[psabbia]

All of you who are searching, are to be commended for your courage in starting a search and for your tenacity in continuing. I am not an adoptee nor did I give up a child. Although, I almost did when my son was born 36 yrs. ago. I left the hospital without him, then five days later, went to the agency to get him. During those five days, I never got out of bed, but I wrote several poems (one called "On The Fifth Day You Were Born to Me") and knew I had to have him. My mother went with me because she knew exactly what I was feeling. I think she didn't want me to go through my whole life what she had gone through.

She gave birth to a child around Easter, 1938-1944. I never really knew till after she passed away in Oct. 1999. She died of non-hodgkins lymphoma. After reading on this forum "Why Won't My Natural Mother Meet Me?" by Carole Anderson, I cried and knew then and could feel all of the guilt, shame, etc. that my mother had all of her 73 years. You see, her pain didn't just start with giving up a child. It began when her own mother left when she was about 8/9. Her father got another woman pregnant and brought that woman in to be my mom's stepmother. This woman hated my mother. Back in the 30's, because no one had very much money or transportation, my mom hardly ever saw her real mom after that. So, she was unloved by her dad, hated by her stepmother, and never got to see the only one who did love her. She was later sent to live with the grandparents and they loved her, of course, and were very kind and caring people. This all left a hole in my mother's heart. Then for her to have a child at such a young age, only added to her pain. There is a question as to the year she gave birth to this child. I had been told it was when she was 17, but now believe she may have been as young as 12 or 13. I have questions now as to who the father of this child is. If you saw the pictures I have of my mom when she was that age, it would rip right through you. I believe, all of this heartache ate away at my mom all of her life. She never talked about anything, was very quiet and reserved but there was always this wistful look as she stared out the window. If I had known more, I wonder if she would have answered my questions.

I have many letters to my mom from her mother, from 1935 to 1945. They are very poignant letters starting with "My dear daughter". Somehow, I would like to publish them with pictures of my mom and her mother, then, they can be together.

I sometimes wonder if I should continue a search for a 1/2 sister who'd be in her sixties. I've already been told I am not "entitled", but that didn't stop me. But, now I am wondering. Maybe I am just searching for an extension of my mother because I miss her and want to see if this woman, my 1/2 sister, looks like her or is like her in any way.

Thank you all for the stories of your searches and reunions. Pam
__________________
pjsabbia

[snuffie]

Hi pjsabbia
I am proud of you for not letting the comment "you are not entitled" stand in your way. It takes a lot of courage to do something that you know in your heart is right but that some others may not agree with.
I wouldn't let the fact that your 1/2 sister is in her 60's deter you in any way. I am an older adoptee who has been reunited for 4 years and I am so grateful that it finally came to be!
Everyone's situation is different and your 1/2 sister may or may not want to reunite. But if you don't try, you'll never know for sure. It sounds like you have much to tell her about yourself and your mother. It doesn't sound to me like you are searching for an "extension" of your mother. You are feeling her loss and wanting to find someone who has a common bond with you.
Best wishes to you no matter what your decision is.
Hugs
Snuffie

[laxrick]

Read this prayer, it's why we search.



Adoption
A Prayer of Thanksgiving and Healing

We thank you for the birth parents
who gave life, but found they could not nurture it.
We thank you for the adoptive parents
who nurtured and sustained a life they did not create.
We thank you for the adoptees
shaped by two different lives,
the product of two different loves:
one of letting go,
the other of taking in.
We ask you to calm those
who fear the loss of a child's love.
We ask you to make whole
those who feel torn between two kinds of love.

*Obtained from FindersKeepers Website.

[sborsch]

hi pjsabbia,
WOW! You seem like you are a very kind person with the BIGGEST heart! what a life your mother lived. I would look if I were you. I am looking for my half brother with not much luck. I founf my bmom but she clames she does not remember where he was placed for adoption and yes they say WE are not entiled to information. The bmom is but not sisters or brothers. What since does that make??? I am lost on that one. any how my bmom and i do not talk anymore. She just tried to kill herself a month agao and the hospital called me. I am a bmom as well. and the part of you going back to get your baby well lets just say every hair on my body was standing on end!! They really touched me in so many ways!!! I wish I had had family there to help me out as I was 16 when I had her. Maybe things would have been different, but on the other hand I feel I mad the best decision. I just got work on th 14th of july 2005 that I could write to my daughter. i have feeling that i do not know what to do with right now. i am so high on life nothing could knock me down right now!!! You are a wonderful person always know that. take care.