[alinev]

Originally Posted by bumblebeeskies

I have to warn you that this is going to sound crazy lol

I have a neighbor who in her 40's, is rather irresponsible and her judgment seems "off". She is always late on her rent and gets into some really strange/dangerous situations. She recently found out she was pregnant. The dad is not in the picture and when caught, he will be going to jail for stealing from the company that he worked for. Anyhow, she realizes that she can't take care of a baby right now and was talking to my mom about just giving the baby to someone. Not like, "I'm making an adoption plan", but just giving it away. I talked to the neighbor the other day, and in good faith, w/ my experiences w/ being an adoptee, I could not recommend adoption. I know that adoption is different now, with open adoption and all, but from all I've read, I don't have much trust in the whole thing. I've read too many times, of first moms being promised things, and then due to whatever reason, the aparents didn't keep their word. So, I told her that I would take care of the baby until she could. It was the only other option I could think of. I'm not working right now, so I have the time. I don't have any other kids, so I don't have to worry about that. Financially, while I can't provide the baby with the best of the best, I can provide everything she would need.

Does this sound too complicated to work? Too dumb to even think about?

I'll just say it, this is dumb. You state that the woman is in her 40's, seems off and gets herself into strange/dangerous situations. She is not making an adoption plan, but will give the child to someone?? Mental illness or drug/alcohol use come to mind as possibilities. Help this woman by immediately pointing her to a professional who can give her the counseling she needs for herself and the child. The alarm bells are ringing. There is no room for a LOL comment in what you have framed to be a truly frightening situation for a child.

[sugarmuffin]

I think its amazing you want to help but why do you feel a need to "save her from herself?"not all adoptive parents are like the ones you read about.adoption? You mention that you don't have childern, do you maybe want one but are unsure how to go about it? I think what you are trying to do is in one way selfless but it could also be about YOU.

Your in my thoughts and prayers and remember to be honest about YOUR feelings and YOUR reasons for wanting to be so involved.

[happygmom]

Hi,

Your situation is not unique. I have a good friend, A, who was in a very similar situation. Her son (now in his 20's) was adopted. His first mother, S, was A's friend who sounds similar to your friend. When S's son was an infant, she was leaving him with A for long periods of time. Between the ages of 1-2 years, S disappeared for a 2 month and then a 5 month period of time.

When the little boy was about 2.5 years, A confronted S with the fact that her son was calling A Mommie and needed stability. S agreed to a completely open adoption (the boy kept his full name).

There were some bumps in the relationship, but all worked out for A's son. He is very successful and happily married. He has a good relationship with his first mother but does not call her Mom. He adores his Mom who raised him.

I think that it depends on how much you trust your friend to keep your relationship on cooperative terms for the benefit of the child. Also, in the long term, I think it is not good for the child to allow her play "mommie" when you are the person who is providing the nurturing.

Happy G'Ma

[Boulderbabe]

So, the initial situation was in March. I'm interested to hear how things worked out!