[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Hey everyone. I'm glad to have found this place, because I need some perspective from people who have been there and who are outside of this particular situation (not family, etc.)

I just turned 22 last week. I am about 18-19 weeks pregnant (the only thing I found out at the last doctor visit was only "o hai, btw ur preggers. kthnxbye", and not how far along or what gender it is.) I am in no way ready to parent, either financially or emotionally. Sure, I could read to my child and play on the floor with her, but so can a lot of people - that doesn't make them parent material. Anyway, I won't list all of that here (you have better things to do with a week), but I know that I am simply not ready to parent. I have never wanted children and this "surprise" hasn't really changed that.

My main dilemma is this: I'm not sure who the father of the baby is, my husband "R", or my best friend "C". I love both of them dearly, but my husband doesn't know that C. and I have been together that way. He thinks the baby is his, and due to his emotional issues, I intend to let him think this is so. C. is aware that it could be either of theirs. Both of them are fully accepting of whatever decision I make, and both have agreed to sign over their parental rights if I do choose to place the child for adoption.

Right now C. and I are living with my dad and stepmom, part of a plan to relocate C. away from his godawful parents. (Another long story.) R. stayed back home, but is planning to come here at a later date when we have the money. A plan was made for this relocation (the three of us, as friends, would share a house as a sort of financial arrangement.) before I found out I was pregnant. When I found out, the doc said I was about 12-14 weeks along.

Adoption was not my first choice. Abortion was. However, since I am so far along, there was simply no way to come up with the large amount of money needed to go that route. (Hard to hear for many, I know. Sorry, but it's the truth.)

The thing is, when I told stepmom about the "dueling paternity" issue, she thinks that if I go through an adoption agency that tests will be done and it will come out to my husband wether I like it or not. I know that in Texas the bFathers have the right to know of the pregnancy and the eMom's adoption plan, but beyond that I haven't been able to find anything else. I have emailed an adoption agency in Austin with my questions, but no answer yet (this was only yesterday afternoon, however.) Of course, this is the woman who thinks you can't name the baby at all before placement, or that gay or lesbian couples would even want children. I also think that it has partly to do with their "moral" direction on the matter and the fact that they want another grandchild. It's not like they will totally miss out on the experience, they have 3 grandkids by her daughters and 4 grandkids by my half-sister (dad's other daughter from first marriage. this is his third.). They keep subtly pushing the idea of parenting at me with their words like, "If you keep it" and "further down the road" and "just in case."

Last night we were discussing how I might apply for MedicAid and WIC for pregnancy. Stepmom wants me to say that R. and I are separated (we are, but only physically, not emotionally or legally) and that I want to keep the child and he doesn't, to cover up the fact that he doesn't work (reason why is ambiguous at this point, but i support his reason). They want me to say I'm going to keep the baby, then if I am going to pursue adoption options, to do so after baby is born. That if I tell them (MedicAID/WIC) I'm considering adoption, then they'll just tell me to go through an agency...circle back around to the paternity thing. This angered me because I know exactly what they're thinking -- that if I keep the child for a few weeks/months and have to raise it, I'll suddenly go "Awww, I'm keeping you" because I'm now attatched to it. That's what both of my stepsisters did with their unplanned pregnancies. (Sort of. The younger of them took fertility drugs to please her husband, but being told all her life she wouldn't concieve, she thought they wouldn't work. They now have a six month old son, cute as a bug.) I already am "attached" to my unborn baby, and I love her to death, but I don't believe I would be able raise her well. I'm just not ready.

Anyone have insight into Texas law or the two bFather issue? Like I said before, both are supportive of an adoption plan and have told me they will give up parental rights. They have not gone back and forth with the issue or threatened me or anything like that; they're both really great people.

[taramayrn]

Welcome - first things first - adoption.com is not a matching site and it is against our rules for someone to contact you asking to adopt your baby. If someone does contact you please let either myself or one of the other mods know.

Alright, now that we've got that out of the way - please do your research about what options are in terms of financial assistance, etc. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are many birthmoms who have placed here because of financial problems and down the road their financial situation has worked itself out.
When you don't feel emotionally ready to be a parent, well that's a bit harder, but there are alot of support systems out there for parents that might be able to assist in being "more" ready to parent.
As for the paternity issue - I don't know, but I have never heard of an agency performing "tests" to find out who the father of the unborn baby is. I also do not know what Texas laws are.
Take care...

