[murdoc]

With so much importance on "keeping your child's birth culture" close to home....

How many of you have considered keeping your child's Vietnamese birth name?

Why or Why not will you choose to keep his/her birth name?

How do you think you will react if your child dosen't like his/her name as an adult? (either vietnamese or western)

Do you feel any social or personal obligation to choose one choice over the other?


(Of course this is just for conversational fun... please remember that for some, this can be a sensitive subject)

[ksquilter72]

We chose to use our daughter's Vietnamese name as her middle name. We had three 'American' first names that we liked and then chose the one that went best with her Vietnamese name. It was important to us to not take away that part of her life, but we also felt that (living in a part of the Midwest that is not incredibly ethnically diverse) it would be easier for her to have an 'American' first name. As it turned out, her Vietnamese first name is 'Anh' and if we didn't already have a daughter named Anna, we probably would have kept her first name intact.

We plan to have a sign made in Vietnam with her full Vietnamese name, so that we can frame it and hang it in her room.

[murdoc]

I'll be the first to reply to my own question. Just to be fair-play.

I don't know if I will choose to keep the first name the same. I suppose it depends on the name. Some names are just too hard to pronounce.
However, we hope to name our son, Thao, after his future godfather (whom is also Vietnamese by birth) and adding on a Western name, Jack, followed by the name his birthmother gave him then the family tradition of Marie.
For example this would come down to:
Thao-Jack Thien Marie or Thao-Jack Marie Xuan

I know it sounds long, but our daughter's name is just as long: Kirsten Marie Betty-Sue
Both my husband and I have long names as well.
And plus, If he is uncomfortable having an Eastern name he has the choice of going by Jack or T.J. And if he prefers Thao then that is fine too. We wanted to give him the choice.

As for his given name I feel like it is the only true gift you can give a child that will last forever. His birthmother gave him a name, an eternal gift representing her love; I would feel rather presumptuous to erase it from his identity.

I do feel pressured to give him a Western name just so he can fit in better with the rest of his family… Even my adopted brother from Korea has a Western name. But then I think about the culture and people he will be leaving behind and I feel like I owe that culture a little respect as well.
We may choose to change our minds later. He may end up just Thao, or Mathieu or Jack or Bill or whatever. But for the moment these are our thoughts.

[murdoc]

Originally Posted by ksquilter72

As it turned out, her Vietnamese first name is 'Anh' and if we didn't already have a daughter named Anna, we probably would have kept her first name intact.

We plan to have a sign made in Vietnam with her full Vietnamese name, so that we can frame it and hang it in her room.

I think that is a great idea! It must be nice for her sister to secretly know they share the same name.

[specialk4b]

I was talking to a friend who was born in Taiwan and was adopted by his American step-father. He said he asked for and received a Western name at the time of his adoption because he didn't want to be different from his friends at school.

I want my child to be proud of his or her heritage, but also to be comfortable and fit in.

This is a tough question for me.

[mombyfaith]

We kept our dd's birth name and used it as her middle name. She was adopted from Guatemala in April 06.
We named her Chloe Faith Maria. Our foster mother was the one that actually named her Maria after herself and having raised her for 14 1/2 mos. we decided to keep the name. I also wanted her name to reflect her heritage.
For our ds we hope to be adopting from Vietnam we will use one of his birth names as his middle name.

[ksquilter72]

One thing to keep in mind is that the birthmother does not always name the child, especially in cases of abandonment. In that case, officials at the hospital or local justice will name the child.

[TeriInAZ]

I plan to use his Vietnamese name as a middle name. Of course depending on who named him and what the name means and how hard it is to pronouce will also play factors in it all, but as of right now it will be a middle name.

[murdoc]

Originally Posted by ksquilter72

One thing to keep in mind is that the birthmother does not always name the child, especially in cases of abandonment. In that case, officials at the hospital or local justice will name the child.

Interesting bit of information, Do you think that the child will see it that way, in such pragmatic terms?
Later on, when he/she is old enough to seek out his/her heritage will they really want to brush off the idea that someone other than the birthmother gave him/her a specific name? Wouldn't the idea of having been given a specific name by ones birthmother help somehow accept the idea of abandonment.

"My birthmother couldn't take care of me but she did leave me one thing to remember her by... "Cho" [my given name] is her love for me and a dream that I could have a better life..."
(roughly translated quote from "L'enfant d'un autre", French documentry on international adoption)

The adoptee, now in her 30s, goes on to say she grew up believing that her birthmother loved her and wanted the best for her when she decided to abandon her. The adoptee never went to her home country (Korea) to find out more and is "satisfied with the way things are because the grief of being abandoned is bearable"

It is an odd thing to say... grief of abandonment being bearable.. but, having not known my own father, I think I understand somehow. She had lots of interesting things to say about how important her name was to her.Of course there were others that preferred to blend in with thier Western names.

It was this documentary that inspired my inital question

[Yash]

I'm not using the name she was given in the orphanage. I don't think having a Vietnamese name ties her to her birth culture more or will make her feel more Vietnamese.

Layla may not like her name when she's older. It took me a long time to like mine. If she chooses to change her name or go by a different name as an adult that's up to her. She will have three middle names so it's not like she won't have choices.

[silverxuan]

Wow, Murdoc. Your question really made me think. Not only because of what my expectations are about when Jake and I name our child, but my own past with my name. To be honest, when I was younger, and learned that my middle name was Xuan, I HATED it. Because it was extremely different from what all of my friends names were. And nobody could pronounce it right. Of course, that happens when you're one of only 3 Asian children in the whole school.

As for my first name, my given name was Vu Thi Tam, so my adoptive mom changed the Tam into Tamee. And for that I'm very grateful, because she originally had the name Gloria picked out for me. Now while that suits many of the Glorias I know, I'm so glad she didn't stick with it, because I think it's so NOT me. She had it written on a lot of pictures and everything!! Fast forward to now, since I'm older and wiser, ha ha ha!, I love my name. I think once kids realize that being unique can be cool, they'll be more apt to appreciate their names.

But...it doesn't always happen that way either. Take my younger sister for instance. My parents kept her given Indian name Kalpana, and gave her the middle name of Lindsay. Well, to this day she still does not like Kalpana, and goes by Lindsay. And currently she's not interested in learning more about her heritage either. I ask her every now and then if she thinks about going back to India, but the answer is no every time. So in that way, she and I are very different.

So looking ahead to when we do our adoption, we're thinking of naming our child Jack Van Brown. Van is a common middle name for boys, so it works. But who knows, we might really like his given name and keep it, or if it's really tough to pronounce, maybe change it up like mine was and make a new variation on it. Nowadays, the options are pretty much endless!!

[ksquilter72]

Originally Posted by murdoc

Interesting bit of information, Do you think that the child will see it that way, in such pragmatic terms? Later on, when he/she is old enough to seek out his/her heritage will they really want to brush off the idea that someone other than the birthmother gave him/her a specific name? Wouldn't the idea of having been given a specific name by ones birthmother help somehow accept the idea of abandonment.

I'm not quite sure what you're saying here. If a child is abandoned and is named by someone other than the birthmother, I don't think lying about the source of their name is a good idea.

[murdoc]

I'm not saying "lie", I just thought, by default if you don't know for sure... well, it's safe to assume the "happier thought" rather than the worst. And as long as you don't know any different, there is no harm in telling your children what you know or think.

Of course if you are 100% sure the birthmother never gave the child a name then you shouldn't lie, obviously.