[kperoc]

Evildishrag, (funny name, I like it)

Yes I totally agree with the other folks on this thread. Pictures are a huge event in an adoptee's life. I wish you the best on your reunion.

When I got to see my birthparents for the first time, it was surreal. I emailed copies to my adoptive family. My sister said, who put a pic of you in that file? Oh no sis, that is my birthmother! The resemblance is very similar.

The feeling of seeing people who really resemble you is such a healing force. It in turn opened up a pandora's box of questions for me personally.

[scarlet52698]

Would love an e-pal That's wonderful that you had a chance to talk with the adad. I'm doing the same thing, just sitting back and waiting for them to take the next step.

[blankenb4]

Pictures are HUGE for birthparents as well as adoptees. A picture says a thousand words.

kperoc, A picture of my birthdaughter after 33 years has also opened up pandora's box for me. I hope that one day I will get to meet her.

Barbara

[evildishrag]

So, it's been 2 months since I mailed the photos and have heard nothing. When the adoptive dad asked for them he said he'd send me some in return. Nothing. 2 months. Of course I'm not entitled to anything, but since he sort of offered I've been running to the mailbox everyday and finding....nothing.

I called him up yesterday to, uh, confirm that they have received my pictures. He apologized for the delay in sending them and explained that THEY HAVE MADE ME A WHOLE FREAKIN' ALBUM of pictures of my birthson from the day they picked him up at the hospital up until yesterday!!!! HOLY TOLEDO! He will get it in the mail within a week or so and will give me a call to let me know they've been sent.

I am absolutely the luckiest birthmother in the whole entire world. I can't believe they are going through the care and effort of putting this all together for me. I mean, wow. HUGE. I would have been more than satisfied with a spare school picture they had lieing around but for them to painstakingly assemble a chronicle of the kid's life to send me is beyond words.

These people are amazing.

[Blue Irish Eyes]

Yes, you are very lucky to have aparentsn who will prepare a lovely album for you to enjoy. I am sure it will give you much pleasure.

[ealtmaie]

Wow I think that it is amazing that the adoptive family is so open to sharing pictures with you. I think that the significance of pictures is huge, especially to the adoptee. I know that for me, a 25 year old adoptee, that seeing pictures of my birthmother and siblings would be emotionally, a very significant experience. At this point in my life, I have a lot of questions as I am beginning to think about starting a family, however I am not ready to meet my birthmother. For me, it has never been about wanting a relationship with my birth parents as I personally have never felt like there was something missing from my life. I have, however, as all kids have, wanted to know why I look the way I do. Where did I get my brown eyes and my small nose? These are all questions that can't be readily answered when you are adopted. For me, pictures have always been the answer to the main questions that I have. However, in order to get pictures there must be some sort of contact with the birthparents which opens doors for me that I am not ready to deal with yet. These are just some thoughts that I had in response to your posts! I think that you are very lucky with your situation and I wish you the best of luck.

[newlyorphaned]

evildishrag!
I'm so happy for you. Be ready for the tears when the pictures come and the fear that a tear will hit a picture! I only hoped for one picture some day and have enough now to start an album. My cousion was nice enough to send me a note that my mother wrote her years ago so I have her writen words on paper which I treasure! We bought a new entertainment center and I have spent a small fortune on picture frames. One even has the word "Family" across the top and there has not been a day go by that I don't take time to look at my mother. I've even got pictures of Great, Great, Greats....but nothing compairs with the pictures of my mother. My cousin has been working on the family history of both my Grandparents which is more than I ever dreamed of. Enjoy you album!

[scarlet52698]

I received pictures of my birthson about 2 months ago and it was an amazing experience! To see how much he looks like his birthdad and I as well as his siblings left me speechless.

At this time he's not ready for any contact which I understand but I am very grateful to his parents for sending me pictures of him through the years up till now.

I hope you get that album soon and let us know as soon as it comes!

[snuffie]

Wow, evildishrag! I'll bet you can't wait for the photo album! I know the mailman became very used to me running out to get the mail as soon as I heard him coming. That is soo nice of the adopted parents to do this for you.
I remember the very first picture I saw of my bmom. It was her high school photo and I wasn't absolutely positive that I had found the right person. One look at the photo was all it took though. Since then I have an album of photos of her from baby until she passed away. (4 years before I found her.) It is precious to me. I look at it almost every day and pinch myself to be sure I'm not dreaming.
It is so wonderful to be able to look at photos of siblings and see if our toes are similar, our fingers etc. (I know, a little weird - but oh so cool!) And one of my sons looks very much like his great-grandmother!
Enjoy every photo in your new album. I am so happy for you!

Snuffie

[evildishrag]

The adoptive dad called the other day. The album is complete. Two hardcover volumes. Wonderful.

