[crawfolf]

I had sent off to get the non-identification information and I was told that I could not have anything that portains to my daughter or her family that adopted her. They flat out refused me any kind of way to contact her. I told them that they could tell her about this forum and that if she wanted to contact me that I am registered on this forum and they would not even relay that to her either. They just don't want to help in any way, shape or form. All they say is that they will put in her file that I did contact them in order for a chance of contact with my daughter. They said they would put that in her file so that when she contacts them it will show that I have tried to make contact with her. They will not even let her know that I am looking for her. I really don't ask for much but just to let her know that I am looking for her and that I love her and miss her with all my heart and soul. It breaks my heart everytime they close the door in my face when it comes to her. I thought the adoption law was to protect the bmom but when a bmom wants to be found they should let the child know that the bmom wants to be found. It sounds to me like they are just trying to save and protect their ownself instead of the ones that it really applies to. They are so wrapped up in trying to control who knows what that they do not take the people who are involved into consideration. If the person wants to be found then it should be their obligation to make sure that all parties know about it instead of trying to hide it away in some file that the other person is more than likely not going to see. It is almost like they intend on making sure that no one can be found no matter how hard you try to find each other. I really think the laws need to be changed so that if a person wants to be found and they ask that the contact is through the place where the child was adopted then they should contact the other person and tell them and then let them decide whether or not they want to be found. They will not even let me know how she is doing or if she is dead or alive. They will not give me any information about her at all. I am still left in the dark just like I was 21 years ago when they took her away from me. I am starting to think that I will never get to see my daughter's pretty face again. You nearly have to be on your death bed or mentally unstable in order for you to be able to make contact with the one you are looking for otherwise you can kiss your chances goodbye because it will never happen. I am sorry for venting for so long, it is just that it depresses me so much that I have a hard time focussing on anything. It seems to be affecting my job also because my mind keeps wondering to her and this situation and I can't focus on my work. I work in the postal service so I have to be focussed on what I am doing or otherwise people would not get their mail on time. I like things to go smoothly at work and right now I can't do that if I am depressed and can't stay focussed on my job. All I want is to make contact with my daughter and they all seem to rufuse me the one thing I want. I hope that other bmoms and adoptees have better luck then I will ever have. Good luck to all and God Bless each and everyone of you.

[blankenb4]

Who did you contact for your non-id information?

Barbara

[crawfolf]

I contacted DSS in Virginia because they have her adoption records there. I sent it off to the DSS in Richmond, Virginia and she called me a few days later after she got the request and told me that they could not send me anything that was requested on the info sheet. I was flat out refused and was also told that it would go into my daughters record just incase she ever contacts them for the info. They then would let her know that I was looking for her.

[blankenb4]

PER THE SEARCH GURU:

Virginia Searching Resources
Welcome to the Search and Reunion Message Board!

The State of Virginia has a “Confidential Intermediary” search program that will locate and contact birth relatives:

Identifying Information: Identifying information is provided through the confidential intermediary system with the approval of the Commissioner of Social Services.

Confidential Intermediary: Adopted adults age 18 or older may use the confidential intermediary system to search for birth parents. For those adoptions finalized after July 1, 1994, the birth parents and birth siblings can use the confidential intermediary system to search for an adopted adult age 21 or older and adoptive parents of adopted adult under age 18 may use system to search for birth relative(s).

Contact: For non-identifying information and for use of the confidential intermediary system, contact the Virginia Department of Social Services in Richmond at (804) 726-7523.

Adoption related information and records:
Virginia Department Of Social Services
Division of Family Services
730 East Broad Street
Richmond, VA 21219-1849
(804) 726-7000

Non-Identifying Information: Adopted adults age 18 or older may obtain non-identifying information.


Original Birth Certificate: An adoptee must petition the court in which the adoption was finalized.


Many blessings on your search journey,
Colleen Buckner, THE SEARCH GURU
Moderator for Search and Reunion Message Board
Email: thesearchguru@yahoo.com
http://www.therighttoknow.info


Other great websites to check out:
http://www.adoptionchat.com
http://www.adoptionlists.com
http://www.adoption.com
http://www.adopting.org
http://registry.adoption.com/

[Cheryl62]

Crawfolf:

I was adopted through a County in Virginia too. My understanding of the rules is the same as what you were told, at least in my case (I was born loooonnnggg before 1994 LOL!).

I suppose that rule is there to protect adoptees who may not have been told they were adopted. It would be a bit of a shock to suddenly have the agency call you up and tell you your birthfamily was looking for you, if you didn't know you were adopted. I also am sure they do not keep up with the adoptive family, and probably have no way of knowing how she is doing or where she is living, without undergoing a search. I know it's frustrating... so many parts of this whole thing are frustrating...

The good news is - when she begins searching, the obvious place to start is to ask the State agency for non-ID information -- and at that point, she would be told how to contact you, and that you wanted to be "found". I strongly encourage you to leave contact information with them, and register on forums like this one. If you do - she will be so lucky to have such an easy way to find you, and the blessing of knowing how hard you tried to find her. Many of us adoptees wish to have been that lucky!

I hope she will search for you soon, and you will be reunited. I know waiting and wondering must be incredibly painful....

Cheryl

[kea0618@hotmail]

Don't give up!!!!! I am an adoptee who has been looking for my birth family for about 10 years now. And I have had no such luck. If you have any questions please feel free to email me. God bless you. And keep trying.

kea0618@hotmail.com

[lierka96]

I was born in Richmond and adopted through Goochland DSS. I have received all my non identifying info. from them on my birth parents and they just completed a search for me that turned up nothing. The caseworker was awesome and called routinely to let me know what she was doing and to make sure that I had all the information she needed. They weren't able to locate anyone because they didn't have a SS# for my birth mother, only a name and birthdate. I don't even have that much. But they were very helpful...try again.

[sconte]

When was she born where?

[crawfolf]

I am finally in touch with my daughter. We were reunited on 02/09/2005 and we have a wonderful relationship with each other. She knows she is loved by every member of my family. She was welcome into the family with wide open arms. She also loves me and all of us like we were her true family. She is a beautifully wonderful daughter and very smart also. We are all very glad to have her back in the family and that the search is all over. She fits right in like she was never gone. Her name is Sharon April {Watson} Dede and she is my daughter thru and thru.