decision that forever changed your life. My daughter has two mothers and she loves us both very much. Neither of us can replace the other, but that does not minimize the importance of each of us to her.

I was adopted at age 7/8 by my step dad. Mom did everything to keep me away from me dad.

But I could call him. His sister lived about a mile from us and I would ride my bike to her house. Even though if my mom found out she would beat me black and blue.

I am a birthmother, reunited after 33 years. I wanted him and my mother wouldn't help me and she made the decision to give him up. No one in my family would help me to keep my son.

Both mothers are real, both hopefully, love the child. Both will love the child forever.

Sorry if this is disjointed, I am trying to clean house for Thursday. LOL cook dinner for tonight and answer mail.

So maybe I am not giving this the attention it deserves.

Hugs for everyone

[curiousone]

I'm an adoptee and I have a history in the womb with my mom. It goes beyond words

[lilKristin1981]

I am a adoptee and I am very close with my adopted mom and no one will ever replace her she is my best friend...She had raised me since I was a month old and she was always there for me no matter what...

I do want to find my bio family I want medical records and I would like to meet my brothers and sisters...
I would love to meet them and keep in contact with them but, they never would replace my adopted family cause even though they didn't give birth to me they are my parents and always will be...

[kune]

Kristin
Noone can replace your adopted family, just as noone can replace you or I. We are who we are and each seperate person is unique.
Couple of questions - Have you asked your aparents if they have any information that will help you in your search? It's usually a good starting point. They will probably know the agency, perhaps know your 1st mother's surname, or the hospital you were born in.

Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Ann

[atresearch]

Not all adoptees who are searching want to make contact, let alone have a relationship. I will be 60 years old in June and never had a desire to search. I did have times when I was curious and would have liked to have had the answer to some questions, but not to the degree that I actually initiated a search. The only reason I am doing it now is for my son and I've got to say that he is thrilled with what we have found so far. His favorite opiece of information is a copy of the ship's log where my biological grandfather came to this county in 1903.

Being a mother, I can imagine the turmoil that birth mothers must feel and would love to be able to tell mine thank you for doing what she did. Because she knew the names of my adoptive family, she could have come forward when I turned eighteen. Since she did not, I would never want to contact her for fear of creating problems for her of any kind, so I just have to believe that she was able to answer any questions she had without making contact.

[lilKristin1981]

My adopted mom has tried to help me but, knows nothing...The agency wants 500 to search for 1 person and I don't have the money for that....

I don't even know the town,county,hospital or anything...I am sure I will never find them but,atleast I know I tried to look...

[TraceyElayne]

Originally Posted by maddy27

Hi...

I am wondering why an adoptee would want a relationship with their birthfamily? Perhaps it is simply beyond comprehension. But I really want to try to understand.

I am a birth mother. I understand why a birthmother would want a relationship... because I am one. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was taken from me at 2 days old.

Although I did have other children, none of them ever REPLACED her... nor were they conceived to replace her... they were born to be who they are.

I lived with her painful loss. I ached for her. I wondered about her. I loved her. I never replaced her. That would be impossible.

But I WAS replaced. She was handed to a different woman and told "this is your mommy" I was done with. There was no longer me "the mommy".... her amom REPLACED me.... in every sense of the word. This is the intention of adoption.... to replace one mom with another.

so.... why in the world does an adoptee want a relationship with their birth mom?? Especially if they have good relationships with their amom.

I get the curious part. I guess I always imagined she would want to MEET me. To get her questions answered.... to satisfy her curiousity....

but to keep up contact? I never saw that coming.

I know I've read that wanting a relationship with the birthmom has nothing to do with amom.... but it surely must.... even though my kids are all biological, I cannot imagine them wanting a relationship with a different mom... it doesn't make sense. they love me and I am enough for them.

sigh...

I really just want to try to understand this....

This is why an adoptee wants to have a relationship with a bio-parent. It is because you complete that person. You are their missing link. You weren't replaced at all (at least not in my situation). My a-Mom made it a point to expose me to things that my bio-Mom was interested in. I don't know who she is, but am serching for her now. Thanks to my a-Mom I feel that I have something in common with my bio-Mom. However there is always that part that is missing. Yes you have the questions, but the biggest part is to know you. Because you made the hard decision for life. I hope that this helps you some, and lets you be open to your child's decision to have a relationship with you. Remember that this is hard for the adoptee as well, they want to know the missing part of their life.

TraceyElayne

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by TraceyElayne

This is why an adoptee wants to have a relationship with a bio-parent. It is because you complete that person. You are their missing link. You weren't replaced at all (at least not in my situation).

My a-Mom made it a point to expose me to things that my bio-Mom was interested in.

What a wonderuful thoughtful thing for you mom to do.
Hug her for me.

I don't know who she is, but am serching for her now. Thanks to my a-Mom I feel that I have something in common with my bio-Mom. However there is always that part that is missing. Yes you have the questions, but the biggest part is to know you. Because you made the hard decision for life. I hope that this helps you some, and lets you be open to your child's decision to have a relationship with you. Remember that this is hard for the adoptee as well, they want to know the missing part of their life.

TraceyElayne

I am my birthson's mom, just not the mom who raised him.

I am taking my oldest granddaugther to Disneyland in June, my bson and his two boys are going to join us.
We have been reunited for over 10 years.

I hope you find you bmom, good luck