[Erinlahome]

I will try to make this long story short. I was 17 a senior in high school and had a boyfriend who was 19. I got pregnant. We were young, hardheaded, dumb and scared. For reasons we will never know, we stopped all contact after I was about 3 months pregnant. One of my wonderful guy friends from high school stood by my side the rest of my pregnancy & was their for the birth. We married when my daughter was about 6 months old and started the adoption proceedings. The bdad signed the papers,somewhat at my request and now has no rights. Adad and I divorced about 2 1/2 yrs later and I have since remarried someone in the military and live across the country. She understands the whole this is my daddy, this is my stepfather thing. Adad still has a wonderful relationship w/ our daughter, calls everyday etc., sees her every holiday and 6 weeks during the summer and has remarried someone (much older) they won't be having any children of there own. ( A major concern)
Bdad and I have never lost contact we email or talk about every 6 months and I send pictures often. He has since remarried and has a 6 year old and a 2 year old daughter and they look just like my 8 yr old daughter. I went home for a visit about 2 weeks ago and we met and talked, exchanged pics etc. He is now expressing a desire to tell her and know her and it makes my heart soar. I want that so much, but it scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want her afamily to be hurt by this and it has always had a very negative impact when its discussed. She has a right to know him and those sisters. I just don't want her to think I am a complete fruitcake. Any advice?

[sborsch]

WOW! I guess I would talk to the Afamily and let them know first what is going on and that you are confused about what to do.They maybe more understanding than you think. They need to know how important it will be to your little gril some day!! Hey she is so special to have so many people that love her. my three dads is what I think of! Please don't take that the wrong way.It will all work out in the end!!! let me know if you like!

[radiodoll]

Yikes!

I don't know if she'll call you a fruitcake, but she sure might be angry one day. You told her that her Adad was her father? That's gonna be a harsh one. Sounds like you never got over the bdad, even though he doesn't have rights. And the whole Adad/divorce thing feels strange, as well. Why did you divorce? It's so tragic.

Sounds like you might consider putting off the bdad stuff until she's older and cut back on the adad stuff until all of this can be sorted out. Then, as soon as your child can grasp the bigger picture here, start fessing up about the birth.

As an adoptee, I would be pretty sensitive about being passed around, even if the intentions were good.

Good Luck -

Radiodoll

[tinarae]

Tell her!!