[Cary]

I just recently was phoned by a registry that there was a match made. This was through the Wv state mutual consent registry. My birthmother and I have had our hour of counseling and should receive each others info for contact within a couple of days. I am so excited and yet scared to death. I found out that she is as excited if not more than I am and she would like to be as much a part of my life as I'll allow her to be. Though I love my adoptive parents I have a huge heart. The problem is this-What is the best way to make contact? Phone or letter. We only live about an hour apart.Please help. I really could use some advice.
Thank you

[StevieGirl]

Personally - I think e-mail is the perfect first contact. It can be recieved and responded to quickly.

If one party doesn't have e-mail, then I'd say letter.

That way you can get out all your feelings - no awkward pauses, and you can read it over and over to reflect on everything. In a phone call, so many things may be said, you can't possibly remember it all.

Maybe start out with a letter, then agree on a good time for a phone call.

Best of luck and congrats!

[blankenb4]

Hi,

I believe that phone contact would be the best since you are both excited. There are so many things to say and feelings to feel that can't be expressed in an email. A phone call is a lot more personal.

Good Luck,

I am a birth mother in search of her birth daughter born June 1971 in Richmond, VA

[Jackiejdajda]

My vote is for letter..





Jackie

[shirleyville]

Count me in on the letter/e-mail vote!
I am a writer, tho....I MUCH prefer written communication, especially in uncharted waters! I am far more open when I write than when I speak -- especially over the phone.
Writing allows me to say everything I want to say, exactly as I want to say it.....I never fear leaving anything out, or having something come out wrong. There are no awkward silences and no feeling like you are a "deer in the headlights" where all of the sudden, every single thing you wanted to say flies right out of your head!!
I would also prefer to receive written communication....so I can absorb it all at my own pace....and have it to hold on to, and read, re-read and re-read! With a letter/e-mail, you can never forget what was said, and there is no pressure to remember every single detail of what is being said (which you will undoubtedly want to do) because you know you have it right in front of you, and always will!
Ultimately, you need to decide how YOU feel most comfortable!!! You might even ask your intermediary to find out from your birthmom what she feels most comfortable with.
Whatever your decision, I am so happy for you and wish you and your birthmom a wonderful reunion and continued happiness!
Hugs,
Sally

[sspete]

First of all Congratulations!!!! I am so happy for you, and truly wish you both all of the best. Reunion is such a wonderful time, but yet it can be So intense. Take each day as it comes. Your emotions will be all over the place so buckle your seat belt, but enjoy the ride!

I truly think a letter is the best way to go for first contact. It could be email or snail mail, but if both of you have a computer email is MUCH quicker. As the two of you progress in your relationship you can start with phone calls, and then the Ultimate Face to Face. It is truly up to both of you and your comfort zones, but I believe taking your time is the best way to go. You can get to know each other slowly, and at your own pace while developing a rapport without feeling overwhelmed. I wish you both all of the best.....Update us to let us know how you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Staci

[l-thompson]

Email contact worked very well for my birthparents and I when contact was first made. It gives you time to think about how you would like to respond - with a phone call you do have pressure to respond straight away.

We used email for about two weeks and then when we were feeling reasonably at ease, a phone call was made.

If email isn't an option a letter would work well initially too - given that you are so close in distance you wouldn't have a long delay with the mail being delivered.

Congrats on contact - its just so exciting isn't it!!

Best Wishes to you as you embark on building this unique, most awesome relationship!!

[Cary]

Thank you all so much. I am really not a telephone person much. But I do love to write and am very good at putting my thoughts and feelings on paper. I have a tendency to blurt things out the wrong way when under pressure. For those of you searching, dont ever give up. I registered with our state's mutual consent registry in october of 2001 and my bmom reg in nov of 2002. A match was only made this past january. Have patience and faith and the rest will come. Hugs to all of you and God bless!I will keep all posted.

again, thank you

[jmjoseph]

This is so wonderful for you! I definitely agree with the letter at first so you can take your time and think things through, even for a few days, etc. You will probably learn information you will have to think about, maybe sort through some feelings. Your immediate response may not be the one you ultimately want her to know at this time. You will know when it is time to move to phone and then in-person. Do not push yourself. You have waited all this time to meet, be as ready as you can, learn what you can about her.....and about yourself.