[Marieblanken]

Hi,

I am a 38 yr old single mom of 1. I just found out 2 weeks ago I am pregnant again. I have a 3 yr old little boy that I take care all by myself. The b'father left us, no reason why but he did. When I found out I was pregnant the second time I felt ashamed that I would let this happen and with the hard times that I have now raising a child I know there is noway I can do this on my own, so, I struggled for about a week, I don't believe in abortion and why should this baby suffer because of me. So, I decided to talk to some lawyers and was treated horrible. Now, I had to really concider this childs options, do I have this baby and raise it and what if I can't afford the food or clothes or even diapers? I did the pros and cons and I think the best option is adoption, then you read or hear negitive things about adoptive parents. Then my family finds out and drops me because of adoption, for me the worst part is I have no family support, no friends and all because of my choice to adopt out this baby. I want a better life for this child, I want this child to be happy. I love my son and I do just fine with him, but I can't make it with 2 and all alone, I've been told and called many nasty things. But I feel I let this child down and it's all my fault if this child suffers. Maybe that's part of coping with the feelings I have. I don't know! All I know is I made a mistake and I won't make this baby suffer because of me.


Marie

[Janeytwo]

Dear Marie,

Hey there. I sympathise with the confusion and fear that is surrounding you now.

You know though, you don't have to make any decisions now. It's good to weigh things out but the good thing is you have time before making anything final.

Keep posting. This is a good place to come for support.

Take care of yourself today, okay?

Hugs to ya!

[Marieblanken]

Hi Janey,

I am only 7 wks now, I am taking my time, I want a really great family and I hope to find one.

I'm sure the feelings and fears will be there, I am very protective of my son, I was worse when I was pregnant with him. We have to protect them noone else will.

Thanks for your posts and I'm glad to know there are people out there I can talk to.

Thanks,
marie

[EZ2Luv]

Dear Marie

First and foremost I want to congratulate you on your prgnancy. Regardless of what you choose to do this is still a new life that deserves to be congratulated.

You have come to the right place. No one here will ever put you down no matter what you decide. Please take your time before making any type of decisions. and keep in mind that adoption is a premanant solution for a temporary situation. Things are constantly changing in life, finances, jobs, relationships ect.
Also, as an adoptee I can tell you that there are some wonderful aparents out there and if your baby is meant to be adopted(and only you will know) I pray that they are as wonderful as my own aparents were.

As Janey said, please take care of yourself.

EZ

[calee]

First of all,

Sounds like you haven't gotten much love or support at the beginning of this pregnancy, and I am so sorry. I hope sincerely that that begins to turn around for you.

I (obviously) would not pretend to know whether parenting or placing is the best choice for you, but I am so sorry that your friends and family are not supporting your right to explore your options.

You DO have a LOT of time, and a lot could change in the next several months. If you do decide to go the adoption route, since you have had a bad experience with lawyers, another option is an agency-they should also be able to offer you counseling.

In the meantime, while you are thinking/deciding, is there a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area? They should be able to help/listen while you go through your pregnancy and decision making process.

Blessings to you!

[taramayrn]

Welcome to the forums. I hope you will find the support you need here.

Adoption.com is not a matching site. It is against our rules for someone to contact you hoping to adopt your baby and it would be against our rules for you to contact someone hoping they will adopt your baby.

If anyone contacts you please contact myself or one of the other mods here. Those who use this site for the purposes of solicitation will be banned.

[elena13]

Hi. I know exactly what you are going through. I am a birthmom who at 16 gave her child up for adoption because my family gave me no support and my mom basically forced me. I am now 35 and have never been able to have children again. I have been married for 16 years and am ready to adopt, but it's very costly and very lenghty. My daughter found me 3 months ago, she is now 18. Her adoptive parents are very nice people and have given her a wonderful life full of love and of course material things I could have never given her at 16. I am glad I made the choice of giving her life and she has accepted me and thanked me for that. It is a difficult choice but knowing you and only you give them life and gave them a chance to live is a gift that no-one can take away from you. I would love to talk to you more about the adoption process. Take care and hope to hear back from you.

[heart_string]

Hi Marie & welcome!

I am a 37 year old mother of 2 children 13 & 11. I am also the mother of a son born Jan 31, 2009 & placed for adoption.

My reason for the placement was not financial or emotional. I simply knew what I could deal with physically & spiritually regarding parenting another child at this stage in my life. I wanted my son to have a different life than what I feel I can give at this time. He would not have been a financial burden, but I just can't see myself 'starting over' at my age.

Marie, I was also mostly alone through most of my pregnancy.

Then, I sought counseling - and I felt like a 20 ton boulder had been removed from my chest. Talking to professionals who have seen just about every circumstance, who do not judge you for 'letting' yourself get pregnant, who already have the information that you are seeking regarding pregnancy - it was like I was just existing initially & was finally given permission to 'live' again.

I agree with the other ladies - you have plenty of time to make a decision about adoption or parenting. Please make contact with a counselor - trust me when I tell you it will HELP!

I chose my son's adoptive dad. I was able to bond with him as a person for the final 2 1/2 months of my pregnancy - so when my son was born, it strengthened what was already becoming a pretty good friendship. (no hanky-panky - he is VERY gay LOL).

Please hang around here Marie & just read through some of the threads. I lurked for a while before joining & I still don't post much unless a topic really 'speaks' to me.

