[Tink1965]

What a wonderful place this site is!

Hello,

I have found my bmother and made that long awaited phone call last October. It was the most terrific phone conversation that I could have had. It was very rewarding to know that I made her day as well. She was very receptive. Now, it has been five months and no response to e-mails, nor has there been a phone call. I know that she has children and they are not aware of me, she did say that was something she would discuss with them. I guess what I am really trying to say is, I am not sure what to do next? Do I write a letter, call her again? I am actually really surprised that she has not responded after our conversation. Or should I just be satisfied that I got to talk to her? I have a million more questions that I want to ask her, especially about medical history and genealogy.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

[StevieGirl]

5 months is quite a long time with no response.

Maybe you could try one last e-mail, and tell her you're sure the shock of the first contact was a lot for her. Tell her you would like to know if she plans on building a relationship with you. Let her know you're worried that you haven't heard from her, and if you don't receive an e-mail back, you'll consider calling her to make sure everything is okay.

Then I'd wait about 2 weeks and call her again.

She shouldn't leave you hanging with no explanation of why she's not responding to you. A simple "I need some time to sort things out" would let you know.

Best of luck!

[shirleyville]

Since you received what seemed to be a positive response from your birthmom, it seems odd that she hasn't responded to your messages or made some attempt to contact you herself, via phone or regular mail.
I know it's not something one likes to think about, but could she be ill? If she were to become incompacitated in some way, would anyone know to contact you...or even how to make contact? You mentioned that her children were unaware, but was her husband in on the fact that you exist and had been in contact....or perhaps a close relative like her mother or sister?
I just worry that something may have happened and no one had any idea that they should notify you.
If I were you, I would make a call.....
If she answers and things are okay on her end, then just explain that you were worried about her. Since she was positive and receptive, you have no reason to believe that she would be "put off" by a warm, concerned call from her daughter.
Keep us posted, okay?
Hugs,
Sally

[Tink1965]

Thank you for the ideas and especially something that I have not thought of before is her health and her ability to contact me if at all. Sad. I thought maybe her children had a negative response. It is refreshing to hear other opinions. I know her husbands aware of me as he has a daughter somewhere out here. I also know her youngest son is aware of me, because I heard him ask his mom if she was ok. I have been told that bmoms with children are the hardest to get to know. If true, I have no idea!
Thanks again for letting me know that it is not to soon to try and see what happened.

[Tink1965]

If it was not for this forum and all you good people in sharing ideas and opinions, I believe that I would be going crazy. It is so refreshing to read these posts, I can get a new perspective every day!

Today my dream came true! I went about this the long way but it worked. I sent an e-mail, no response so then I sent a letter and in four days I received an e-mail! I cannot believe it! It did not say much, only that she wanted me to know that she got my letter and was going to write me back with the information that I requested. I am going to see what her hand writting looks like. Yikes, I am jumping and crying, I cannot believe that she wrote me back. She also wants to see pictures of myself and family. Yahoo!

Yes, patience is the key. Like I said before, this forum has preoccupied and taught me alot so far.

Now, should I scan some pictures and send them right away? Would I be jumping the gun? Oh, what to do next! Or should I give it a couple of days and see what happens?

Is any of this making any sense?

Any advice would truly be appreciated.

(does anyone know why my posts have a black circle on the envelope? What does that mean?)

[swimbabe]

I can't answer how your birthmother would feel, but I, myself, am a birthmother. Everytime I hear from my son's family (he's 19 months old) or receive pictures, it makes me happy. Usually, they respond within a few days after I ask for pictures. Although, everyone in my life knows about him, and the longest I have gone without seeing him is 6 months, I don't know what it would be like to have my child contact me after so many years. But the love I have for that child will always exist, no matter how old he is or how long I go without contact. He is a part of me, and I look forward to the pictures that I receive through email or in the mail. I personally don't think it's ever to soon to send pictures.

[Tink1965]

Thank you swimbabe for your response, I guess that I need all the reassurance that I can get right now. I do not want to make a mistake, I am very over whelmed right now and I cannot quit crying. My children think that I have went off the deep end.

I am so excited about this I can't stand it.

Swimbabe, try to stay in that little boys life and always be there for him because he will want to know you.

Hugs to you!

[swimbabe]

Thanks tink. I most certainly plan to stay in his life. I love him so much and just want him to be happy.

