[StacyKelly2]

I read your posting, and I cannot imagine what you are going through. Bottom line, and I am sure you do not want to hear this the birth father has every right to know of the baby. No adoption can take place unless the birth father signs off his rights, or his rights are terminated. If you just move forward without the birth father chances are the adoption can be over turned, which is not good at all. Do you think this guy would just sign off? I am an adoptive mom and I just went through this - it has taken us 2 years because the birth father contested the adoption-emotionally and financially this was extremely draining..Thank God above that in our case we won the adoption. I do resect you for choosing life for your angel..and I just hope everything will be ok. Please keep us posted...

[tobeafamily]

Look, you basically have three, maybe four options here:

1. Terminate the pregnancy, assuming you're still within legal timeframes to do so.

2. Give birth, surrender the child anonymously via a safe haven spot - typically these are hospital ERs, police stations, fire stations.

3. Give birth, place with adoptive family - this will likely require consent of your husband as in most states he will be considered a legal parent whether he is the biological father. Putative fathers would have to challenge in most states, a registry may be checked.

4. Give birth and raise this child as you have your others.

Lying should not be an option, it never does help anything anyway. Others may judge based on their lives which of the four options are the 'best'. You're the only one though in your shoes. Be careful of anyone though who will say 'you don't have to name the father' or 'your husband doesn't need to sign' if he does. Unethical people abound, including those wishing to traffic your child to some very not-good people. I wish I could say that doesn't happen but you'd be surprised how often it does.

Best,

Regina

[Mrs_Butter_B]

The first thing that came to mind was the Safe Haven laws- where you can take your infant within 48 hrs of birth and drop he/she off with a hospital, firestation, etc and be free of prosecution and they won't try to find the parents. The baby will be placed for adoption with a waiting approved family.

I read something about that option for moms that were raped/in domestic violence situations and wanted to have a clean break and still provide for the child.

I'm not sure if it applies here though, although if the boyfriend/ex guy is violent/dangerous, it might.

Sorry you're in such a tight spot. Sounds terrible.

[Sleepydream]

I just wanted to say that there is a person here ThanksgivingMom who used safe haven. You might look up her posts here on the forums. HERE and HERE

It IS an option, however, there are certainly some very large drawbacks (i.e. not getting to choose the family, a closed completely anonymous adoption so no photos or contact). The birth could be complicated...would a hospital treat you if you refused to give your name? Would they broadcast it on the news looking for relatives?

To me it seems like there must be a better way, but I don't think the person who brought this up is awful as has been hinted at, any more than I would think ill of a mother who chose it as a solution. The sad fact is there are situations that this may be the only way.

That said I am in no way suggesting that this is what you should do under these circumstances. I simply wanted to point out the story of someone whom I personally find to be very courageous telling her story here on the forums and some of the very large concerns I would have about using Safe Haven as an adoption plan.

[thanksgivingmom]

Thanks for the nod sleepydream - I realize this post is several months old, but to the OP, if you're still out there please feel free to contact me. I can not tell you what to do but I can tell you the reality of Safe Haven as I experienced it.

Please PM me or email me: Thanksgivingmom@hotmail.com
if you have any questions, or just want to talk.

[mrsefird]

Hey there! I am sorry that you are in this postion, and even more sorry that the baby is stuck in the middle of this I believe that it's the law in most states that if you are married and even if he is not the father he has rights in the adoption decision because legally you are one. I would call an adoption facilitator to ask more specific questions. IF you call them it will be free unlike calling a lawyer!!!!

Kimberly

[kakuehl]

Amandair86, these forums are not to be used for solicitation. Please note that single moms do adopt... Thanksgivingmom's infant daughter was adopted by a single mom through Safe Haven.

[crick]

I've deleted a post from a member essentially asking for a baby. That member is now banned.

PLEASE know that we do take this type of action very seriously and do not tolerate it. (I know there are lurkers...)

[cbrink7]

I am so sorry for what you are going through I can not imagine how you are feeling, but you have come to the right place for support. There are wonderful women on here that have a lot of great advice (I have learned so much!)

I was told (and I may have misunderstood about this, so please correct me if I am wrong anybody), but if you are married your husband is the assumed father (even if he isn't) and will be put on the birth certificate (at least in my state). I am not sure where this leaves you (as far as the fathers rights), but I know that this is what a SW told me.

Maybe you could call an agency in your area (that you feel comfortable with) and they could tell you the laws in your state over the phone-then you would at least know what the laws are you in state and that may help

Good Luck to you, and take care!

[BrandyHagz]

This thread is almost a year old...at any rate the OP would have already given birth and made her decision months ago and she has not come back since the posting of this thread.

I think it's safe to assume that she got the info she needed and moved on at this point.

[taramayrn]

Thanks Brandy - funny you posted that because honest to goodness I was just about to post the same thing.

[cbrink7]

sorry...geezzz

[kakuehl]

Cbrink, sometimes someone revives an old thread and it takes off again, you just have to check dates and realize that the original poster may not have been around for a LONG time!