If you'd like to talk more privately, please pm me or one of the other ladies that posted.

I am wishing you strength in this difficult time.

[Marieblanken]

Hi and thanks,

I have tried several lawyers, and I have found a good adoption firm, but I still feel scared and confused. I am one of those very shy people that don't make friends easily, I really don't have anyone in my life and my family well they just dumped me for this whole situation. I don't know how they could do this, if they don't agree with my decission then tell me so, but it will be ok. My sons dad doesn't come around and he could care less about this baby, I grew up without my dad and I was so desperate for my son to have his that I was just ferosious defending him and his only paternal grandmother has nothing to do with him. So, besides not able to support this child do I really want this child to grow up in a enviroment that is unhealthy? I lost my mom in 2000. She was my best friend and wish so much she was here now. Not only for me but my son to. She wanted me to have a child when I was married and I didn't. what I hate the most about this is not only did I let myself down, but now I have 2 kids that I disappointed and it is just breaking my heart, my son will have a sibling out there and he most likely will never meet his brother or sister.

But, thanks for the posts everyone, I really appreciate it.

Marie

[Marieblanken]

Hi,

I didn't know I could go to a pregnancy center for support? I know I need a counselor but had no idea how to go about it, thanks for the info I will be on it in the morning. My family droped me, I have no friends. Just this forum to express myself and I really appriciate this.

Thanks Marie

[RavenSong]

Marie, have you considered going through an adoption agency? You don't need to go through a lawyer if you don't want to. There are licensed and reputable adoption agencies in all major cities. I don't know about the smaller ones, but I could PM you the names of several large adoption agencies that have been in existence for many years. Just let me know.

I'm sorry you're having trouble dealing with your family. It's a hard situation.

As other posters have pointed out, there is no rush to make any decision this early on. In fact, you probably shouldn't make the final decision until you've said hello to your new baby.

Have you considered open adoption? There's several types of adoption available these days: open, semi-open, and closed. An open adoption (OA) allows you to remain in contact with your child and his/her parents, as well as receive updates and photos. A semi-open adoption allows updates and photos, but no visits or phone calls. And a closed adoption is the "traditional" type, where you will receive no updates, photos, or personal contact. A good adoption agency will be able to explain these choices in more detail.

I hope you keep posting here. There's usually someone hanging around, no matter what time of day or night. Sometimes it just helps to talk things out.

[jeffery1988]

Iam birthmother of 21 year old son and have three children I am parenting please feel free to pm me anytime. I used a great agency that helped with counseling and financial stuff too while waiting. IF INTERESTED PLEASE LET ME KNOW Amy

[Marieblanken]

Hi,

I found one and working with them and they are pretty nice and telling me to take my time too. I really want the couple or person that adopts this baby to go thru the whole process of the pregnancy, that is really important to me. The whole process of this baby growing is very special and I really want them to experience it. Does that sound strange? But, I understand not all have time for it. I also don't want to see the baby or hold the baby, is that a good idea or will that make it harder for me? What do you all think?

Marie

[Janeytwo]

Dear Marie,

Hey there. Excellent points have been posted all around - especially from Heart_Strings. She is correct about contacting a counselor. I echo that. Please, whatever else you do, don't try to do this without some kind of support from someone who knows your situation. People may think they understand what you're going through but they don't. Perhaps try contacting Brenda in here via PM (BRomanchik is her screen name in here). She is a therapist who helps birthparents and I can testify first-hand that she is an excellent source of knowledge on adoption and support as well.

I also don't want to see the baby or hold the baby, is that a good idea or will that make it harder for me? What do you all think?

((( Marie ))) I am a bmom from the Closed Era and this is what I would say (just my personal opinion). I think that not saying goodbye to your baby may be very damaging for you later in life. From the bmoms I've heard who didn't get to see their baby or hold their baby before relinquishment, they are haunted by that.

This is a tough road kiddo; a very tough road. And what may seem easier in the short-run can be devastating in the long run. I don't mean to frighten you and I'm not trying to talk you out of your decision. I respect how hard this is for you.

Keep us posted okay?

[JustPeachy]

Of course, it is ultimately your decision to make and only you know what is right for you, however, I would encourage you to see and hold your baby. I was told not to by some nurses at the hospital, but I insisted. They kept saying "It will only make it harder for you if you see him." I told them that was for me to determine, and I saw my child at every feeding (3x a day for 4 days I was in the hospital). I figured, I carried this child, I'm going to get to know him while I can, and give him the chance to know me. In fact, it did NOT make it harder for me. I was so very thankful I had this time with him and have never regretted it. I also had a semi-open (open was not an option when I placed). People sometimes say getting pictures and letters is only going to rip open old wounds or be traumatic to get, but again, in my case, it was very helpful for me to see my son as he grew up, even if it was only in pictures. If I were placing now, I'd go for open all the way. Keep in mind, however, in most states open adoptions are not legally binding and the adoptive parents can, at their discretion, close the adoption for any reason.

It must be hard going through this without the support of friends and family. I hope you will continue to post here as there are some fabulous ladies on this board who are happy to share their stories and offer sound advice.

I really want the couple or person that adopts this baby to go thru the whole process of the pregnancy, that is really important to me. The whole process of this baby growing is very special and I really want them to experience it. Does that sound strange?

I think that is a very kind gesture to the person/people who may adopt your baby, and I'm sure they would be thrilled that you want them to be a part of your pregnancy.