[17n0n72]

Man, what a great web-site .

Glad to now that i'm not the only once who feels like i will break my mom's heart if i tell her i want to search for my bio mom. My younger brother and sister who are also adopted have searched and found their bio moms. My brother has even gotten to know her really well, but tries to keep some distance..like a family friend. However, even though i've seen it work out for my brother and sister i'm still worried that my mom will go nuts..i am the oldest, afterall , or that i won't like my bio mother or she won't like me. Hopefully i'll be able to ask before something bad happens to her.

[JoJo50]

Talk to your adoptive Mom and explain to her that you would like to try and find your birth Mom cause its important for medical reasons and you would like to know if you have any other siblings. Im sure she will understand. Im now 49 and have been worried for many years what my adoptive parents would think if I ever wanted to find my bio parents. I finally got nerve to ask when my daughter who is 15 developed kidney failure and her twin brother is on hold for now. Dont wait so long.......find your family so when you get married and have kids you will know what to tell the doctors for medical reasons and also maybe get the chance to meet your bio mom. It might be too late for me but Im not gonna give up trying. Hang in there and good luck.

[imurchica4lyfe1]

i know exacly what you are going though except i am the only one and i am afraid that if and when i talk to my amom about the whole thing, that she will be mad and think that i am not happy with my life and my afamily. the thing that i try and think of is the fact that it is somthing that you have to do to find out about yourself and fill that void in your heart. i am hoping that i will get the courage to be able to do it. you are lucky that you have siblings that have already done it and will be able to tell you how it was for them and everything. for me i am on my own.
katie

[Nattystar]

I can relate to all those feelings, I am the only child in my whole family (no cousins or nething) and i found this poem that really made me feel better i don't know maybe it will make you feel better too.

Once there were two women who never knew each other. One you do not remember, the other you call mother.

Two different lives shaped to make yours one. One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it. The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One gave you up, it was all she could do. The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.

Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?

Neither, my darling, neither.

Just two different kinds of love.

ps. I would talk to your aparents, tell them that just because oyr bmom gave you life does not mean she is your mom.. your aparents raised you to who you are today. and that makes them truely your parents no matter what. assure them that you need to find your roots to find out who you are in a sense (at least this is what i want/need to do) and that your not trying to find a replacement you just want to find a new friend hopefully. and if you don't do this now, you will always be wondering.

[imurchica4lyfe1]

thanks for the advice. i have that poem in my room over my bed. i love it. i read it all the time. i can resite the hole thing i have read it so many times. well i am not sure when i am going to talk to my amom but i will someday. i just hope when i finally get the courage to do it, that i will not be to late. well thanks again.
katie

[Xanny]

As a PAmom, I want to encourage you to talk to your mom. We all know going in that someday our children might want to search. Remind her that it's not about her, that you love her and she will always be your mom. Lots of people (not just adoptees) search for relatives and research geneology because they want to know more about themselves and their ancestry. It doesn't mean they don't love the family they know, just that they have some questions to answer.

You do what you need to do. Your mother will understand.

Best wishes,

Xanny