[MamaS]

In most states the husband is presumed to be the father of his wife's child and his name goes on the birth certificate. If you and R are legally married, and he is agreeable to your plans, that should solve the problem. However, there is the possibility that C could have a change of heart "aw, she's so cute I want to keep her" and file a paternity claim, which would cause the problem you are trying to avoid.

[BrandyHagz]

They'll both sign as 'possible fathers'.

That's that.

Altho, in Texas, it is assumed the husband is the father - if you want to do it, just ask that both be TPR'd as possible fathers.

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Thanks for the quick replies! MamaS has a point, that there's always a possibility that C could do that...you never know another person one hundred percent, but in my case I think it's highly unlikely. I will be cautious and keep communicating with both of them regarding their feelings.

[kindredspirit]

I had the same type of issue with my son. Bmom was married and had a bf on the side. Her husband knew it was not his and stated that from the start.

Our lawyer had both Husband and BF sign. Lawyers can contact both parties without either side knowing. Don't let the agencies push you around, they don't always look out for you.

Good luck.

[djvj]

hi,
i also thought that it might be important to prepare yourself emotionally for the journey you are about to take since it seems you are pretty serious about going through with an adoption. there is a book called The Girls Who Went Away, which are a collection of stories of over 100 women who relinquished their birthchildren through adoption and a brief history of adoption in America. If I could go back and tell myself to do one thing for myself while i was pregnant, it would be to read that book so that i would have some idea of the issues that come up after the birth of the baby and how to best prepare myself to deal with them.

best of luck!!!

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Thanks for the book rec. I love to read, so I will definitley look into it.

I'm a little edgy about some of the negative comments I hear about agencies, as I'm planning on at least talking to one sometime this week. Are they all that bad? What things should I look out for?

[kindredspirit]

Look some people have great experinces with agencies. Some don't, read prior posting. I personally don't trust them. I have been one of the lucky ones (?) who have experince both sides on the coin. As a Birthmother, the agencies just told me what they thought I wanted to hear so I would sign the paperwork and give my baby up to them. Not knowing I come from an family that don't trust people in life and do alot of research first. As an Adoptive Parent, I first call the agencies and found so many inconsistency in their "sales pitch." But not all agencies are like that, I am sure there are some good ones but I have not come across any.

Again, not all private lawyers will be honest either. You have to make sure you know what your rights are and what you want.

Just do your research first before signing anything. Make sure you know your rights and make sure you are heard in what you want.

Good Luck.

[Southernroots]

I hear very few positive stories from mothers who have relinquished in dealing with adoption agencies. The biggest complaints are that agencies in general seem to not be as honest as they should about the real consequences of adoption. They do seem to tell women what they want to hear....."you'll get over it"....."it will get easier," etc. "your child will understand and know that you loved them."

Many women considering adoption for their children want to be told that it will work out fine. However, there are no guarantees that will be the case. Sometimes it gets easier, sometimes it gets harder over the years. As for adoptees understanding, some will, and others will not. Adoptees sometimes grow up understanding that their birth parents love them; other times they do not.

[djvj]

well, one of the main problems i have with agencies is all the push about how a birthmother is lacking, and the presentation of two paying strangers as somehow able to provide things you never could.

i don't care who you are, you could always find richer, more stable, more beautiful, more giving people to parent your children. if every unplanned pregnancy ended in adoption probably 100 times more of us would be adopted. agency's who know you are considering adoption will always assume you aren't "good" enough and will use the "whats best for the child" party line. ironically, there's been a lot of research and theories in the last 10 years that indicate that adoption is actually as traumatic for the infant as well as the mother, and can lead to attachment disorders later in life. the bottom line is no parent is perfect; in an ideal world birth parents would get as much support preparing to be good parents (and continue with self improvement, like school) as we do in getting talked into giving our children away. any insecurity you have about yourself as a potential parent will be magnified by an agency who stands to benefit monetarily from you adopting your child. unfortunately, it is a cold hard fact of life that these agencies exist and pay their employees by money made from you giving birth and relinquishing, and prospective parents paying THEM for that. for every healthy newborn baby placed there are something like 100 families waiting to adopt...

