[taramayrn]

[quote=MoonlightLoveAngel]Also so sick of all the literature and TV shows about giving birth and babies that all focus on people all happy about having their baby and ready to parent. Makes me feel even more inadequate as a human being that this kind of thing makes me unhappy. I know I'm a freak of nature, why do I have to have it rubbed in my face. I know, it probably can't be helped, that's how most of it is directed. Most people that don't want kids are usually smarter than I've been and take precautions.
QUOTE]

I'm sorry, I know it doesn't seem fair does it!? But you are not a freak of nature, just a loving mother putting her child's best interests ahead of her own.

[JustPeachy]

I'm pretty pissed though that they won't do tubal ligation on me afterward. Makes no sense...vasectomies and tubals are so that these kinds of things don't happen, but they don't want to give them to you young because "They're permanent and you won't be able to have any/ any more." THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME WANTING IT DONE.

Ugh! That's very annoying, not to mention condescending. You know what you want and you know your own mind, and are well aware that it's permanent, which, as you say, is the whole point. I know a number of women who didn't want to have children (ever) and were given such a run-around about getting a tubal. I would go to another doctor (and another, and another, if necessary).

[SchmennaLeigh]

Remember that YOU are the patient. THEY may be the doctors but that does not make them Gods. They need to be respecting your rights and your wishes. Shop until you find someone who will be willing to do the tubal. My Mother had on in 89, at what was considered a young age at the time. In that day, her Husband (my Dad) had to sign the papers as well.

That said, my Husband, who is a year younger than me had a vasectomy earlier this year as another pregnancy was likely to kill me. So, yes, doctors WILL do procedures for young(er) patients. Demand the respect you deserve.

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

I just get worried that I dont' have much time to shop around. Especially with me on Medicaid and currently living 30-50 miles away from all the OBs that accept it, AND depending on my Dad for rides these days. I don't even know how to do that. I've never been to any one doctor (for anything) consistently in my whole life...we moved around so much, or a good doctor would get so popular I could never get in to see them anymore, that I've only ever seen the doctor that was Just There. That, and I've been playing phone tag with just about everyone in the tri-county area since July, including Medicaid, doctor, landlords (still trying to find a place), and jobs that it's wearing me out. I already tried calling to switch my doctor, and was told to call after lunch and talk to his nurse so that they can switch the records over...and if I see the lady nurse practitioner, the OB I just saw will still do the delivery. Ugh.

Frustrated like crap over here, sorry.

[DallasGirl]

i would have to disagree that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. financial problems can be temporary, aborting a baby is permanent. adoption is permanent but i don't see it the same way you do. i know you moderate but i read earlier we shouldn't ever generalize because everything is so different for everyone. it is like people chose an easy way out.
i don't feel that way. the baby is not being born eith to ten years down the road when things might be better. the baby is coming when it does and adoption can be good for some who don't want to be parents yet.

[Mommy24]

Originally Posted by DallasGirl

i would have to disagree that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. financial problems can be temporary, aborting a baby is permanent. adoption is permanent but i don't see it the same way you do. i know you moderate but i read earlier we shouldn't ever generalize because everything is so different for everyone. it is like people chose an easy way out.
i don't feel that way. the baby is not being born eith to ten years down the road when things might be better. the baby is coming when it does and adoption can be good for some who don't want to be parents yet.

Adoption CAN BE a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

In MY situation this statement is SOOOO true! Temporary financial problems caused me to place my child for adoption. A year and a half after placement I was in a totally different place financially, no one bothered to tell me in crisis mode, that "this to shall pass". I wish ONE time someone would have made this statement to me, because if so, maybe I would be celebrating my son's 18th bday with him this month instead of 2000 miles apart!

So while this may not be true for all, it can be true for some.

[JustPeachy]

The thing is, it can go the other way, too, where the financial issues go on for years (or even forever!). There is no way to foresee where you will be in the years down the road, so I do think in many cases, it makes sense to base your decision in the here-and-now. Parenting is also a permanent decision, and for those who are not ready or who simply do not desire it (not everyone wants to raise children and that is perfectly ok) finances won't matter much either way.

[Mommy24]

Originally Posted by JustPeachy

The thing is, it can go the other way, too, where the financial issues go on for years (or even forever!). There is no way to foresee where you will be in the years down the road, so I do think in many cases, it makes sense to base your decision in the here-and-now. Parenting is also a permanent decision, and for those who are not ready or who simply do not desire it (not everyone wants to raise children and that is perfectly ok) finances won't matter much either way.

You are absolutely correct! But we do a disservice to expectant mom's not to mention this, ALL options, ANY and ALL information should be shared. You never know what might help one expectant mom make that final decision that only she has to live with forever.

So, I stand behind what I say, if ONE person had said that to me, I might not be where I am today. I was led to believe that my financial situation was not good enough to bring a child into. We are failing our expectant mom's who are CONSIDERING adoption by not making sure that they are making fully informed decisions and fully informed means giving them scenarios that can take place today, tomorrow and next week. IMO

[KyliesMommy]

I sent you a pm

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Just to update this thread:

- DS was born 12/2/08 via c-section, 9lbs 12oz, 20in long. Big strong and healthy! And CUTE!
-chose a 2-mom family from Austin. WONDERFUL PEOPLE! Complete with a 16-yr old sister (who's a sweetheart, no teenager "attitude") and a loving extended family. We have a fully open adoption, spent a lot of time with them before the birth and are keeping in frequent communication.
- Agency was WONDERFUL, no problems with them whatsoever. My agency worker that primarily did all the work with us was a great gal! PM me if you want to know who I went through.
- collaborated on a name with them, they picked first and we picked middle. the only thing that will change on the birth certifs will be his last name.
- doc is still kind of an aloof jerk but did a good job anyway
- hubby is daddy! (agency did test through mail at me and C's request.)

[Janeytwo]

Dear MoonlightLoveAngel,

Just wanted to send a hug your way and to say that I'm glad that things worked out (if you know what I mean).

Praying that you can have peace in your life,

[JustPeachy]

Congratulations on your healthy (and cute!) baby boy! I'm glad everything is working out for you and wish you all well.

[cetalley]

I too send my congrats, and also wish you much peace, as much as possible anyway. Hope this open adotion stays healthy and continues to thrive. As for a 2 -mom family, I think this is fabulous, a child can never have too many mommies, for that matter too many people to love them.