[njschwartz]

I've just read this whole thread and your excitement about the reunion with your Bmom comes through loud and clear! I am so happy for you, but am concerned also about the length of time it took your Bmom to respond to you. Did you get an explanation?
Anyway, I just reunited one week ago. I, personally, went from the "honeymoon stage" to "disengagement" all in the same week.
Be prepared...the emotions are going to run high...higher than you've ever experienced in your life. As a matter of fact, you'll have some emotions that you won't have a name for. I'm certainly not trying to discourage you, or bum you out...I'm just sharing my experience, such as it is. I believe in the Adoptees Support section, there should be a post by our illustrious SearchGuru called "Stages of Reunion" or something to that nature.
Please read it!!! It was very comforting for me to know that what I was feeling was totally normal for an adoptee. I didn't know there were millions of adoptees who felt the same way I did until I found the Adoption Forum.
I am with you 100% about the Forum being the best support system. Thank God for the adoptees who, so selflessly, share their sorrow and their joy with all of us. We now have a "home" for our aching hearts.
I know you are excited beyond belief right now, sweetie, but take care of your heart, and keep your immediate family close. Let them in on all of this and allow them to support you to the best of their ability. Let them in and lean on them when you need to.
Knowing you aren't alone in all this makes all the difference in the world. I speak from personal experience and I'm sharing it with you.

Hugs,
NJ

[Tink1965]

Thank you NJ for your thoughts, it is nice to hear from someone that knows exactly what I am feeling.

Congratulations on finding your bmom! Wow what a feeling.

My bmom wrote in her e-mail that she was glad to hear from me and that she lost my e-mail address, she apologized for not responding to the first e-mail that I had sent to her and that she was going to write me a letter and answer my questions and would love to see pictures of my family! I can't believe this. She said that she sent this e-mail to let me know that she received my letter. It is the most wonderful e-mail that I ever gotten.

I am so glad that I watced Dr. Phil yesterday, I cannot believe the timing of this.

Ok, enough rambling I better go find the searchguru's thing, I cannot even think properly right now.

Hugs!

[summer324]

Congratulations!!! I started reading the thread and it was very easy for me to try and put myself in your situation and how you must have felt. I am in the waiting process right now... My bmom was notified by mail of my search(hopefully she didin't think the letter was junk mail and threw it away) and now I am waiting for a response........AAAAHHHH!!! So I can imagine your excitement and then your dismay!! I am so glad that you are back in contact!! Maybe she just needed some time to sort out her feelings and tell her family. I hope all turns out well.

Best of Luck!!!

Lisa

[Angelwings2002]

(does anyone know why my posts have a black circle on the envelope? What does that mean?)

The black dot on the thread envelope indicates what threads you are subscribed to or have participated in. Congrats on the email....

[Tahoegal]

Wow, how similar our stories are! My b-mom has other kids that don't know about me but her husband does, craziness!! Do you know if she has told them yet or not? I have found my b-mom but have not made contact, I know the family situation is sensitive, as it sounds you are in the same boat. So glad she wrote back, I am so excited for you! Sounds like things will end up positive!!

[Tink1965]

OK, I am breathing again

I took my family to spend the day with my favorite aunt in the country, she has a way of keeping me grounded. What a blessing she is. Today, I am patiently waiting for the mail to come

The emotions are incredible, happy, scared, freaky, crazy. It is incredible how this can affect so many people in so many different ways.

Today I feel content and I am looking forward to begin the journey of finding out who I am and where I come from. My passion is genealogy, my family laughs at me because I know more about them then they do

Please keep the advice and opinions coming and keep sharing your journey with me.

Thanks and Hugs to all of you out there!

[Tink1965]

I have no clue if she has told her children yet. I am hoping that the letter will tell me more. How come you have not tried to contact bmom yet? I must admit, I did not immediately contact bmom when I found her information. I actually sat on it for a year and a half. Crazy? My dearest friend from first grade was here from England visiting and if it wasn't for her encouragement and holding my hand through out that first contact, I think maybe I would be still sitting on it. I knew she had a family and my worst fear was causing problems with them. Yes, what a sensitive situation it is. I also have an older sibling that was adopted out in 1963, I would like to dig more into that but I think that I will take one thing at a time for now.

Good luck Tahoegal, If you need anything let me know, we have quite a similar situation!