there are women on this board who have relinquished their children to have "a better life" who upon being reunited with their children have found out their children were abused, neglected, or just raised in an unhealthy manner. i am not one; my daughter's story is fairytale, and still, i really think the way i was pressured into thinking it was impossible for me to be a good parent was really wrong.

having said that, not all agencies are bad -- they can offer you hundreds of prospective adoptive parents to choose from, they can provide support while you are pregnant, etc...but you have to remember, only you know what is best. i personally think every prospective birthmother should have a basic plan for what to do if they change their minds after birth-- you simply cannot predict or explain the difference in being pregnant and in holding your baby in your arms -- that is when you truly need to make a choice. before, you should prepare for all your options, adoption being one of them, if you think that is right for you. i would have definitely changed my mind after birth, but i felt backed in to a corner -- i thought i was the equivalent of Satan if i kept my baby. i personally will never ever ever fully recover from the pain and grief of being separated from my child for 23 years. no matter how happy i am in reunion, i still want my baby back, i still need to love her...and i never will be able to. It was a permanent decision, and a life changing one for all involved.

i think it's really great that you are on the forum, reading and posting. it means that you will be prepared for whatever you find upon meeting with an agency. personally, i would sit back and see what they say; if you feel any of it is familiar to the stories you see here then red flag it, and proceed with caution.

the biggest thing to know is that before you sign papers and go into court, YOU are the one in control. know your rights and ask for what you want. get everything in writing. don't be cowed into thinking anyone is doing you a favor...the pain of relinquishment is often compared to the pain of a mother losing her child to death. there is no favors happening here.

best of luck to you and i will be following your story. keep posting!

[TxMom65]

Forgive me for popping in on the wrong forum, but looking at this from an adoptive mom's perspective you have a child who may not ever know their true paternity. I hope there is a way you can have C sign TPR and have it on record for someday if the child decides to search or wants to know a medical history.

I realize you are in a very difficult position. I pray that you find that answers you are seeking.

[JustPeachy]

Definitely do your homework with regard to agencies, but they are not all bad. My agency did not use coercive tactics. I was told I needed to consider what I felt was in my child's best interest, but it was never pushed on me that adoption was better. I had a lot of time to consider other options, both before delivery and after. At that time, my agency didn't do "options counseling" (they do now), but I understood that my other options were to terminate the pregnancy or parent. I knew about welfare and other services, but did not wish to pursue these avenues. If anything, I had more pressure from my obstetrician to keep my child, go on welfare, etc.

It's not an easy decision, no matter which way you go. I knew I wasn't ready to parent and give my son the life I wanted him to have. It is hard to relinquish a child, no question, and no one can really explain how difficult it will be, but it would have been also hard, (and possibly a complete disaster, if I am to be honest), for me to raise my child at that time. I did not want to take that risk with his life. I was never told I'd "get over it" or "move on and forget about it" by any of my caseworkers at the agency (but ironically was told "you should be over this by now" from my own dear mother, two weeks after giving birth). I was told from my agency I would grieve, and it would be hard, but I had to make my decision after careful consideration of my circumstances, what I wanted for my son, and what I wanted for myself, as well. They also offered very good post-adoption counseling services. I've often thought about this, but given the same circumstances, and even knowing what I know now, I would probably make the same decision.

For me, I have to say, it did get easier over time, because I got good counseling, I was clear on my decision, and I saw how my son benefitted. If anything, it has gotten harder for me now, in midlife, and I often wonder if that has something to do with it because midlife is the time when people reflect on their past and re-hash/re-evaluate choices they made when younger. I never regretted my decision, but recently have regretted my circumstances at that time. I don't know if I ever reunite, if I will feel more sorrow at not raising my son. There is a loss in not getting to raise him, but also so much that I've gained, and more importantly, that my son has gained, from my decision.

[Liliana31]

Dear Moonlight,

I found this in another thread and wanted to share it with all of you here.

It is the most powerful text I´ve read on this subject and I agree with every single word. I´m a birthmother from Scandinavia about to reunite with my daughter.

It´s seldom a good time to have babies. I sure wasn´t ready when I was asked to foster my little cousin after her parents died. I was about to buy my first house and had lots of debt. Somehow it all worked itself out.

