[quantum]

Hiya, welcome to the forums. You'll get a lot of stories and a lot of advice. It's GOOD to explore all options.
One thing I really want to emphasize though...this is YOUR choice. It is YOU that is going to have to live with it. Listen to your heart. If you follow what your heart is telling you, you can't go wrong.
I relinquished my son 23 years ago. My heart said it was what was best for him. Even though it's been hard, really hard at times, I listened to my heart, so I don't regret it. I wish I'd had open adoption as an option but that's another thing.

Remember too, THERE IS NO RUSH in making this decision. Give yourself the time to do it. Thing is,as it has been said before...adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I am so sorry that your boyfriend has been giving you such a hard time, it's just what you do NOT need right now. (((((((chinabuffet))))))

Hang in there and please please please take your time.

[hockeywoman]

Please take your time in making this decision. It's an extremely emotional time for you, with all the hormonal changes and your ex's nasty attitude. I pray God will provide you guidance. I have a very good friend who had a baby under similar circumstances when she was 18, and her family was very supportive to help care for her child while she attended school to get her nursing degree to support her child. She then got involved with a wonderful man at 28, who was great to her daughter, but then she got pregnant and he up and left because he didn't want to be a dad. So now she's a single mom of 2 wonderful children. On top of that, she can no longer be a nurse due to an injury/health problem she suffered while working. So my thoughts and prayers are with you. If your family is close and you want to parent, would they be supportive in this way?

[ChinaBuffet]

yes, my family wants me to keep and parent the child. That's kind of why I'm in a hard spot. I dont think I'm ready or even want to parent right now. I think adoption is hard and I'm leaning towards abortion right now but I don't know if I can emotionally deal with that either. I really don't know what to do. My family disapproves of any option except parenting, and right now I'm trying to find away out of calling an abortion "abortion" to them. Somehow explaining a miscarriage or something. I'm scared. I wasn't at first but now all of the life changing and planning is starting to hit me and I just want to live my life right now. If I end up a single mother, I want it to be because of a divorce, not because I was careless at 23.

[Jackiejdajda]

ChinaBuffet

yes, my family wants me to keep and parent the child.

This is not their decision.. this is your decision..

That's kind of why I'm in a hard spot. I dont think I'm ready or even want to parent right now.

You are 23.. You can leave home and make your way on your own.. You can stand up to them and say no..

You can separate from all their wants and desires..
You have a life ahead of you.. and you are the one that will have to live it..

I believe that the women that actually make their own decision on terms of relinquishing their baby.. find the healing easier.
If someone has forced a person to make a decision (to keep or relinquish or to abort) they may end up resenting the person that forced the person to make the decision and then they are not actually doing the grief work necessary..

It can be grieved.. it can be done.. You do what is right for you and the father..
If he has problems in his life these are his to sort.. you can not do him....

I think adoption is hard and I'm leaning towards abortion right now but I don't know if I can emotionally deal with that either.

My daughter had an abortion.. she grew up with a woman that relinquished and kept it a secret and did nothing about my grief work till the mid eighties.. She did not want what I went through..
And I told her when she told me that she needs to do what she thinks is right for her..
She was not ready to raise a child and she did not want to relinquish..

I am not anti adoption if you do not want to abort and do not want to raise the child.. then adoption is good for the child.. for the baby..

I really don't know what to do. My family disapproves of any option except parenting, and right now I'm trying to find away out of calling an abortion "abortion" to them. Somehow explaining a miscarriage or something.

Lies hurt.. I lied.. I did not tell my sister about the baby I relinquished and we had cut off for a long long time..
I do not know how you were raised and if you are emotionally dependent on your parents.. but.. You get to leave home and you get to live the life ahead of you with all the good and bad stuff involved..

I'm scared. I wasn't at first but now all of the life changing and planning is starting to hit me and I just want to live my life right now. If I end up a single mother, I want it to be because of a divorce, not because I was careless at 23.

You are having to grow up faster than you should.. but grow up you must..

Jackie

[Janeytwo]

Hey China. My name's Janey. Welcome here!! :-)

I wanted to say that I sympathize with the confusion you're in - both the joy of pregnancy and the fear of the implications it brings for single women. Heck, it brings plenty of fear for all women - married or not- in some way I think.

I also agree with what has been said about taking time for yourself; not rushing into a decision.

It is enough simply dealing right now with being pregnant and with all the emotional blackmail that the bdad has laid on you. That's some heinous crapolio IMO!!

Try not too worry kiddo (easier said than done I know). But try not too worry.....you will know what to do when the times right......you will know.

And whatever decision you make, I'm sure it will be the one you think is best.

Hugs to you today!

Janey

[hermommy]

Originally Posted by ChinaBuffet

yes, my family wants me to keep and parent the child. That's kind of why I'm in a hard spot. I dont think I'm ready or even want to parent right now. I think adoption is hard and I'm leaning towards abortion right now but I don't know if I can emotionally deal with that either. I really don't know what to do. My family disapproves of any option except parenting, and right now I'm trying to find away out of calling an abortion "abortion" to them. Somehow explaining a miscarriage or something. I'm scared. I wasn't at first but now all of the life changing and planning is starting to hit me and I just want to live my life right now. If I end up a single mother, I want it to be because of a divorce, not because I was careless at 23.

I am not a birth mother. But my little sister got pregnant at the age of 16, then again at 18. We all supported her and gave her the help she needed. She finished school, worked and took care of the first child. the second was born after she graduated. She then went on to college. She dated, and had a life. She is now 22. She is a nurse, a mother, and now a wife. Her husband is NOT the bio dad of her two beautiful girls. However, no one would ever know the difference. He treats those two babies as his own. I guess I am telling you this so that you know there is men out there that would love you and your child if you decide to keep it.

I am in the process of adopting my child. I have a open adoption with my dd's birth family. So maybe if you do choose adoption you could pick a family that would allow you and your parents to have some type of contact with the child. My dd sees her birth grandma 2x a month. Maybe your parents would be open to something like that.

[JustPeachy]

I believe that the women that actually make their own decision on terms of relinquishing their baby.. find the healing easier

In my case, this has been 100% true. I will not say it was a walk in the park, by any means, but I was allowed to come to my decision on my own, and chose adoption (no pressure from family, agencies, friends, etc.). I also got excellent counseling both before I had my child and after. If someone else made this important decision for me, or forced me to do it, I know I would not have handled it well at all.

Take the time to weigh all your options. No matter what you choose, it will be a permanent decision. Figure out what you can best handle and go from there. I would plan on making your decision again after having the baby, if you choose to take the pregnancy to term, as your feelings can very well change after you give birth.