[princess35126]

All I can say is follow your heart, and you're most definitely not wrong with what you are feeling. My husband and I are hoping to adopt and I am uncomfortable and leary with how you are being treated. My suggestion would be to use your agency and don't let the family bully you into something you are not okay with. Like some of the others have already said this is your baby and your decision, if they don't like it tough. I know if I was them I wouldn't have an issue with having another homestudy, call you with all kinds of unsolicited advice, and monitor you so closely. Like our agency told us when the right situation comes along, all of us will know it. Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide. Take care.
Dustie

[Mommy24]

Please remember that we are not a matching site here at Adoption.com. If anyone contacts you asking to adopt your baby, please contact a moderator. We want you to be able to find the support you need here without being solicited.

Best of luck to you!

[bromanchik]

Leyfields, How are you doing? Can we be of anymore support?

[leyfields]

I'm a lot better and more comfortable since I first posted this blog. I came here looking for support and/or insight as to whether this whole situation was more right or more wrong... It has helped tremendously to hear what everyone else has to say about the matter. My adoption agent and I have written the family a letter (because I can't tell them everything I was feeling face to face without blowing up or crying) and we are waiting on a reply. In the meantime, we are looking into other families as time is short (due December 30) and I'm getting nervous... but I think everything will work out. I really want this family to parent the baby because of their background, but if they aren't willing to do things my way, I don't think I could handle it in the long run. I really appreciate your concern. Thanks so much and I wish I could say that personally to everyone who posted a reply to me.

[Momtonick]

Good for you! I'm so glad your agency stepped in. I hope you find more comfort in the situation.
Let us know what their reply is to the letter.
GL and best wishes to you!!!

[Mrs_Butter_B]

Wow. Sounds horrible.

FYI, I know in our old state- you could hire just about anyone to "do a homestudy". We knew of a couple at our old church that were in the process of adopting, and had been contacting by an adoption lawyer regarding a Caucasian baby (they were open to mixed race, etc, but for some reason, the M-I-L was not, and had passed the word to this attorney).

Anyway, the adoption attorney offered a contact for some "independent SW" that would do the homestudy. She was completely bogus- she didn't even plan to come to their house, lived in another county several hours away, and asked them to just fill out a questionnaire she would email them, and to mail her some pictures of their house.

I think honestly, money buys just about anything. Sad but true.

I would definitely be leery of this couple- if they were rejected before twice, there may be a reason. If they won't go through a reputable agency, it may be because they're trying to hide something. Health issues? Debt? Prison record?

You just never know. Child molesters and serial killers don't have the word "Danger" tattooed on their foreheads.

Go with your gut- and stick with the reputable agency.

(And honestly, it would piss me off to have someone else name the child I'm carrying, I'm sorry, but that's just too much!)

[JPDakota]

Let me first say that I'm not a birth mother. I'm an adoptee and an adoptive parent. Having said that, my goodness, this is a blatant and in my opinion unethical attempt at coercion. YOUR baby isn't even born yet and they're telling everyone and naming her and talking about her like she's their child? I think they're trying to make sure you don't change your mind. That's flat out wrong. If you feel these people are right for your child IF you decide to relinquish, then great. But don't let them pressure you. Your agency should be able to help you.
I wish you good health, and your baby too.

[NJGirl]

I see the red flags too! You are the one who is pregnant and making the deisions concerning the baby, not them. They not wanting to go through the homestudy is odd, they should know what to expect and ot worry so much. And naming your baby? What's that all about? I was lucky that my daughter's name was agreed upon and it was a stipulation for the adoption to go forward.
Follow your intuition!!

[bromanchik]

Just wondering how it all went. Did you place? Did you parent? How are you doing???

[sdncfn]

This whole post makes me CRINGE to see the way that they are acting. I can't believe how they're acting!! First of all, the child is YOURS until you sign the relinquishment papers.

Second, the NEED a homestudy, lawyer or agency. I'd be scared that their lawyer wasn't legit if they didn't want a homestudy. Plus, what do they have to hide??

Third, it's great for them to be excited, but it's COMMON SENSE that the adoptive family shouldn't be in the birth mother's face about things. They need to give you some space!

I don't know exactly how you can get out of it besides being honest and telling them that you just don't feel comfortable with them being as forward as they are being. There was OBVIOUSLY a reason why two adoptions fell thruogh.

Maybe you should just say that you feel most comfortable going through your agency, and if they don't feel comfortable going through it as well, maybe you aren't fit??

I chose my daughter's adoptive parents and they did nothing of that sort. They gave me my space, we e-mailed back and forth for quite a while because i wasn't 100% comfortable talking on the phone or meeting for a little while... That's how an adoptive family should be. Respectful of the birth parents' feelings.