[mg1970]

If you are concerned about working with an agency or the tricky matter of paternity I suggest you find yourself a lawyer that will represent your interests.

I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, but in some states adoption lawyers can present expectant moms with families wanting to adopt, in others they can't. Either way it's a good idea to get your own so you have someone representing your interests.

Here's a link to find yourself an adoption attorney:
American Academy of Adoption Attorneys -

Any AAAA attorney should be able to meet your needs.

Options for finding a family can be: 1) Agency 2) Lawyer 3) Online Advertising 4) Private referral through friends and family.

Best of luck to you.

M

[fairydust159]

Hey there, I place a child for adoption in Texas and so I hope I can help answer some of your questions.. or at least tell you my experience.

I was also married, and there was another possible father. My husband knew about the other guy, but based on how paperwork was handled with me I think it would be very possible to keep that a secret from your husband. Both men need to sign over their rights, but it's not like they're given a rundown on everything goind on with your case. They are each given a seperate piece of paper (with the agency I used they were also sent a medical history thing to fill out if they wanted) that they sign and send back to the agency. Simple as that. In Texas they can sign over their rights long before the baby is born so you don't have to worry about them seeing the baby and changing their mind either.

Also, Medicaid and WIC are not at ALL affected by your decision to place the child for adoption. I was very upfront with everyone I had to talk to for WIC and Medicaid and while it was a bit awkward it didn't affect my eligibility. You don't even have to tell them if you don't want too.

Lastly, as long as you have both men sign over their rights NO ONE is going to do a paternity test. No matter how many possible fathers there are, a paternity test is not a routine thing for an agency to do.

If you have anymore questions (or if I missed any) or just want someone to talk to feel free to post or email me. Good luck and keep us posted on how your doing!

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Re: fairydust

What you've put down is exactly what my adoption worker told me over the phone. C can sign over his rights while I'm still pregnant (she said the bmom has to at least be past her first trimester, and I am), but that R and I have to both wait 48 hours after the birth to sign over. R will be the legal father listed on the OBC. I am going to ask her to send two copies of medical history forms and everything else like it that they have bfathers fill out.

At first I was concerned about the privacy issue, since my grandmother works there. But the first thing that D (the boss-lady and my..."caseworker?") said to me is that my papers will be kept in their private files in the office, the only drawers that my grandmother does not have keys/access to, and that anything I tell her will stay between us. "Your grandmother needs to stay your grandmother after all," she reassured me.

[fairydust159]

Wonderful! It sounds like you're working with a good agency that recognizes the need to keep things private. How is everything else going for you?

[sheababy]

We just adopted a baby girl with 2 potential birthfathers, one she new and one a one night stand. I think this is your right to confidentiality on the birthfathers and you should be able to get them to each sign TPR without the other knowing. The adoptive parents will know, we have copies of each of the potential birthfathers TPR's.

I would make sure the agency understands your needs for confidentiality (this one sound as if it may not). There are plenty of agencies out there who should be able to meet YOUR needs. I'll PM you the one we used.

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Originally Posted by sheababy

I would make sure the agency understands your needs for confidentiality (this one sound as if it may not). There are plenty of agencies out there who should be able to meet YOUR needs. I'll PM you the one we used.

I dont' know where you got this. This resource center is very attentive to my need for confidentiality and everything else. Maybe I didn't post clearly enough? The fact that a family member works for them? That's why I am going with them - because of the connection, I have known the women that run this facility since I was in elementary school and even had a job there in high school (clerical work) to know what an excellent job they do. My experience so far is as positive as what they have shown their clients in the past.

In fact, I talked to them just yesterday. She has three agencies that have waiting aParents that would suit my needs (in terms of religion, siblings, etc. things like that), but needs to hear back from a few of them before she sends me anything for me to work with.

[ang62of5]

Moonlight,
I was married when I found myself pregnant,we couldn't afford the cost either,applied for Medicaid,even told them up front that the adoption agency told me to do so.They approved me immediately(I also live in Texas).

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

I applied for Medicaid over 3 weeks ago, but they're still taking their own sweet time. They told me they had til 9/15 (tomorrow!) to file the paperwork, and I guess that's how long they're going to wait. Still no approval letter, I'm not even in their computer as pending or anything like that, even though I sent off the form to pick the sub-plan (Amerigroup or Superior). Right now I'm roughly anywhere from 23 - 26 weeks along probably, and still have no idea of baby's health, size, gender, etc.

