[Scorpionflower]

I've had people showing concern about "how I'm doing" and hear from almost everyone about "how hard of a decision" to adopt must be. I'm certain when the time comes for me to hand over the baby to his or her family that I will have some momentary doubts. However, coming to the decision to adopt was instantaneous for me. Maybe this is because I've been a strong supporter of adoption for many years. I was a teen mother. I had 2 children by the time I was 17 years old and had participated in a program where myself and a few other teen parents went to various schools and spoke about teen parenthood. Through the years I've been part of the support system for 3 different girls who became teen birth mothers.

I suppose it's a matter of putting the interests of the child before oneself. What is truely best for this baby? I know in my current situation, adoption is what is best for my current children and for this baby on the way.

I do wonder, though, am I simply having a detatchment from my own situation which causes me to not have any doubts about what I'm doing? It has my mind's wheels turning now.

[Rondidondi]

coming to the decision to adopt was instantaneous for me

I do wonder, though, am I simply having a detatchment from my own situation which causes me to not have any doubts about what I'm doing?

These two remarks remind me alot of my situation.
-Within an hour of finding out I was pregnant I decided on adoption. I never looked back. I loved being pregnant, but never viewed the baby as mine. Yes, I detached from my son. I have a hard time with that now, I feel like I denied he was mine. It's almost as if I made myself a surrogate for the PAPs.
When he was born, I came to back to reality and realized HE WAS MINE! In the end I chose parenting and couldn't be happier.

I recommend you EDUCATE yourself big time on adoption. Ask questions to the birth/first mothers here on the forum as well as aparents and adoptees.

I read your other post also but did not comment. I would take the recommendations of the others and look into OA, it can be so wonderful for all involved.
Right now, it may seem like an "easy" decision, but I think as the time gets closer, your eyes may open up to what is REALLY happening.
Don't find adoption to be the solution for your unplanned pregnancy. You need to make sure that you are choosing what IS best for yourself and your unborn child. AND the children your are already parenting. (I do believe you should inform them of their brother/sister, but that's just my opinion. Someday they may find out anyways.)
Coming to the forums was an awesome step. Stay and learn.
Best wishes!

[Oceans]

I suppose it's a matter of putting the interests of the child before oneself. What is truely best for this baby? I know in my current situation, adoption is what is best for my current children and for this baby on the way.

I do wonder, though, am I simply having a detachment from my own situation which causes me to not have any doubts about what I'm doing?

Maybe - Maybe not - It's so different for everyone.

You are obviously very familiar with parenting so you know what it takes etc. This is probably helping you along in your choice and making you feel comfortable. Soooo, it may not be detachment that your feeling. It may just be confidence that you are making the right decision.

[taramayrn]

How you feel is how you feel and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is often said that you make the decision to place twice - once when you are pregnant and then once again when the baby's born. That little baby can sometimes change everything.

[Free_to_be_me]

I was one of the rare people who didn't need to make the decision twice. I was very confident that adoption was the right choice when I was pregnant. After the baby was born, I still knew it was the right decision and now, almost thirteen years later, I still feel that I made the right decision for me and my birthdaughter. (And pretty much everyone else who was/is involved and affected by the decision.)

That being said, even though I knew it was the right decision, it still hurt like crazy. I worked really hard to process my emotions and work through my grief.

If you feel like you are making the right decision, by all means, go for it. Make it work for you. At the same time, I encourage you to explore your feelings (with a counselor, if you are at all open to it) and do a lot of soul searching.

Good luck.

[thanksgivingmom]

I was pretty set on adoption as my own decision, not at all influenced by family, etc. (And I know that for a fact because I didn't tell family, etc.) It was my choice.

As for being easy....it was an easy choice to make the first time, harder to execute. But that was me.

As for bonding with your child, I wouldn't try to not bond as a way to make it easier. I don't think that it does. I tried to not bond for a while, but it happened, and I'm glad now that it did.

Best wishes.

[pelzekk]

I know what you are going through... But, In my mind I put the child's interest in the main focus... and not so much my own interests.... I love children, but, I wasn't able to provide for my child the way I would have wanted to. Maybe this is the mental distancing that you are feeling... not so much if it is right or wrong... you will greive the loss of your child there is no doubt about it... but, being strong is only a small part of it.. it is knowing yourself and knowing what is best for baby. Hope this helps... if you need to talk or want to email me I would be more than happy to chat with you either way...

Take care on your path!

[Free_to_be_me]

[quote=thanksgivingmom]
As for being easy....it was an easy choice to make the first time, harder to execute. But that was me.
QUOTE]

That says it perfectly. That describes how I felt, too.

[mrsefird]

I hope that you are right! Sometimes you know what you know! Good Luck on your search! What steps have you taken if any?

Kimberly

[Scorpionflower]

I actually managed to finally track down the father. It ends up that his parents want to adopt the baby. I met with an adoption attorney on Tuesday and we're now going to have to discuss adoption vs. guadianship.

[mrsefird]

Originally Posted by Scorpionflower

I actually managed to finally track down the father. It ends up that his parents want to adopt the baby. I met with an adoption attorney on Tuesday and we're now going to have to discuss adoption vs. guadianship.

Then it is all working out!!! I am happy for you! How do you feel about them adopting your child?

[Scorpionflower]

I feel very secure with this arrangement. I did manage to get to know his mom via phone calls when the father and I were dating. Her and I really got along well. She has children the same ages as mine.. with the exception of the baby's dad of course. They live in CA where my family is from and she wishes for the baby to grow up knowing all of it's family. We agree that the baby should grow up calling his parents mom and dad and once the baby is at an age it asks about it's heritage then he/she will be told. The child should be old enough to understand if it's old enough to ask we figure. We're actually discussing weather to adopt or do guardianship papers at this point.

[siobhan_ontario]

I did the same. I detached myself from the baby. When he was born i didn't see him or hold him.

I waited until 3 weeks later and I went and saw the baby, held him and made the best decision I could. I gave him to a family who loves him more then anything.

It is a HARD choice.

Please email me if you have any quesions or need to talk.

siobhan_ontario@hotmail.com