[marysbaby]

hey!
I just started my second trimester and decided I need to start thinking about what I'm looking for in adoptive parents for my child. I am a repeat birthmom. I have a list of basic questions to ask, then started a second list of questions to ask. now I have more questions that come to mind. is it possible to ask too many questions? I am entrusting someone else to raise and care for this child. yrs from now, I would hate for my child to think he/she would have been better off being raised by a nanny than the adoptive parents I chose.
~Mary yummy, can't get enough popcorn!

[loveajax]

Mary, I have already adopted dd. When we first met dd's birth parents (dd's birth mom was about 5 weeks from her due date), dd's birth mom pulled out a notebook full of questions. Some of them were really tough ones!! Although it was nervewracking, I was so impressed and it made me know what a thoughtful and loving mom she was. There's no such thing as too many questions! Best to you. (If you don't mind me asking, is there some reason you are not considering your other child's a parents...sorry if I am being nosy!)

[marysbaby]

thanks for the reply.
and thanks for asking respectfully.
with the first adoption, the adoptive parents and their attorney were not entirely truthful. they are good parents. the child is happy. the family has had financial difficulties, and I will not put another child in that position.
with the second adoption, the child suffered severe injuries at birth. the adoptive family is very very special, but they feel their home is now full.
~Mary

[Dickons]

My opinion...in addition to any questions you already have...

You know your personality and the fathers personality...Chances are your child will a similiar personality to one of you. Ask the prospective adoptive parents what their personality types are...

Personality type matters as some personlity types don't work together.


Kind regards,
Dickons

(adoptee)

[marysbaby]

thanks for your reply. I had not considered personality types and it has not been brought up to me before.
does anyone else have any opinions on this?

[jp4ga]

Ask all the questions you need to and want to. The bmom of my DD did not ask us any questions. She insisted on meeting us and we were prepared for questions. But she did not ask any. It was an ackward meeting, with us just offering up information. Personality questions are great, along with family traditions, religion, views on education, what the family likes to do for fun. ect. Chances are you can find a family that is very much like you and likes the same kinds of things you like to do. I do not think you can ask too many questions. But be prepared to answer a few yourself.

[marysbaby]

thanks for your reply. I am very willing to answer questions the prospective adoptive parents might have.

[sheababy]

As an aparent I would want you to ask as many questions as you want no matter what the topic. It's a huge decision! I wish we would have had more time with our bmom (we only met for about 15 minutes after DD was born).

[marysbaby]

I'm sorry you didn't more time to get to know your daughter's birthmom. it is a huge decision and a lifelong permanent one!

[sammy.coca_4]

Hi,
I would ask as many questions as possible. There is never too many! I am an adopting parent and hope that the bmom that chooses us asks every question she needs in order to feel comfortable. I would never want a bmom to have anything left unanswered!
Good luck and big hugs!!!

[marysbaby]

thanks sammy.coca_4

I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but asking questions is not only a way to find out about someone but a way to start a conversation. I hate that silence when no one knows what to say next.

[singlemomadopting]

I would most definitely ask as many questions as you can think of. Just know that those of us who are adopting are more than willing to answer anything and everything you want to know. We're just as nervous about finding the right baby as you are finding the right parents! Personally, I would love for a birthmom to ask me a lot of questions - I think it would help both sides make sure that the adoption is in the best interest of the child. Best of luck!

[Whirled_Peas]

Regarding personality. There was a really interesting article on NPR recently about two babies that were switched at birth. The one family was very social and outgoing. The other family was very serious. The babies' personalities were like the biological family's and not like the family they grew up in.

Our baby's birthmom chose us without meeting us. We didn't meet her until the baby was 3 days old and she was on her way to sign TPR.

We knew we would love any baby that became part of our family, but what we really wanted was a bio-family that would put the baby's needs first and who we could have a grown up relationship with over the years. We also hoped for a birthfamily that was adventurous and open to new experiences since that is the personality of our family.

We were fortunate to get a really wonderful birthfamily. We've only met them a couple times, but their dedication to our baby is wonderful.

If you're still looking for adoptive parents, I'd say find out what they're hoping for in the situation (besides a healthy baby.) That could help see if you're all a good match.

[Dickons]

Originally Posted by Whirled_Peas

Regarding personality. There was a really interesting article on NPR recently about two babies that were switched at birth. The one family was very social and outgoing. The other family was very serious. The babies' personalities were like the biological family's and not like the family they grew up in.

Thanks Whirled_Peas,

I have been an observer all my life as well as in my reunion - it amazes me the obvious personality similarities that run in families. As for me personally having grown up not knowing anything about my bfamily and now knowing them as an adult I find the similarities to be completely amazing. Some personality types don't match up well in day to day life and I think it should factor into adoption if at all possible.


Kind regards,
Dickons

[sewminky]

Ask away! I am hoping an emom who someday considers us wants it to be just the right match. The more we all know about each other the better, I say!