[fly]

Hello Everyone,

I here loking for help! for someone to listen to me and maybe understand my pain.

I 20y/o from Australia, I am 22wks pregnant which i onlt find out two weeks ago.. i know pretty stupid for nursing student. I knew i was pregnant within the forst 12 weeks but after i had done a home pregnancy test it came out neg, so i went on with life.
After awhile i was graining weight, my boobs hurt and i was getting really bad heartburn... So i went to the doctor and she done a blood test, 3 days later i went back to see her and she said the words that ir eally didnt want to hear "you are pregnant' i broke done in tears and hated myself for letting this happen.
i went home and told my partner, his words was the same as my thoughts we cant keep it. we made up our minds after hours of talking that we would do a termination.
I went back to the doctor with my partner and she made the appointment to have it done.
The day came and i was lying down having a scan and the lady left the room to get a doctor i knew something was worng then. The doctor sit us down and told us that i was 22 Weeks pregnant and i will not be able to have a termination.
she then sent us to another lady who told us what else we can do, 1 raise the child ourself or place for adoption.
we knew we couldnt do any of them but we had to.
One week later we said we would place the child up for adoption.
but after telling my family and my close friend maybe this worng you know giving away my child?
Both our mothers was so mad at us for getting pregnant and said if we do place this child up for adoption we would no longer have a family.
we again talked and he made it clear me or the baby!
What do i do lose my child, family or my partner?
I know australia only has 3-10 babys place for adoption each year and very little support if i do place it.
I need help and i dont knwo what to do. Please if there is anyone that can somehow help me with just dealing with this.
thanks fro listening Jo

[SchmennaLeigh]

If your family is so adamant about you not placing, have another talk with them and ask how they plan to help support you.

[taramayrn]

Good idea Jenna.

I will be praying for you and your situation Fly.

[scared21]

Hi Jo,

I don't know if I can be of any real help... but just wanted to let you know that I do understand what you're going through. I found myself in a similar situation... took a test which came back negative, and to cut a long story short... much later realised I was in fact pregnant after all. I only found out that I was 24 weeks gone when I went along to have a termination and was obviously told it was too late. I'm due in a few weeks now and have decided (thankfully with the support of the father) to place my baby for adoption. I haven't told my family about the pregnancy cos I thought it would be easier that way... so although I can't say I know what you're going through in that regard, I can understand how scared and confused you must be feeling!

Is it possible for you to get some counselling to talk through your options with somebody neutral? It's not fair for your partner and family to be putting so much pressure on you... this is a very confusing time, you need to be able to make the best decision for you and your baby. Putting aside what everybody else is saying for a moment... what do you think you want to do?

I'm not sure how adoption works in Australia... is it done through agencies, or social services? I know it's tough here in the UK... I think only around 200 children under 1 are adopted each year, and very few of them are placed voluntarily... so there's not much support here either. Could you talk to your doctor about arranging counselling or some kind of support? Or if there are adoption agencies, they may be able to offer you counselling to talk about your options?

I hope you're able to work something out, with the support of your partner and family. Whatever decision you make, you'll need their support... hopefully they'll come round and realise that they need to be there for you. In the mean time, everybody here is extremely helpful and full of great advice! Good luck! xxx

[taramayrn]

I sent you a pm.

But I forgot to mention that it is against the Terms of Service on this site for anyone to contact you in hopes of adopting your baby and could result in that member being banned. If someone from this site contacts you in hopes of adopting your baby please contact either myself or one of the other moderators.

[SadMother]

You really need to talk to someone who is neutral in this and wont pressure you either way. If you decide to keep your baby then your family should respect your decision or if you decide adoption is the best option then make sure you have support. Either way you need to do what's best for you NOT what others want.