[girl1453]

So, she's due in a month. Decided about 2-3 months ago to place the baby for adoption. Father, who hadn't(to my knowledge) provided a dime of support since they broke up 5 months ago refused to sign the paperwork. They both have major drug issues; he is also a convicted felon who is currently on probation. When he receives the adoption notice, after not doing a thing to support her while she was on various forms of welfare(though too be fair, I don't know how much he could do as he can't keep a job, is chronically in and out of jail, etc.), he decides he suddenly wants to be a daddy(or is using this to try to make her get back together with him, who knows, they were only together for a few months). They currently live in different states and he's not allowed to leave his state due to the terms of his probation.

Well, her agency dropped her after he wouldn't sign the papers. Now she is seriously wigging out, can't sleep, is afraid of being forced to drag the kid into the same messed-up life she's living(she's used pretty much every drug under the sun, including coke, ecstasy, and meth though she claims to have not used while pregnant), etc. Also knows that he'd probably lose a legal fight but wants the thing to be over with and is feeling abandoned. Any suggestions on how to help her?

[maybebree]

She could try to contact local DSS and place the baby through there.

[BlackSheep]

I am so sorry your sister is going through what she is right now. I was in her position 27 years ago minus the drugs part. I also placed my child for adoption, but bdad decided that it was better to go along with my decision on that one.

Depending on the state your sister is in things can vary. In the state I placed in the bdad would have to appear in court to contest what I was doing even if he had signed the adoption papers. There may some sort of law along that line in the state your sister is in. You may want her to ask about that if she has determined this is the road she wishes to take.

She can always place privately. There are many good families wishing to adopt that aren't signed with an agency.

I wish you, your sister and family all the best.

[3SistersMom]

I agree your sister should call CPS (or whatever your state child protective service is called) and place the baby through them. They will place the baby with a foster/adopt family straight from the hospital and will handle the legal situation with the bio-dad. They can and will move to terminate his rights and a judge will order it if he's not a viable placement option (which it sounds like he is NOT) it will happen more quickly if he doesn't show for the hearings, which it sounds like he wouldn't show up to court in another state to due to his probation restrictions. It all depends on your state, but foster/adopt is an option, as well as private adoption (though with the legal risk of biodad, private couples may shy away). Hope this helps.

Originally Posted by girl1453

So, she's due in a month. Decided about 2-3 months ago to place the baby for adoption. Father, who hadn't(to my knowledge) provided a dime of support since they broke up 5 months ago refused to sign the paperwork. They both have major drug issues; he is also a convicted felon who is currently on probation. When he receives the adoption notice, after not doing a thing to support her while she was on various forms of welfare(though too be fair, I don't know how much he could do as he can't keep a job, is chronically in and out of jail, etc.), he decides he suddenly wants to be a daddy(or is using this to try to make her get back together with him, who knows, they were only together for a few months). They currently live in different states and he's not allowed to leave his state due to the terms of his probation.

Well, her agency dropped her after he wouldn't sign the papers. Now she is seriously wigging out, can't sleep, is afraid of being forced to drag the kid into the same messed-up life she's living(she's used pretty much every drug under the sun, including coke, ecstasy, and meth though she claims to have not used while pregnant), etc. Also knows that he'd probably lose a legal fight but wants the thing to be over with and is feeling abandoned. Any suggestions on how to help her?

[lawbella1]

Hi there,

I can imagine your sister is having a hard time with this.

I would encourage her also to look into the Safe Haven laws of her state. While it may not be ideal, it is an option. I believe there are some Safe Haven birthmom who may be able to give some insight into how this works.

I hope she is ok and is able to find something that works for her and her child. As a previous poster said, there are prospective adoptive parents that may work with her privately. Just because dad doesn't sign papers doesn't always means he can contest the adoption. Its all about the state law and how they deal with BF rights.

Hugs!!

[KLL08]

I'd also suggest talking to an adoption attorney. We were facing this with our daughter's adoption sorta. Our attorney said that most birthfathers will decide to TPR if an attorney tells them exactly what being a daddy requires...parenting alone if she TPR's, or child support and visitation should she chose to parent, etc. Sometimes a good dose of reality will settle the matter. Tell her to take a deep breath and take things day by day. I hope it all works out!

[girl1453]

Thanks. It looks like she'll place through CPS, still figuring out how. She was relieved as soon as she figured out that she wouldn't have to keep the baby during any legal garbage.