[susiesgirl]

one of the reasons was i had this void my whole life.. i knew i didnt belong to these people that i lived with. i HAD to find my bmom. I needed medical info and family history.. but much more then that was i needed a relationship with her and my family. I never thought that there would be a chance that she would say no to meeting me i just leaped right in. I love my bmom very much and she IS my momma. nothing can change that.My afamily thinks that we should have a *sister* relationship and that just hurts me to no end. I dont want a sister i WANT a mother who loves me even when i screw up. Boy do i screw up a lOT I am so scared that she will just give up. I was DX bi-polar,ptsd and bpd..am on lots of medications and have a ton of problems. I hope that i never mess up the good thing that i have. but i am afraid that i have because my bmom saw what i wrote about my half sister. I have conflicting feelings when it somes to her. one minute i can love her and the next minute i resent her like heck. SHE got to stay and yet she would complain all the time to me about our mom. sure she may not have been perfect BUT i would have been where i belong and maybe me and my sis would have a *normal* relationship.
I would die without my bmom in my life. it wold have no meaning whatsoever.

[Montraviatommyg]

Susie,

It's a bit insensitive for your afamily to want you to have a 'sister' relationship with your bmum simply because she isn't although I appreciate they must have their reasons. I have been in reunion with my son for a year now and we certainly don't have a 'brother/sister' relationship which neither of us would want. His parents don't know about our reunion so at the moment it isn't any issue.

I'm sure your bmum wont give up on you .... I will get back to the point of you being in reunion for 4 years. It's easier said than done, I know, but I do understand why you feel insecure from the other side of the coin. All you can do is to keep persevering and moving on, it is also okay to tell your bmum how you feel.

Pip