[dholly84]

I think this is the first time in my life I have every been truly depressed. I am currently 25 yrs old and pregnant with my 5th child. I don't think I can raise another child considering I already have four children who at times can just drive me crazy. I also attend medical school and barely have anytime for homework right now. I don't know what to do, I don't know what things my child will go through if I put her up for adoption. I look at her sister everyday and know she will be like her and look just as pretty and that moment makes me feel even worse then the minute before. I don't know if I am making the wrong decision! I feel my baby moving inside and when I saw the ultrasound my heart sunk. My little girl jumping around, drinking and sucking her thumb. I am torn right now and wonder if I will regret giving her up. I don't think I could feel worse then I do now. I love my little girl!

[Rylee45]

I'm sorry you're going through this with your pregnancy and not knowing what to do.

I hope you'll find a way to parent your 5th child. Of course it's always up to you but in my opinion it's worth keeping your child no matter the cost if you really don't want to give it away.

Think about what she'll think being the 5th child and "not wanted" because she might drive you crazy. When she finds out that you had several other children and chose to give her away, I believe she will probably feel she very bad about it and not want anything to do with you in the future.

I have a friend who was the 3rd child her mother had but the mother didn't want her and gave her up for adoption. It was a horrible thing for my friend because she didn't know she was adopted until her adoptive mom died of cancer. All she ever knew was that woman who raised her WAS her mom.

Her dad had been married before and didn't really want to adopt her he allowed his wife to adopt so she could have a child. He didn't really want one. He had other children from a previous marriage.

When my friend's mom died her dad told her she was adopted and wasn't very nice about it. She was devastated to know she was adopted but the worst to her was the fact she was the 3rd child and not the first her birth mother had. She never wanted anything to do with her when she found out about that.

I know others here will have different opinions (which is fine) but I personally hate adoption because of what I've been through with my daughter and all the other stuff that has gone on since our reunion and finding out she was raised in a crazy house. I am completely against adoption.

But in the end you have to decide what you want to do. Don't give your baby away if you truely don't want to and are already going through all this kind of emotions. You WILL regret it and it will hurt for the rest of your life. Don't do it unless you can live with the decision.

Just my opinion. I know others have their opinions too. This is just what I feel and think.

Rylee

[heart_string]

dholly, I am the bio mom of 3 children who just recently placed a child. My 4th child is a beautiful boy & I am currently in open adoption with his adoptive dad. I am 37 years old, I placed my son for some of the reasons that you stated now. It depends on individual circumstances, but for me, I knew that at this stage in my life, I am simply unable to raise another child.

I have been where you are.

Please feel free to pm me for private conversation if you need to.

I wholeheartedly suggest that you take your time, review each and every one of your options. What you feel now, you may not feel in 2 or 3 months, or after you give birth. Try to get in contact with a counselor that will help you work through whatever fears you may have.

Taking care of yourself is part of raising a healthy child. Only you know what is best for you & your circumstances.

I'm wishing you all the best dholly.

[AlisonMarie]

I'd say just make sure it's decision based on what you feel is truly best for your baby, and not just feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities. I think any situation can work, and once you place that child, there is no turning back. The decision is made, and it is final. I wish someone had told me that. I have second guessed myself and beaten myself up a million times since placing my son for adoption. Make sure it's a decision made weighing the pros and cons over and over again.

[selbert]

Hang in there sweetie! It will be ok....

[crick]

Since you have 4 kids, I assume you became a parent while still in late high school or certainly during college? To be able to graduate college and be accepted into med school, you must have a great support system!

Both physically & financially, because wow...college & med school are quite expensive! (meaning, money is not a concern for you to raise a child, so that doesn't need to be considered, I would assume)

Amazing to have such a strong support system in place because not everyone has it so please do consider this before making any decisions.

What does your husband/boyfriend think? As the baby's father, he'll have a right to parent.

[Boulderbabe]

Hey, Crick---Just an FYI. Most people take out loans to get through medical school. The average doctor graduates with over $100,000 in debt.

Ouch!

[taramayrn]

I hope you are able to find the support you need here.

Just a reminder that adoption.com is not a matching site and those who are found to be soliciting will be banned. If anyone contacts you wanting to adopt your baby please contact myself or one of the other mods.

[islandgirl1]

Hi dHolly,

You don't sound like you really want to put your baby up for adoption. It sounds more like you are just overwhelmed right now. With all the responsiblities you have ...4 children, MED school, homework, it sounds like you barely have time to take a bath. Do you have someone that can give you a hand for a little while? Someone to come and take care of the kids while you study or do something you want or need to do? Don't be afraid to ask for help. You girl, need a break! You DO need to have time for just YOU. And don't feel guilty about taking time for just YOU. It's hard sometimes just to be able to be YOU when you have so many things demanding your attention. I know when my son's birthmother (H) was working 2 jobs I would pick up her daughter at daycare and babysit for her. Sometimes H. would look so tired and worn out when she would come pick up her daughter, I would just tell her to go home and get a bath and go to bed and I'll take care of her daughter for her. Sometimes I would take her for a couple of days to give H a break.

Is the father helping you? Have you discussed how you are feeling with him? Have you discussed how you are feeling with your parents? Do they know you are considering giving the baby up for adoption? Having a baby and/or placing a baby not only effects your life, but everyone else in your life. Talk to your family and get their input.

I don't know how far you are in your pregnancy, but you still have plenty of time to decide and weigh you options.
If you decide on adoption do you want open, semi open or closed? Do you want to be able to chose the adopting family or let the agency/attorney choose? Do you want to meet the adoptive family? Do you want to have the adoptive family with you at the time of the birth? Do you want photo's X amount of times a year or would you like to be able to visit your baby? There's many more questions that you will be faced with and it would be good to have explored all of the many options while trying to decide what you want to do. Mine is an open adoption and in the beginning H just wanted pictures, but instead she became part of the family and I'm so glad she did.

Don't let anyone scare you or make you feel guily about adoption or parenting. Only you can make the right choice and whatever choice you make will be the right choice for YOU.

If you feel overwhelmed and depressed again come back here or you can PM me if you want to hash things out or rant and rave or just talk. I know when H. is having a hard time with work, daughter, boyfriends, parents, life, she will call or come over we will talk for hours and hours and by the end of the phone call/visit she is in better spirits. Just being able to voice out your feelings, fears and anxiety helps with depression and chases away the desire to run away and join the circus.
Don't lose your laughter! It's the best pill for your ill's


Remember all parents feel like their children can drive them insane sometimes and all children feel like their parents don't understand them. That's why GOD created chocolate and hair color and stupid movies.

Come back and let us know how you are doing.

Patty