I respect whatever choice you make, but take a look at this and explore your options carefully.

Love,
Liliana


Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Considering Adoption

by Heather Lowe

One of the things I hear most frequently from parents who have recently lost children to adoption is, "If ONLY I had known." People in a crisis pregnancy are especially prone to denial, and it's very hard to accurately imagine what adoption will be like. I am posting these items in an effort to share the things I wish I had known when I was considering adoption (and was stuck in major denial myself.)
Adoption might well be the best thing for you and your child, but in order to be a truly good thing, it needs to be a well-considered decision, and you need to hear the negative aspects as well as the positive.

This list will likely change and grow as input from other first parents is received. Please visit the guestbook on my website if you are a first parent wanting to add advice to this site.

1. I wish I'd known that family preservation should come first. Most experts on adoption agree that if a child can stay in his first family, he should. Family separation is traumatic for everyone involved, and if there is a way to keep the mother and child together, it should be found. Single parenthood is NOT inherently bad; it's the way it's handled that makes the difference. Some people make excellent single parents, others do not.

Adoption is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Consider how you will feel if you've relinquished due to money reasons, and six months down the road, you have a good job that pays well. Or how you'll feel if you relinquished due to lack of family support, and the same people who refused to help you raise your child are now saying, "We wish you'd kept the baby. We could have helped you." (Family members who are unhappy about your unplanned pregnancy will often do the most amazing turnaround once they see the newborn baby.) Try to separate which of your problems are time-limited and which seem here to stay. Some problems are insurmountable and will lead you to choose adoption, while some problems can be fixed if you know where to turn.

2. I wish I'd known that the child will probably not be grateful to have been relinquished. Most adoptees report feeling abandoned by their first mothers. While they may be glad to have been adopted, they are most definitely not happy to have been relinquished. (In other words, they see their adoption as two separate events: being given up and being taken in. The second is warm and fuzzy, while the first is full of hurt.) It's very hard to know that the most painful choice you make for your child might not even be appreciated by them. There are no guarantees that your child will love you for what you've done. Can you live with that? Don't fall into the "martyr" mindset that you are doing something beautiful and noble for your child - you might be disappointed if the eventual adult doesn't see it that way.

3. I wish I'd known that I wasn't carrying my child for someone else, and that it wasn't my responsibility to help all the poor, infertile couples of the world. A pregnant woman in a crisis situation desperately wants to make things better again. She may be under enormous pressure from her family, experiencing disapproval and shame. It's natural that a woman in those circumstances will want to "fix" things and earn approval once more, but it shouldn't be done by trying to make a prospective adoptive couples' dreams come true.

It can be very emotionally wrenching to look through the profiles of hundreds of waiting couples, all of whom seem so "deserving" of parenthood when you aren't even sure if you are. You begin to feel sad for each one of them, and would love to be the one to provide them with their most cherished desire. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. Their hopes and dreams exist independently of you. If you relinquish to them in order to make them happy, you've lost your only child. If you decide to parent, they will be heartbroken, yes, but they can always go on to find another child. It is not your responsibility to "fix" someone else's childlessness. The only people who should count in your decision for or against adoption are you and your child.

4. I wish I'd known that society hates first parents. Americans have a very schizophrenic attitude toward adoption. On the one hand, we love people who take in "unwanted" children. On the other hand, we see families who have adopted as settling for second-best. The same two-faced approach is found on the first parent side of the equation. We applaud a woman who is considering adoption as being admirably unselfish in putting the needs of her child first. But once the woman moves beyond consideration and actually surrenders her child, she is looked down upon. After all,"who could give away their own flesh and blood?"

As adoption author Jim Gritter has noted, nothing can prepare you for the plummet in your stock you will see once you move from potential first mother to first mother. The very same people who told you you were doing a terrific, noble thing while you were pregnant will now tell you you are a heartless abandoner. What's even worse is that they will be telling you this at a time that you are most vulnerable: grieving heavily, full of post-partum hormones, feeling completely alone in the world.

People do not accept the role of first mother. Even first moms in the healthiest of open adoptions, who feel they made a great choice for their child, are sometimes unable to talk about their child without experiencing judgement. People will avert their eyes when you try to speak of your child. They will whisper about you behind your back, saying things like, "There goes the woman that gave her baby away." Part of the reason society hates and fears first mothers so much is that we show how tenuous the mother-child bond can be. It is not unbreakable. That's scary to society, which is built on families. If families can be easily rejected, the entire world order is in question.