Good news, however, my resource people researched for me and referred me to an adoption agency that I really liked and have already started working with them. They sent me papers on Friday, family/personal history and all that preliminary stuff so they can start showing me parent profiles. Only downside: they need my medical records too! Foo-king Medicaid...

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Medicaid kicked in, and I finally had my first OB visit and ultrasound today! (Incidentally, my 4th wedding anniversary. ) Doc says I'm 28 weeks along, and ultrasound machine puts me at 31 weeks, give or take due to baby's size, which is about 4 lbs. and I-forget-how-long. Might be a boy, they saw what might be scrotum, but baby's feet were tucked up tight and couldn't find a hoo-hoo for sure. No problems.

I'm pretty pissed though that they won't do tubal ligation on me afterward. Makes no sense...vasectomies and tubals are so that these kinds of things don't happen, but they don't want to give them to you young because "They're permanent and you won't be able to have any/ any more." THATS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME WANTING IT DONE.

[taramayrn]

I'm sorry they still won't budge on the tubal issue. Doesn't seem right.

So cool about your ultrasound!!

[SchmennaLeigh]

You can fight them on the tubal.

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

How do I go about fighting for it? Also, I'm thinking of switching OBs before my next appointment. I made the appointment with whoever was availible, but he's not much of a people person, didn't explain a word of what was going on, and at the end of sharply prodding me down there (first time I've EVER spotted from a pelvic exam) was the classic "do you have any questions?", but he only stuck around to answer ONE and was halfway out the door while answering...had to ask his nurse practitioner all the questions while drinking the icky Sprite stuff for the glucose test.

[MoonlightLoveAngel]

Also so sick of all the literature and TV shows about giving birth and babies that all focus on people all happy about having their baby and ready to parent. Makes me feel even more inadequate as a human being that this kind of thing makes me unhappy. I know I'm a freak of nature, why do I have to have it rubbed in my face. I know, it probably can't be helped, that's how most of it is directed. Most people that don't want kids are usually smarter than I've been and take precautions.

Maybe once I start working with the agency (waiting for hubby to sign one more form and mail it back to me, so I can send all the paperwork) they'll have some better stuff for what I need. I'm actually ITCHING to start counseling...

[KarynB]

Originally Posted by MoonlightLoveAngel

Also so sick of all the literature and TV shows about giving birth and babies that all focus on people all happy about having their baby and ready to parent. Makes me feel even more inadequate as a human being that this kind of thing makes me unhappy. I know I'm a freak of nature, why do I have to have it rubbed in my face. I know, it probably can't be helped, that's how most of it is directed. Most people that don't want kids are usually smarter than I've been and take precautions.

Maybe once I start working with the agency (waiting for hubby to sign one more form and mail it back to me, so I can send all the paperwork) they'll have some better stuff for what I need. I'm actually ITCHING to start counseling...

Hey Moonlight, I've been following this thread and just wanted to say I hate those shows too! I gave birth to my DD when I was 19, it was a long exhausting labour and when they took her away to clean her up instead of giving her to me I was SO happy. This sounds horrible, I mean, I loved her but I was just really tired, and not yet feeling that maternal thing! I still feel guilty about that initial feeling - 15 years later!

Also - you are NOT a freak of nature just because you don't want to parent (if that is what you decide)! Who says everyone has to want the same things? That is just the influence of our society saying all women NEED to be mothers to be "whole and complete". It's just not true. Better to realize this, than to parent a child when you really don't want to (if you really don't want to).

Hang in there!

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by MoonlightLoveAngel

How do I go about fighting for it? Also, I'm thinking of switching OBs before my next appointment. I made the appointment with whoever was availible, but he's not much of a people person, didn't explain a word of what was going on, and at the end of sharply prodding me down there (first time I've EVER spotted from a pelvic exam) was the classic "do you have any questions?", but he only stuck around to answer ONE and was halfway out the door while answering...had to ask his nurse practitioner all the questions while drinking the icky Sprite stuff for the glucose test.

I think you just keep "shopping" so to speak until you find someone who will do it. And you will find someone.

After reading the description of your OB appointment, I would recommend strongly that you find another one - quickly.