[NewMomInMA]

Just recently found out I am expecting. I also found out I am HIV positive.
My boyfriend has flaked on me, blaming me for making him sick. we were together for 8 years. I am assuming I contracted HIV about 8.5 years ago from a guy I was dating for 6 months.
I haven't been sick much at all the last 8 years, a cold here and there...

Anyway since an abortion is out of the question I am considering adoption. my worry is that no one will want the baby. I was told there are ways to decrease the chance of the baby getting it from me. Hopefully they do.

Im emotionally a mess. I can not afford a baby right now, and feel quilty. I feel horrible that he or she may possibly have HIV.

How do I start the process? =/

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

First off, let me say how sorry I am that what should be a time of joy in your life has turned out to be a kick in the gut. How scared and alone you must feel.

Since I am not a part of the adoption forum and just a foster parent, I will not even try to tell you the best supportive place to go.

I will say a prayer for you and your baby. I know things have come a long way since HIV was brought to everyone's attention. I hope that you are able to get the care that you need. Please do not let this diagnosis prevent you from getting immediate, proper natal care for your child. You need to see an OBGYN immediately and ask to be referred to someone in your area who specializes in high-risk or HIV complicated pregnancies.

Do not feel guilty. This was not something you asked for and believe me.....it is something that could happen to ANYONE. There are very few on this forum who could say it would never happen to us. We have all had ex boyfriends and apparently MANY of us did not use protection each time or there would not be so many biomoms on here. Am I right girls?!?!?!

I will also pray that your baby is born healthy and HIV-...........but if the Lord should decide that he/she be HIV+ as well, then I am praying that a family that is a perfect match for him/her step forward, that you like them, and that a cure will be found in your and his lifetime.

I think to start the process you must first take care of you and your baby. Tell your doctor all your concerns and that you are considering adoption. An OBGYN's office should have contacts for this.

Good luck.

Kim

P.S. Your boyfriend cannot possibly say without a doubt that HE did not give YOU hiv unless you were his first and no other risk factors were a part of his lifestyle. You have no way of knowing how long this virus has been in your body. And although in hindsight regular testing would have been a smart thing to do.....apparently in 8 years of togetherness NEITHER of you did so....so he is as much to blame. And although I have been tested three times (once in my early twenties and twice during each of my pregnancies).....I know MANY friends who should be and who never have been. You are human and make mistakes. Forgive yourself.

[sstuart]

Wow you have just been given some life changing information. But you need to know that with medication at delivery, the chance of your baby contacting HIV is only 5% or less. You need to find a doctor that specializes in this. They will have a plan for care during the preganacy and the delivery.

Also HIV is not quite the "terrible" disease that it once was. With the right care you will have the same life expectancy as your peers. It is now in the US more like many other chronic diseases. There is not a cure, but with care, it is quite managable.
Please give careful consideration to your adoption plan, if that is what you choose. Don't rush into that plan, you can be there for the baby and do not make your decision purely because of financial reasons.
Good luck to you.

[Oceans]

I agree 100% with the others. Making an adoption plan right now shouldn't be your highest priority. If that's the way you chose to go in the future, someone WILL want to adopt your baby. Today, focus on YOU and your child. Read more about HIV and pregnacy so you can do everything you can to protect both of you and of course, get a good Dr.

Also, stay here and ask questions. Lots of real life experience with adoption. Don't put yourself in the "I can't do this" box yet. Learn a bit more.

And:

Your boyfriend cannot possibly say without a doubt that HE did not give YOU hiv unless you were his first and no other risk factors were a part of his lifestyle. You have no way of knowing how long this virus has been in your body. And although in hindsight regular testing would have been a smart thing to do.....apparently in 8 years of togetherness NEITHER of you did so....so he is as much to blame. And although I have been tested three times (once in my early twenties and twice during each of my pregnancies).....I know MANY friends who should be and who never have been. You are human and make mistakes. Forgive yourself.

I couldn't agree more.

[carlam]

I couldn't possibly say anymore than what has already been said, but wanted to offer you many hugs and encouragement! You have alot of time to figure out things about adoption but take one hurdle at a time. Right now, you have to take care of yourself and your baby. When the time isn't so overwhelming, then consider your options and do what you feel in your heart is best! (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[taramayrn]

Welcome - the other posters have given you good advice about your pregnancy and your recent diagonsis of HIV. I'm not going to repeat what they have said.

I will tell you though, that adoption.com is not a matching site. So, it is against our rules here for someone to contact you asking to adopt your baby. If someone does do this please contact either myself or one of the other moderators.

[ocracoke]

This is a very stressful time for you. You have 3 huge changes that have caused stress -- illness, pregnancy, and a change in relationship. Slow down. Take some time. And one thing at a time. Think about it all. Do not rush into a decision.

Just as a note, there are families who will adopt HIV+ chidlren if that is what happens and if that is what you decide to do. There are children who are HIV- who are born to HIV+ women (my daughter is one - international adoption). And there are HIV+ people who live long productive lives (a friend of mine has been HIV+ for about 20 years now and has been healthy through most of it).

Samantha

[lahdh4]

are you in Mass? If you are send me a pm and I will let you know about adoption in Mass.
I agree with the others on here.
I am a first mom.

[mayaprincess]

I will be praying for you and your baby. I pray that you will remain healthy and I wish athe same for your baby. I have read of many wonderful people that will adopt or foster babies with HIV. But for now, do not worry about that. Many babies have also been born HIV Negative to HIV positive mommies. Just concentrate on staying well!

[ckbqb77]

Can HIV be transmitted from a mother to her baby?

An HIV positive woman can transmit the virus to her baby during pregnancy, labour and delivery, and through breastfeeding. If she takes no preventive drugs and breastfeeds then the chance of her baby becoming infected is around 20-45%.

Can this risk be reduced?

Modern drugs are highly effective at preventing HIV transmission during pregnancy, labour and delivery. When combined with other interventions, including formula feeding, a complete course of treatment can cut the risk of transmission to below 2%. Even where resources are limited, a single dose of medicine given to mother and baby can cut the risk in half. AVERT is currently running a campaign to ensure that all women have access to these drugs.

---i got the above information from:

HIV, pregnancy, mothers and babies

I hope this helps ease a little anxiety. First and foremost, get yourself to an OB and start medications. As others have said, you have time to make a parenting or adoption plan. You have a lot of changes right now, treat yourself kindly!

[ljsdo2007]

Hey there,

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for the emotional rollercoaster you must have been on recently.

I am a physician and a hopeful adoptive mommy-to-be. You have an excellent chance of having an HIV- baby IF you get the proper prenatal care now AND, most crucially, absolutely, life-and-death importantly, at delivery. Antiretrovirals given during labor and delivery drastically reduce the chance of transmission of HIV from you to baby.

While I appreciate the kind remarks of other posters, I must tell you that I do not believe that God would ever CHOOSE for your baby to be HIV+!! YOU have the power to reduce that risk, and you are blessed to live in a country that can offer you the very best medical care possible. I believe that God wants only good things for us, which is why he gave us the intelligence to do research and find ways to help deliver each other from pain and disease.

Just as importantly, YOU have the power to make HIV simply another chronic illness, but you have to go to the doctor. You have to show up for labwork FAITHFULLY and be 100% responsible and proactive in this process. If you do that, along with your doctor, you can live a healthy and productive life. People are living longer and longer with HIV, and you can too.

Blessings to you on your journey. You are very brave, and you can do this!

[mrsefird]

How do I start the process? =/[/quote]

Bless you! I know you have got to be stressed. Please know that there is a family out there for your baby. Good Luck!