image

image

 
JOIN 800,000+ MEMBERS JOINJOIN Cancel
image






Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums. Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories
User Name
Password

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-14-2011, 05:49 PM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
Unhappy Want to donate embryo, not abort it. Don't know where to go!

Can anyone help me???! I just found out I'm pregnant, but my boyfriend and I are in no position at this time to raise a child. We simply aren't fit to give this child a good life right now. In addition to that, I am at high risk of serious complications if I carry this child to term and give birth to it. My doctor and my family are telling me that early abortion looks like my best option right now, and I thought I could force myself to go through with it, but I don't think I can. :'(
I want to donate my embryo, but because this is my first pregnancy and I was asthmatic as a kid, I'm not eligible to donate it to an embryo bank, but there has to be another way than abortion. Surely there is a family out there who would want to give this child a second chance. My boyfriend and I will most likely need a surrogate mother when we do decide to have children, but right now we are unable to give a child a good home. I don't want to have to abort, but I don't know where I can find a place that would want to adopt out my embryo! Please help!
Reply With Quote
Pregnancy Information

  #2  
Old 06-14-2011, 07:30 PM
RavenSong's Avatar
RavenSong RavenSong is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,189
Total Points: 179,763.85
Donate
Unfortunately, what you're seeking just isn't medically possible just yet. The donated embryos that you read about are fertilized in vitro in petri dishes. I haven't heard of any successful fetal transplant from one womb into another reported in the medical research literature. I'm sure it will be possible someday in the not-too-distant future, but we just aren't there yet...
__________________
~~Raven~~

What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900)

Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-14-2011, 08:52 PM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
That's what another person on this forum said too. I was hoping so much for another option besides risking my life or ending my child's life, but there isn't one. I don't know what I'm going to do. :'(
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-14-2011, 09:31 PM
chloroxsis's Avatar
chloroxsis chloroxsis is offline
Lovin' my girl!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,284
Total Points: 1,017,469.04
Donate
I don't know anything about this, but I can tell it's tearing you apart. I'm sorry.
__________________
Chloroxsis
Mom to "D", Age 10
=======================================

Oct 2008 First Inquiry Sent
Mar - May, 2009 MAPP-PS Class
May - Oct 2009 Lots of paperwork, fingerprints and visits to my home
July 2009 - Phone call about "D"; confirmed interest
Oct 2009 - Completed homestudy questions
Sep 2009 - Finished D's room until she arrives
October 22, 2009 - Received a draft of Homestudy and it was submitted for consideration of "D"
Nov 17, 2009 - Best Interest Staffing -- SELECTED!
December 3, 2009 - File Read/Talk with FM & Therapists
December 11, 2009 - Visit 1 of 15 with my little girl!
March 5, 2010 - MOVE IN DAY! 506 Days from inquiry to move-in!
November 20, 2010 - FINALIZATION!!! Total time from Inquiry to Finalization -- 766 days - more than 2 years!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-14-2011, 09:38 PM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
Thank you. I hate myself right now. I really do. I feel like this little future person is being punished because its parents just weren't as careful as they should have been. </3
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-15-2011, 06:44 AM
gmarie21 gmarie21 is offline
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 105
Total Points: 17,247.59
Donate
Have you gone to a crisis pregnancy center? They know doctors who work with high risk patients (what you are). Many doctors would rather not take a risk and tell a patient to get an abortion. I have met a few women who were told so by their doctors and did have the abortions, for example a short petite woman was pregnant with triplets and told she could not possibly carry them, so she aborted them and was very upset about it. If she had gone to a pro-life doctor who works with high risk, she would be a mother to live children today. Yes, even doctors have agendas. I say, go talk to someone at a crisis pregnancy center, preferably religious based. They have great contacts to doctors.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-15-2011, 06:55 AM
gmarie21 gmarie21 is offline
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 105
Total Points: 17,247.59
Donate
click this link and call one of the offices close to you (I assumed you're from California, but if not you can find a list for your area) - California NaProTECHNOLOGY Medical Consultants

I know they're fertility doctors who only practice ethical treatments and get to the root of the problem, but they also deal with high risk (obviously). It won't hurt to call. And if asthma is the reason why, I know many severe asthmatics who have had healthy pregnancies. Heck, I've known women with different high risks who had healthy pregnancies.