If you choose adoption, get prepared for a lifetime of being misunderstood and even feared.

5. I wish I'd known that those who might say they are there to help you are in actuality serving the real client, the prospective adoptive parent. Please don't go to an adoption agency or a pregnancy counsellor thinking that they have only your interests in mind. They do not, and they cannot. Adoption agencies, like it or not, have to make money to operate. The paying client is the adoptive parent, and services are usually geared toward them. There is a real conflict of interest if an agency is counselling you on whether to pursue an adoption or not. It's the rare agency that can tell a woman,"You shouldn't be thinking about adoption" when they have waiting lists of hopeful parents that are seven years long.

During the time of your decision-making, you need unbiased advice from someone who is not a stakeholder in the outcome. Free pregnancy counselling is sometimes available through crisis pregnancy centers (but watch out--the center could be affiliated with an adoption agency or a religious group.) If you can afford to see a therapist on your own, do it. Look for one that is skilled in adoption issues. If you cannot afford to see a therapist, use one of the email addresses provided to put you in touch with a first mother who is living adoption, and who can tell you honestly what it is like. Don't rely on first mothers who speak on behalf of agencies for all your information. Sometimes these women are stuck in denial and will only tell you about the happy side of adoption. Get the full range of viewpoints, happy and sad.

6. I wish I'd known that agency adoptions are safer than private adoptions. Post-adoption is the time when you will need help most, but if you've chosen a private adoption, there will be no one there to help you. Good agencies offer post-adoption support groups, as well as mediation should your open adoption start to go wrong. These services are invaluable, and you will most likely need them. There are well-run agencies and there are bad agencies, but even if you wind up with a bad one, at least you have someone to complain to should the adoption not go well. Talk to first mothers online about what agencies they recommend and which ones they say to avoid. Brenda Romanchik at R-Squared Press is an excellent resource who can tell you the name of the best agency near you. (Brenda is the first mother of a teenager in a fully-open adoption and runs her own publishing company devoted to open adoption resources. She is always glad to talk to women who are considering adoption. Reach her through the contact info at the end of this article.)

7. I wish I'd known that numerous internet resources exist for first mothers and potential first mothers to find each other and talk. Next to reading dozens of books about adoption, the single best thing you can be doing right now is talking to actual first mothers. (The next most important thing is talking to adult adoptees. Unfortunately, many potential first parents wind up talking only to prospective adopters.) The internet is the easiest, fastest way to find triad members. At the end of this document are listed addresses for web sites, mailing lists, and newsgroups. Use them!

8. I'm glad I did know that in most states, open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable. Many women choose adoption based on the promise of openness, only to have their trust violated when the adoptive parents become fearful. It is vitally important to know that in all but seven states, there is nothing that holds adoptive parents to anything that they say prior to the adoption. If you are lucky enough to live in California, Indiana, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Mexico, Oregon, or Washington, you have some recourse, but otherwise, you're out of luck. (A bill is pending in New York.)

There are dozens of variations of betrayal in open adoption, depending upon the level of openness that was initially agreed upon. Sometimes the adoptive parents stop sending the promised pictures, sometimes they go so far as to change their names and move to another state. Most frequent is a cessation of the promised visits.

It is important to note that you as a first parent can also betray the adoptive parents' trust if you say you will be in contact with the child and later decide to drop out of sight. Open adoption is done for the sake of the child, and if you don't think you'll be able to live up to it, don't promise that you will.

When you surrender your right to parent your child, you become a legal stranger to him. You have as much claim to your baby as any person walking down the street--that is, none.

9. I wish I'd known that there was no need to rush my decision -- it could have waited until after the birth. Our fixation with "drive-through" relinquishments shows that we as a society do not respect the awareness of a newborn baby. We pretend that if the switch-off is executed quickly enough, the baby will never know what happened. Pre- and perinatal psychologists tell us, however, that that is just not true. There is no hurry. Your decision needs to be re-thought in the light of your baby's actual presence.

