[summer324]

Hi everyone. I think I need to vent. Some of you know me but for those of you who don't. I am searching for my bmom using a private intermediary(social services). The beginning went very smoothly. My social worker found my bmother quite quickly and did all of the necessary double checking to make sure it was the same person. She mailed her a letter that she should have arrived on March 24th. This letter was sent to her with my social workers name and work address but not the work name as a return address and the inside simply stated that she was looking for Shirley........ (maiden name which of course I don't know) regarding updated info on a legal matter from Nov 1968. To please contact her even if she did not want the info todiscuss her options.......WELL.....as I am sure you must guess...there has been no reply. I am going crazy. One minute I want to cry and one minute I am so mad that it's crazy!!! I have a million thoughts running through my head. What if she thought it was junk mail and just threw it in the recycling.(probably what I would have done) what if she opened it and said OMG and threw it away. What if she wants to ignore it and all of it be gone. OH MY! I think I'm going nuts...LOL I just wish I knew if she opened it. I don't know what to do. I guess I really can't do anything.
My social worker will send her another letter soon stating that she will continue to try and reach her by mail and phone. I don't know....I never had much patience. Boy is it being tested now.
Thank you all for listening. Any suggestions are welcome!!

Lisa

[Tink1965]

Remember, every day is a new day with different feelings. Keep positive with an open mind that really anything could happen. I know when I think of things too much, nothing makes sense anymore and I get negative. Take a big breath and keep posting or start a journal, take a break. It is amazing what happens when you take a step back and clear the mind. My search was really too easy, but the waiting for the response from bmom is a roller coaster ride of emotions.
Keep your chin up and be positive, heck, write me and write everything that comes to mind. I bet you will feel better.

Hugs!

[hopeful2day]

I'm glad one part of your journey may finally becoming to an end, but the biggest part of it may be about to begin. Maybe you should just step back a little, take a breather and try to start preparing for the second part.Keep thinking positive, you've come this far and I believe you will make it all the way, with your sanity intact LOL. It probably did come as a big shock to your bmom. I'm sure she always knew this day would come, but knowing it will come and having it come are two different things and she may just need time to recover from the shock. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things work out well for you. Keep us posted. Also, you can e-mail me if you need someone to vent to or a shoulder to cry on.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!

Maria

[Hval]

I hate to be the "chin up" fellow, but...

IF she received a letter on March 24th,
IF she was home,
IF she's not away on work or vacation,
IF she's a person that goes through the mail and responsibly gets it all wrapped up immediately (unlike this writer), that only means it's been 13 days. Less than two weeks.

I have been waiting (as many have) for a while waiting to hear from my Locater service. As Eek40 said, waiting isn't fun...but then, neither is assuming the worst.

In her position, even in the most optomistic instance, she might want to take a few days to think it through. How would she (or you) properly respond in her place? The emotion that you (we) are feeling is probably NOTHING compared to the sudden jolt that she might have just received.
Give her time. No news, isn't necessarily bad news.

Hope.

It doesn't hurt to hope. It makes your stomach and head feel a lot better too!

I wish you the best! Please keep us updated.

Chin up,
HVAL

[summer324]

You guys are all great. Thank you for the input. I think you are right. I think that I have been so absorbed with it that I can't see straight. I need to take a breather from tha agony...LOL
I can only hope for the best...we'll see if it helps the stomach..haha. My social worker will be at her desk tomorrow so we will see if she has heard anything... she has been away since Thurs. Keep your fingers crossed

Thanx
Lisa

[Hval]

Lisa,

This is completely off the topic, but maybe a good diversion:

Ack! Barf!

{for those of you reading this that have no idea what or why I just wrote what I wrote: I refer your to Berkeley Breathed's "Bloom County" comic series.}

I Love your little Bill the Cat icon!
See? Feeling better already!


H.Val.

[summer324]

LOL!!!

Thanx HVAL!! Too funny..... I like the Ackk...

Lisa

[crayons]

Do you know if the letter sent, had to be signed for or not?
If it was, there would be a returned card with her signature, to show she received it. Just a thought... good luck

[summer324]

They didn't send it certified. Only regular mail..Thanks for the thought though. I'm trying to be poisitive......