Is seems to have turned into a rather lengthy production and now my son is refusing to allow them to send it. He has selected a few photos from it he approves of which are in the mail.

Adoptees? I imagine he might be feeling 'overexposed'. It must be very revealing to have his whole life out there and maybe he's feeling self-consious? He's only 18 and I know what a sticky age that can be. If it were me I think I would feel that way if my parents put together a massive history of my life to send across the country to a stranger...even if this stranger is my birth mother.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for whatever I receive and can't wait to see him. However. I really need some input here to have a better understanding of what you all think he's going through.

Thanks.

[dpen6]

Hi evildishrag(heheloveit),

I had to chuckel a little when I read the effort his aparents put into making the albums for you....here they are really trying to support you and him in this quest and being a typical teen boy(a breed into themselves) just shuts it down. The reason why I chuckle is that it is so typical of a boy that age. Number one...he may feel the situation is being taken out of his hands, or he may feel like he is being pushed to do something he is not ready for. In other words he has no control. That can be a biggy for some adoptees...control...I have a 19 year old boy and he is real good at literal yrunning out the door when it comes time to discuss serious issues. The materuity is not there yet..

I say it looks very hopeful because he has the support of his parents. Alo he is still so very young and reunion is hard at any age especially if they are young.

Try to be patient and understand he may have no clue what he is feeling yet, what he wants to do as opposed to what he may feel pressured to do. Try to stay in contact with his parents and tell them(as he will hear it also) that it is up to him, you onlu want whats best for him,

When I first was in contact with my bmom my half brother told me that it was going to go as fast or as slow as I wanted.....he understood my confusion and allowed me to take it at the pace I felt comfortable with. He then told his(our) mother that thats what was needed. It was like a weight lifted of of me. The confusion of hurting my parents...even theiough they supported me...the fear of hurting my birthmom...it got to be al ittle much for my 29 year lod shouldars...can't imagine it at 18.

Donna

[Jessiedo]

Evildishrag (GOOD ONE !!)
I'm sorry that I can't offer any insight as to what an eighteen year old male would be feeling/thinking about his birthmother, but I can definately relate to your own emotions. I myself am a birthmother in reunion w/ my birthdaughter who just turned 20, so I need advice just as you do. I have been in reunion w/ my birthdaughter for 4 months via phone/e-mail only. She turned 20 in May and we're taking the relationship slow and easy. I truly believe we will be in contact from now on, just how often or how close is the question. I'm trying to 'hold back' and not scare her off and let her set the pace.

My birthdaughters' mom always sent her mother photos of the children and since her mother is deceased, she mailed me all of her mother's copies of the photos. OVER 300 PHOTOS!! It's like a visual diary of your child's life...a life you missed completely and a life you have thought of and wondered about everyday since their birth.

I sincerely hope and pray that your birthson will allow you to receive the albums, which I think he will do in time. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how you will feel when you do view all those photos!

In our phone conversations, my birthdaughter never said that she wanted to have a relationship w/ me until AFTER she had seen a picture of me! I always laughed about that and told people that she wanted to make sure I wasn't a toothless old witch! (LOL)

Best wishes and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I'm anxious to hear about another reunion w/ a young adoptee.

Sincerely, Diane

[scarlet52698]

Evildishrag-

Like the others have said 18 year old boys have a lot going on and I can completely relate to what you are going through. I was crushed at first to learn my birthson wasn't ready for contact, but then I had a talk with my husband and he pointed out that boys think differently than girls do. (I had assumed he would feel like I felt about my adoption and birthparents).

My birthsons parents have agreed to receive updates from me through the agency to have for him when he is ready. I'm so very grateful that they are being supportive of him and me in this.

Hang in there, I really believe that one day our birthsons will want to know more about us. It's just a matter of time.

[cathy102]

I was getting so excited for you to receive the huge album from his adoptive family. But atleast he is allowing them to send some pictures... I'm sure it will take time for him since he is only 18. It seems to me that things will work out in the end. He has parents that are supportive. That is a huge thing. I read alot of stories on here where the adoptive family freaks out if the son/daughter want to find there birthfamilies.

Hang in there and let us know how things go...

Happy 4th...

[nugget]

As a female adoptee I know that at 18 years old I would have wanted "control" over any reunion.

What I find nice about what is going on so far is the comunication between you and his parents, and his parents with him. So often I read where there are problems with the parents and reunion.
In my own case, while my reunion has been limited,my parents really have shut them selves out of any conversation about it.
I am so sorry that you will not get the full albums. Hopefully by keeping the lines of somunication open between everyone, this will become a reunion with a happy and comfortable outcome.
Please keep us posted!! I know that when I first saw photos of birth family members it was overwhelming and amazng at the same time!!
Happy thoughts and hugs,
Wendy