Last edited by gmarie21 : 06-15-2011 at 06:59 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-15-2011, 09:33 AM
hope872007 hope872007 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 36
Total Points: 1,167.18
Donate
um Elisabeth have you thought about maybe giving the baby up for adoption I know it is easier said then done giving that you have this little bean inside of you but carrying it for 9 months might give you time to think about everything and what you think is best for your baby I am going to pm you with a name and phone number to a non profit that I know about and just call them they will be able to help you with your options.
__________________



(me) 22 Hypothyroid Anemia
Jonathan Hunter
February 27 2010 7lbs 15oz 20 1/2 ins long
Gift of adoption



<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie.com/IRR9m4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>
Reply With Quote

  #9  
Old 06-15-2011, 10:05 AM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
I've definitely thought of giving the baby up for adoption. If I wasn't high risk for sustaining injuries having the baby that is probably exactly what I would do.
Also, I did go to a pro life hospital the first time around. Not really by design, just because my local hospital happens to be Catholic run. It's owned by Catholic Health Care West. The doctors there aren't supposed to suggest abortion as an option unless they really feel there is no other viable alternative. That's why I so desperately wanted to have my baby transferred into the womb of another woman who wanted to get pregnant but couldn't. I had just heard of embryo donation and it got my hopes up, only to realize the kind I am speaking of doesn't exist yet. I am so crushed and torn. I will be going to another OBGYN for a second opinion, but it's not looking good. I was told long before this happened that it is not safe for me to give birth to a child. That I will need to seek out a serrogate mother when I decide to have kids. And I was more or less fine with that. Until now. But I am going to see what my options are with this new OBGYN. I just wish they could put this baby in a safer body so that the baby could grow up and be happy and have a normal life with a family who had been trying to have kids but couldn't. I really do. I'll be happy when they can do that, but by then it will be too late for this child. ;_;

Last edited by desperate_in_ca : 06-15-2011 at 10:14 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-16-2011, 06:18 AM
gmarie21 gmarie21 is offline
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 105
Total Points: 17,247.59
Donate
Do you have an ectopic pregnancy? If so, the doctor is correct, you cannot carry the baby. You would not get a direct abortion, but what you would have to do is have our fallopian tube removed which indirectly would end your baby's life. That is different than an abortion. As far as the doctor who said to have an abortion, I would report him to the hospital. They need to know that since it is against Catholic teaching to advise a direct abortion and a physician at a Catholic hospital is suppose to be committed to upholding Catholic teaching on this topic.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-16-2011, 09:22 AM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
No. The doctor didn't do anything wrong. They are allowed to advise patients to abort the pregnancy if they really think their health and even their lives are in serious jeopardy if they go through with childbirth. They are not allowed to encourage patients to do something that they are sure could seriously hurt them. They are Catholic run, yes. But they are still doctors. Trust me, at this hospital, abortion is treated as a very very last resort. The doctor I see there has been my primary care physician as well as my obgyn for years. She knows my health situation very well. Also, if a doctor is forced to advise in favor of abortion for the wellbeing of the mother, they are required to log not only their diagnoses but also their decision and why they felt they had to suggest that and nothing other. They have to fill out a special different colored form and stuff. And I would imagine they would also have to report to the board of directors their decision because the policy is taken so seriously. So the hospital already knows about it, it is in their records. I was strongly encouraged by my doctor to get a second opinion, so thats exactly what I am doing today. My appointment is at 2 pm and I'm nerve wracked. I want to hear some good news this time, even though I'm not expecting it. I've always been warned that child birth for me was not going to be a safe procedure. But that last tiny bit of hope keeps me going.