Thanks

Lisa

[Hval]

Lisa,

Now...I know that I was suggesting to take a breather and just let it happen, but (curiosity being what it is...) did you get ahold of your social worker? If I'm not mistaken, you said that she (or he) should be back at their desk.

Sorry to send mixed messages:

Don't rush it vs. tell me, tell me.

I just get caught up in the excitement, positive or not, of any of us in this process.

I'm sending the positive energy your way!

-H.Val.

[summer324]

I talked to the social worker yesterday via email and no word at this point. She seems to think that this isn't a good sign that we havn't heard from her. I don't know if she is just trying to prepare me or if that is just her opinion. She is going to send another letter to her soon and state in there that she will continue to try and contact her....maybe pushing her to call. I asked her if she could place more info in the letter (about me) or iis she not aloud to do that by Maryland law. I also asked her if maybe "I" could write a little letter in there. What do you think? Would that do more harm than good? AAAAGGHHHH!!!!! I also asked if she would send it certified. I am waiting to hear back from her. I go to work at 12 so I hope I hear b4 then or it will just drive me crazy all day.

Thanx for your concern. It does help!!

Lisa

[Hval]

Lisa,

I'm sure that you'd get a HUGE varied response to the question of whether or not YOU should try to include a personal letter. I'm a little biased, being a writer.

I personally feel that if she is receiving the letter from the social worker and is mulling over it or simply choosing to not respond, then what would it hurt to add your voice? As long as you write a respectful letter, without trying to lay on guilt or blame, what additional harm could it do? I might even suggest that the added personal touch that a letter from you might lend could help influence her to reply.

I would imagine that it's harder to ignore a thoughtful, loving letter from your birth child that to ignore a 'generic' letter from an agency.

Hopefully there won't be too many birthmoms out there that would be upset by this assesment, but from our (adoptee) side of it, what other tools do we have to employ?

Again, I would like to stress: a thoughtful, caring, loving tone.

I see a lot of emptiness/anger/frustration/discontent/etc out there. Not from you specifically, but in general. People behiving rashly with sudden phone calls or demanding letters usually seem to seal their fate.

See what your social worker says. I'd be more than happy to help out with the letter (if you need a second set of eyes to look it over or someone to bounce ideas off of).

Who knows, maybe someone else out there might have a different or better suggestion.

Lets just see...
HVAL

[crayons]

I'm a first mom. If this were me, I would feel better if I opened the envelope and found a letter from my daughter in it, good idea Hval. Lisa, the first letter that was sent, would scare me, it would pop in my head, oh no, someone is going to tell me something bad happened to my daughter, if a letter is included, I would very happy and releived just to know she was ok and also wants to contact me, just peel me off the celing:0) this is just my opinion also. Lisa, the part you said about it being thrown away, is a big possibility. hang in there, it has to be very hard, the not knowing. When I recieved my non Id, with my daughter's first name, I thought, now all I have to do is put some information in cyber space and find that she was looking for me, yeah right, I can't say that I've learned patience with searching but we sure have to hold on to the hope that we can all find and connect to ones we are all looking for and that it turns out good. I sure hope and wish you get your answer soon.

[MuyLaBonita]

Oh, they say patience is a vurtue... WHY? Haha! Waiting for a reply is the hardest thing ever. Truly. IT does depend if you inniciated it, then waiting is something you have to do. Whereas with me my sister sent me a letter and she had to wait for my reply. (WHICH, took about 6 min. after I read her letter)

I had to take that 6 minutes and jump up and down and scream with JOY b/c I had finally found my big sister! I really really can't wait to read your post about when your mom responds! You have my prayers on that one!

Keep in mind there are places to go and people to see. Keep me posted!

[MuyLaBonita]

Originally posted by MuyLaBonita
[b]Oh, they say patience is a vurtue... WHY? Haha! Waiting for a reply is the hardest thing ever. Truly. IT does depend if you inniciated it, then waiting is something you have to do. Whereas with me my sister sent me a letter and she had to wait for my reply. (WHICH, took about 6 min. after I read her letter)

I had to take that 6 minutes and jump up and down and scream with JOY b/c I had finally found my big sister! I really really can't wait to read your post about when your mom responds! You have my prayers on that one!

Keep in mind there are places to go and people to see. Keep me posted! [/The only person that can make you happy then sad then happy again is your sisterB]