[amygolding]

So, I'm 19 and just found out I was pregnant a few days ago. I lived on my own in California with my boyfriend of two years, and when I told my mom and she told me I'd better get an abortion, and I was scared and flew home to Texas and set up an appointment for next week. Now, I'm having second thoughts, I have nothing going for me , no job, no car, no nothing, and I come from a family of extremely successful people... and now I'm pregnant. It really is one of those "**** how can my life get any worse" types of things. Then I considered adoption, because part of me wants to give something back to God and do something good, and also I feel a lack of purpose in my life... I looked into it and saw that I can find an agency to fly me back to LA and give my boyfriend and I a place to live for the next seven months (I'm three months along I'm guessing) and pay for food, rent, etc. This sounds alright, maybe chance for me to get my life on track a little bit and do something good for the world, but after reading some of these posts I can't help but think that when it's over I will just be depressed, fat, alone, almost twenty, and homeless... I don't know. I'm scared. I wouldn't think God would ever be able to forgive me for getting an abortion, and I feel like he would watch out for me if I went through with this the hard way, adoption, but I want to know from someone who's experienced something like what I've been through... I'm going crazy my hormones are all over the place sorry if this makes no sense, I need help.

Also, my parents are not supportive of this at all, but I have nothing else to do, really, and I was wondering which agencies were the safest and best to use from your experiences...

I'm so lost.

[kakuehl]

I went through this a long time ago so I can't help much with agencies, etc. Regardless of your choice, this will be difficult. Does your boyfriend have a job? What does he think? (I'm assuming he has a part in your becoming pregnant!) Is forgiveness by God possible after an abortion? Of course. Just remember thatabortion is not a simple answer either. Why is keeping the child not a possiblity? There are no easy choices here. I still think I did the right thing for my son in choosing adoption 37 years ago; that doesn't mean it's been easy. It wouldn't have been easy to have raised him either. There are no perfect answers. Be careful about putting yourself under obligation to an agency or perspective aparents; it is possible to decide you want to parent. Find yourself a support system. As you have read on the forums, there are lots of varying feelings and opinions. You need to seek what is right for you. Please know that we will listen to your struggles and feelings. Many of us have been where you are.

[ranoutofnames]

My heart goes out to you... what a difficult decision you have to make. We all want to reach to our parents at a tough time like this in our life where it doesn't feel like anything is going right. We always hope they will help make the right decision for us, but the older we get the more we learn that we have to make the decision that is right for us.

What does your boyfriend want? It sounds like you want a continuing relationship with him so he needs to be part of the equation. If you go through with an abortion will he be forgiving? If you choose adoption will he agree as he will need to sign over his parental rights too. Does he want to be a parent at this point in his life and understand that if you are no longer together that he will be responsible for paying child support regardless of how he feels about you?

There are varying levels of adoption from closed to open. It really depends on the mind set you, your boyfriend, and the prospective match when coming into match.

It may seem having an abortion is the easier way, but honestly... it isn't. You always wonder about what your child would be like. Whenever tragedy strikes in the back of your mind you wonder if God is paying you back for destroying his greatest creation. It is something that you will never forget. My hope is that God does forgive, but I don't know.

I have never placed a child for adoption, so I couldn't imagine the heart break with parting from a child that grew inside me. When I was pregnant with my son it was the one time in my life I truly felt my closest to God, like I was a vessel for bringing to life his gift.

I am an adoptive parent and can say that I love my adopted children just as much as my biological child. It's like getting a double gift in life... one from the bio-parents and one from God. I truly wish with all my heart it had been an option for an open adoption with one of my children's bio-parents, but they didn't want anything to do with her.

As for parenting and not being financially prepared... if we all waited until we were financially stable to have a child the population would pretty much die out. Sometimes a child is just the inspiration to turn our life around. I'm not rich by far... but I'm full of love and can provide the basics for my children.

I hope God wraps his arms around you as you go through this time of your life.

[bromanchik]

Please be careful of agencies that promise you the world. They can put a lot of pressure on you to place and that decision cannot be really made until after the baby is born.

Have you considered parenting? Please do not measure yourself against your "successful" family members. There will always be someone out there who is more successful, together, etc. While your baby may be unplanned, sometimes surprises like this can take your life in a positive direction.

What you need right now is an unbiased therapist who can help you consider all your options. PM me if you need some help finding one or just want a sounding board.

[chloroxsis]

I'm sorry, I've never been in your situation. But I can remember girls who I went to school with later having a very difficult time with the abortions they had in our college years. Here's the reality: all choices are hard. If you have an abortion, you will still think about it and that baby for years. If you do an adoption -- it will be the same, but you will know your child is alive and healthy. (You might know more if you do an open adoption.) If you keep the baby, you will have the child in your life for a long, long time, but you will have to find a way to feed and clothe it. They are all hard.

I believe God will forgive you for an abortion, but I do think He hates it when we do something with the intention of asking for forgiveness later. Would you be able to forgive yourself is an important question too. If you carry the baby to term, what support would you get from your parents and boyfriend? Will they eventually come around? Could you give the child to another couple/person? Don't count on getting anything from the adoption process, but what will make the baby a healthy baby.

You didn't mention keeping the child, so I don't think you have considered that yet. But you should think of all the things.

Pray about it. Talk to your family and boyfriend. Then make your choice. One that you can live with.

I'm sorry this is not a happy occasion for you, and you are feeling conflicted. I wish you the best.

