[quinnerwhite]

Hi all-

If you could ask your BMom or BDad a question(s) what would it be? How would you get to know them? What would you want to know about your history? I am in the process of getting to know my BDad and wondered what sort of questions others have asked in order to get to know a Bparent.

Thanks,

Steph

[aries304]

Here's what I'd ask my b-mom: Why did you decide to abandon me, dump me off, leave me for foster care not knowing whether I will have a loving family while you're sitting at home years later with a decent life?

But you might want to soften that up for your b-parents. I've always wanted to ask that question to my b-mom.

[RiverGal]

Originally posted by aries304
Here's what I'd ask my b-mom: Why did you decide to abandon me, dump me off, leave me for foster care not knowing whether I will have a loving family while you're sitting at home years later with a decent life?

And maybe her answer might be, "It seemed a better option than having you vaccuumed into a sink because I couldn't provide for you."

Steph ~ When I met my birthfather, we spent weeks asking questions and getting familiar with each other. I wanted to know my heritage on his side (I was raised with my mother), the circumstances of his leaving, his favorite foods, personality traits...you name it, we discussed it. Now, four years into the reunion, we are still learning and asking. I wonder if one lifetime is enough...

~Deb

[EllePepper]

My only real reason for looking is a few unanswered questions, and the answers that my own mind gives me I shudder to think of.

I have scars I don't remember getting, a malady that no one in my family has had, and was definately Premature. I want to know what other surprises I may have in store.

I have heard from my adoptive father that it wasn't the best home life, but I don't know. I was young, supposedly two. But my birth records are changed I guess.

Is there any way to find out if you were taken from your family? and if so why? I live in San Diego CA.

[BayouMama]

Originally posted by aries304
while you're sitting at home years later with a decent life?

What you expect her to do?Slash her rist?Missing be right.You alive.You oughta be gratefull for that stead a smart lippin.And thats just what I think.
Cynthia

[Wind_Rider]

Aires, you have every right to have your feelings. You are on the right track wanting to soften that up a little.

I have all confidence that in the future as you begin to discover the plight of the birthmothers in society and you also deal with your curiosities in a supportive environment you will get closer to your answers.

As an adoptee who had lived for years as a child in an environment where i wished i had never been born, there is little consellation in considering the vacuum & sink model as something worse.

This just goes to show aires304 that there is possible healing and answers for you. Dig behind the questions to rationalize and soften up your question and formulate less abrasive articulation and the Bmoms of this site will share a wealth of the realities of possible conditions at the time of the decision.

Those realities may turn your stomach even more than the scarlet sink model.

I know this because i had held inside myself toxic thoughts for years that i was thrown in a dumpster because i was deformed then i learned i was the second child placed for adoption. These are shocking at first until the associated emotions are all lined up and understood separately and distinguished on a rational model. It is a sad reality how an environment can twist a young mind with such long lasting effects.

Best of luck aries304.