Much of my adoption decision was based on denial-not knowing whether I could love the child of a man I did not love, not knowing if I had the instinct for motherhood. You will find out, in the moment of meeting your child, whether you have the right stuff or not. If your adoption decision is based only on doubts and fears, rather than on cold hard facts like addiction, homelessness, age, or a total inability to provide, then you will most likely have a change of heart. (This is why having potential adopters in the delivery room can be such a bad idea.) Give yourself the freedom to have that change of heart.

NEVER sign papers in the hospital. Take your baby home from the hospital. Give parenting a one or two week try, so that you know for sure what it feels like and whether it is something you could manage or not. If you decide to go ahead with adoption, you will feel better knowing exactly what it is that you gave up. You will feel you gave it your best shot before admitting defeat.

10. I wish I'd known that the pain of adoption never goes away. You can learn to live a happy and productive life after a relinquishment, but there will always be a hole in your heart and soul, one that can't be filled up. Subsequent children won't take away the pain (in fact they usually worsen it, as you come to see all that you gave up). Very few members of your family will fully understand your losses, even though they're suffering losses too.

You will feel very alone, and true communication with others might become difficult. In an open adoption, each new milestone in your child's life can bring fresh pain on top of the joy, while in a closed adoption, reunions often bring new wounds instead of healing the old ones, as is commonly thought.

11. I wish I'd known that the effects of adoption are so far-reaching. Here are some subsequent losses you might not have considered:

Your parents will lose a grandchild.

You could lose your relationship with your own grandchildren.

Your nieces and nephews have lots of questions about why a family member was given away.

Your subsequent children fear that they will be given away.

You could suffer secondary infertility and never be able to have another child.

Some studies suggest that secondary infertility among first mothers can be as high as 40%.

You might lose your faith in intimate relationships, and it becomes harder for you to trust and to love.

Many of the people you thought were your friends may judge you and scorn you for your decision.


12. I wish I'd known that in putting your baby first, you don't have to put yourself last. Experts view the mother and child as a "dyad," that is, a single organism built of two people. That's because newborn humans emerge from the womb much earlier in their physical development than do many animals, and they aren't able to survive on their own. They are also hard-wired to look for their mother, who they know by her smell and her voice. So for the early months at least, what is good for you IS good for your baby. As long as you are not abusive or neglectful, your baby WANTS to be with you. Don't let all the negativity about your "stupidity" or "carelessness" in getting pregnant affect your self-esteem and cause you to relinquish because you think you aren't good enough.

Nothing can prepare you for what it feels like to leave the hospital empty-handed, milk running, crying like you will never stop. You need to try very hard not to be in denial about what is in store for you should you choose adoption ... but that's the problem with denial, you can't tell someone they are in it. A lot of first mothers repeat like a mantra: "I wish I had known...if only I had known." Don't assume that you will feel any differently from the first parents who have gone before you. I hope this information has helped you to have an idea of what it feels like to be a first parent. Keep reading, keep educating yourself: this is the most important decision you'll ever make.
__________________
BMom to an Angel in Heaven

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Originally Posted by TxMom65

I hope there is a way you can have C sign TPR and have it on record for someday if the child decides to search or wants to know a medical history.

This is a definite yes. I plan to take a medical history and other "The More You Know"s from both of them. My mother's SO is an adoptee, and ran into the medical history wall when he was diagnosed with cancer a few years back. His was an oldschool closed adoption, and the agency would give him no information.


I had a whole update on myself typed just now, then my computer went and ate it all. To make it short, I have told my mom and grandmother. Mom is super supportive and helpful -- she's never called me on the phone so much! Grandmother is supportive, although not terribly happy, but she's putting me in touch with the adoption resource agency that she's worked with for over 10 years. I've also known these people since I was little. At first I was wary that it would be too "close to home", but upon further consideration, I'd rather have that advantage than work with strangers in a foreign land. Before anyone says so, NO I was NOT pressured into working with them because of "connections", I am choosing to work with them because of my firsthand knowledge of the wonderful job that they do.

As for my options, I have 100% decided to go with adoption. I have known from a very early age that parenting is not for me, and even in my new circumstances, it still isn't. It's one of the few things that I know for certain about myself.



Also, re: Liliana31 -- thanks for the post, but HOLY WALL OF TEXT BATMAN! If this was LJ, I'd say "ljcut plz", but perhaps just a link to the original post/site on the next share.