[marysbaby]

thanks for the replies.
I have been asking lots of questions. I will be meeting with prospective adoptive parents the end of august, then I'll decide which couple to ask if they want to enter into an adoption plan with me.

[tem0627]

Marysbaby,

I'm with everyone else... ask away! This is a huge decision you are making and I think both you and the PAP's want you to be at peace with it.

I brought a page of 20 random questions (fav milkshake, flowers, song, tv show, etc) to our first meeting with our potential birthmom. It broke the ice and made it kind of fun to get to know random info. We found that she and I both really wanted to go to Australia, were daddy's little girls, both loved to sleep in, played soccer, loved the beach and some other fun stuff.

My only addition to what others have said is to consider meeting more than once with the couple you choose or potentially the two couples to narrow it down if you need to. I guess I would say don't feel like you have to ask every single question the first time you meet, but maybe prioritize which ones are most important to you and then maybe ask to meet again for round 2, if you are not at peace with your decision!

[marysbaby]

thanks for the support Erica. and especially mentioning meeting more than once. I was worried about what questions I could ask that would help me decide such an important decision. then I knew I wanted to get together several times...and have time to think over my decision too.
we'll be meeting several times over different days. then I'll go from there.

[abensonslaton]

Mary,
It's important to ask all your questions and more probably. yes it is uncomfortable and not fun because you as a parents want to be honest but you want to be the one you feel is right for your child. I looked it as part of the labor process for me as a mom. In the end it was a great way to get to know each other and trust each other in the big adventure we were about ready to embark on. Good luck and hope your find the perfect parents for you and your little one.
Ange

[legal]

Would any of the families be open to getting the siblings together on occasion? That would be important to me.

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by marysbaby

thanks for your reply. I had not considered personality types and it has not been brought up to me before.
does anyone else have any opinions on this?

I have to say that it was amazing to me how much my birth son's personality is like mine. I have the feeling that some of the difficulties he and his dad had when he was a teen was because of a clash of personalities. (Of course this happens with teens who were born into a family too.)

One of the things that has helped make my reunion a good one, I think, is that the adoptive parents share similar values and background to my own. We have the same level of education. (D's adad and I are both ordained pastors in the same denomination.) Of course, since D's adoption took place in 1972, I had no opportunity to ask questions. All matching was done by the agency. The only thing I was promised was that they would tell him he was adopted. (They kept that promise.) It's interesting to try to think what questions I would have asked.)