[Janeytwo]

Dear Amygolding,

Hi there! I'm Janey. I relinquished 2 children back in the Closed Era.

First I'd like to echo what Kathy and Brenda have said. They are both very wise women and Brenda especially knows what she's talking about when it comes to agencies and issues surrounding them regarding adoption.

Also I'd like to say to slow down a bit. It's easy when facing a suprise pregnancy to feel desparate and want to jump in with a decision that will please everyone. But right now you need just a little bit of breathing room.

As others have said, I would be leery of gauging yourself against the "success" of others. Shrug. I'm sure there are areas of life where they have not been so successful. So whatever choice you make must be one that YOU can live with - not one they can live with. Because ultimately it is you who has to face the consequences of whatever decision you make.

(((( Amygolding )))) There is time. I recognize of course that this doesn't include abortion but on the choices of adoption or parenting, there is time to decide.

I hope you can feel comfortable enough to continue posting here. There are many good people here who have much support to offer. It is very hard to make any decision without people in your arena to back you.

Keep sharing, okay? And take care of yourself today!

[rach1981]

Hey there-
My name is Rachel and I have been in a similar situation twice actually and I chose adoption for both of my boys which are 7 and the other is 8 months. THey are not with the same family. They are actually with separte families but I know I chose the right thing. When I was 19 years old I placed my first child for adoption because my family was not supportive, they didn't want to help me raise it and suggested adoption as an alternative. Then 7 years later I was living my life off track and found a boyfriend and moved in with him and found out I was pregnant again and this is the hardest thing because I never thought honestly God would give me the same situation to go through and I feel like he did to teach me the lesson to be careful and to follow him and he will bless me if i follow him. Each and every day is a struggle for me but I know with god's help you can get through this. I will pray for you as you make your decision and I know God will honor you as he as honored me and blessed me for making the right decision.
Rach

[Amber76]

I don't have any advice for you, but I did want to send hugs, thoughts, and prayers your way. You are very brave and wise to ask for help in making your decision, and I pray that you will make the decision which is best for you and your baby.

[karaboo]

Hi Amy, I know this must be a very frightening and confusing time for you. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now, but it won't always be like this...things will get better.

Pray...pray...pray. I will also pray for you and your baby.

[ericarenee87]

Originally Posted by karaboo

Pray...pray...pray. I will also pray for you and your baby.

I'm so proud of you for doing the right thing. I know you haven't made a decision yet, but you are doing the right thing, by honestly thinking about your decision. I was in your shoes 4 years ago...I placed my daughter with a wonderful family and believe it or not I've healed. But only through the grace of HIM. Karaboo is right pray...pray...pray. But remember to listen. Good luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[kakuehl]

Amy,
Do you have any updates? How are you doing?

[hkaj2006]

I was 17 when I found out that I was pregnant, 18 when I gave birth to my daughter. I chose to place her for adoption the day I found out that I was pregnant because I knew the adoptive family was financially, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a child. I am now 24, happily married and have 2 daughters of my own. We had a semi-open adoption and I still send cards and gifts for her birthday and Christmas, but other than that there is no communication.

Good luck to you, the decision is not easy and can sometimes be difficult to understand, but your child will have a home with people who are ready financially, spiritually and emotionally for a child. Many of them can't even have kids, imagine what a gift you'll be giving them!

[Pangare]

I didn't read through all of the replies, but I'd like to mention that I just placed my daughter for adoption in Texas.

I was, and still am, in a place in life where I was unable to parent, and not ready at all. When I learned that I was pregnant, I debated between abortion, and adoption, and some how adoption just seemed right to me. My fiancee and I chose adoption, and were SO careful in screening agencies until we found one that made us truly comforable in all things.

In my situation, I have no regrets. I just placed my daughter this weekend actually, and supposedly, I should be feeling loss and regret over it, but I just can't. The family that we hand picked were so perfect in every way, including how they welcomed us into their lives. I am welcome to contact them at any time, and the family even made sure that I had all of their contact info.

When my baby was born, I asked to have the adoptive mother brought in, to hold the baby. Seeing the look on her face, and the love in her eyes made me positive that my choice was the best one for my little girl. Through out the entire process, I was never pressured, and was even told by both the agency AND the adoptive parents that it was ok for me to change my mind. I felt completely in control, and like my decision was a gift to all involved, and not a burden on myself or my fiancee.

I know you hear a lot of horror stories about adoption, but in my case it was simply wonderful. PM me if you have any questions, as I'm more then willing to let people know about the good sides of adoption. My agency was wonderful, and they offered me anything I needed to be sure of my choice... which ever choice I ended up making.

Good luck to you though, what ever you decide.

[greenbottles]

I only want to say Don't Do it...investigate ways to parent first then say six months down the track you stilll want to go through with your decision then find good parents. Remember the first three years with baby are tough (lack of sleep mainly) but full of cuddles and love. Also children need very little and your situationn will change. I know of many single mothers who are in great jobs and their children are doing well.

[Heidy26]

Hello I had never been in your situation, actually I will love to be pregnant and have that feeling, but me and my husband had been trying for the last 11 years (I just turned 29) and I have not been able to have a baby. I will advise you to have the baby if you are unable to keep him or her, give the baby up for adoption, you will make another family happy, the baby will have a happy life and you will never have to regret of having an abortion. You have the decision in your hands, do what's right and you will have peace in your heart, a baby bring joy and happiness to the world.