Last edited by desperate_in_ca : 06-16-2011 at 09:41 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-16-2011, 11:13 PM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
Unhappy

Well, thank you to everyone who tried to help and offer support during this awful time. I'm sorry to say that today, after seeing a second, and then still a third doctor at the hospital today, I got the answer I was expecting, but not the one I was hoping for. The first doctor I saw today gave me my second ultrasound, and the first thing he said when he looked at my uterus was "Ohhhhhhhh... no! No. I'm sorry, no." He told me he knew I had come there hoping to hear differently, but that he could in no way ethically recommend I go through with the pregnancy. However he told me he was still willing to do bloodwork, and take a uralysis, and send me to speak to one of the high risk maternity specialists if I wanted a third opinion. I told him yes, I did want to. So I was sent to the 1st floor to get blood drawn, then a nurse came and took me to another room to wait for one of the leading doctors at the hospital who specializes in high risk pregnancies. But when she came in the room to speak with me, I could tell right when she said hello to me that the answer was still no. She gave me the cold hard truth and explained to me that typically the type of patients they see are women who's chances of getting through their pregnancies unharmed was determined to be about 70-80%, stressing to me that a 20-30% chance of sustaining serious injury or death was still a very high number to gamble one's life on, especially when most healthy normal women have more than a 99% chance of surviving their pregnancies in good health. She then told me point blank that based on the ultrasound, my bloodwork, and my medical history, my chances of going through childbirth and coming out ok were less than 40%, and in addition to that, the chances of me delivering a healthy baby were less than 60%. She said she was sorry she couldn't come to me with better news, and if I insisted, she could refer me to a few other high risk specialists and clinics, but warned me that no doctor or facility who cares a thing about their patient's health was going to be willing to consent to carrying me through a pregnancy when the odds are so against it going well. I couldn't say much, except that I understood, I had been told this for years before this happened. My ovaries are healthy, but my uterus and cervix are too scarred and faulty to reasonably sustain a baby without huge threats of health hazard to myself and the fetus. I told her I had prepared myself for this news, I just didn't want to go through with a termination before really finding out if there was any other option for me. She said she knew I wanted to save this child and if their department could have helped me, they would. I was brought back downstairs to the obgyn to go over the safest method of termination for me, which would be the early abortion pill. I, of course, unhappily consented to this and signed the forms, and the doctor left to get my first pill. Before I took it I told the little growing being inside me that I was sorry I wasn't able to save it (I only call it "it" because I'll never know if it was going to be a boy or a girl). I was sorry I hadn't used a better form of birth control to prevent this little life from entering the world only to be robbed of it's chance to exist as the person it could have grown up to be, and I was sorry it was conceived in a body that could not support it. And I hoped that if there was a little soul in there yet, that God would give it the second chance I couldn't give it with a much more able bodied woman who could give this little soul the gift of life it couldn't have from me. I felt so bad as I took the first pill. The doctor explained to me before this, that most women were sent home with the 4 pills they were to take on their own the next day, but because of my injured uterus that already plagues me with horridly unstable irregular periods and burning cramps and pain, I would need to come back to the hospital the next day to take the remaining pills in their presence due to my risk of hemorrhaging. I don't know how I am going to go back. I could barely swallow the first pill. I wanted to save this baby. I know I can't help my condition, but I really feel like I failed today. I'll always wonder who this child could have been if I was able to save it. I really hope God gives this one a second chance with someone else, if at all possible. I hate having to end a future person's existence before it barely even began. The feeling is overwhelmingly horrible. I hate the thought of this little one that could have been never existing again. Even though I don't talk to God as often as I probably should, today I begged Him to give this child a chance with someone else, or at least take it's little soul to heaven. I'm sorry to this baby. I'm sorry I couldn't give it life. ;_;

Last edited by desperate_in_ca : 06-17-2011 at 12:07 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-17-2011, 07:09 AM
gmarie21 gmarie21 is offline
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 105
Total Points: 17,247.59
Donate
Please contact this group: Rachel's Vineyard Ministries
Also, it is okay to name your child and mourn his/her loss. This child will be a soul in heaven praying for your soul and for you to do the will of God.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-17-2011, 04:41 PM
4givenagain's Avatar
4givenagain 4givenagain is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 43
Total Points: 1,209.03
Donate
I'm so sorry. Please know that your child is in heaven with the Lord Jesus.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to PM me if you want.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-18-2011, 11:11 PM
desperate_in_ca desperate_in_ca is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 22
Total Points: 14,709.83
Donate
Thank you all for your support and understanding. ;_;
I really do hope my baby's soul is in heaven.
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:07 PM.