[jessica mac]

Hi there!
My name is Jessica and I am new to this forum. I thought before I join various discussions that I would share my personal story. I am a birthmother who placed my son at the age of 18. At this point in my life I was a college freshmen embracing my youth and a new relationship. Needless to say, I never expected to be faced with an unplanned pregnancy. The result has forever impacted my life and the woman I have become. Through my experience I have been blessed with an amazing little boy who I adore as well as his parents who have become an extended part of my family and dear friends of mine. All of this has been made possible through the benefits of open adoption through which the Cradle has been a fundamental part of.
When faced with this unexpected crisis at 18 I was left with three obvious options…an abortion, parenting, or adoption. Since abortion was not an option I could live with I assumed the only remaining choice would be to parent this child as an 18 year old single mother. At the time adoption was not an option I was going to consider due to my lack of education on it. My previous perspective was that deciding on an adoption would be "giving up" (A phrase I now strongly dislike!) my child to complete strangers and never seeing him again…which was unbearable to even consider. My perspective changed when I placed my first call into the (adoption agency in Illinois) and met with my amazing counselor. From that point on, she worked with me to make a plan for my child that I felt was going to be best for him-whether it be parenting or placing him for an adoption. My life became focused on this plan and making the decision that would best benefit my son and give him all that I wanted for him. After months of an emotional rollercoaster, I grew close to the difficult decision that conflicted with my selfish/maternal desires to parent. This decision became more certain after the match meeting the [agency] set up with Ryans' adoptive parents. This took place after I selected their profile from a series of others. After meeting and getting to know them over the last few months of my pregnancy, I knew they were the family meant to raise my child that would give all I wanted for him. By the grace of God I was given the strength to follow through with this decision and Ryan was placed with Kevin and Tracy 5 years ago.
Over the last 5 years I have been blessed with an open and loving relationship with my son and his family based on mutual trust and respected boundaries. I am most proud of my ultimate sacrifice and the amazing gift it has been for my son and his family. I have witnessed how it has given Ryan all that I wanted for him and more. I am so grateful for my relationship with my son as I have embraced my role as his birthmother. I am also very grateful for all the relationships that have resulted from Ryan’s open adoption between his adoptive and birth families. After years of healing I have also been able to recognize and appreciate the benefits on my life as I look back at my accomplishments over the last 5 years.
Speaking and educating on open adoption has become an intricate part of my healing as well as one my greatest passions in life. I have had amazing opportunities to volunteer with the [agency] and help educate on the gift of open adoption and help other women make the best decision in a difficult situation. The support, education, and resources that the [agency] has given me helped me turn a very difficult situation into an amazing blessing for which I am forever grateful.
I share this story to contribute to this forum by providing a new birthmother’s perspective. In doing so, I look forward to any question you may have or to hear your story, thought, or opinion on adoption. I realize that each adoption and the relationships within is unique as is my story. I look forward to hearing from several different perspectives within the adoption relationship and to learn from one another.

[katlyn]

Hi Jessica,
I just wanted to welcome you to the site and say as a fellow birthmother, how moving your story is. Thank you for sharing a somewhat more positive side of the adoption process. I myself had a closed adoption, so I did not have the joy of watching my daughter grow to womanhood. What a wonderful thing it is to share and enlighten others about adoption, especially open adoption. I wish I knew 20 years ago what I have learned from A.com this last year. Welcome again, and thank you for sharing, I know you'll find many awesome friends here, from all sides of the triad .

[jessica mac]

Hi Kaitlyn-

Thanks so much for your kind words. That is definitely one of my goals on this forum...to shed light on the positive side of adoption. I think with proper planning it can result in a wonderful gift for all parties involved...most importantly the child. I hope you have reached a place of peace in your decision through the years. So your daughter is 20? Have you listed in a registry to possibly reunite?

[taramayrn]

Welcome Jessica. My name is Tara and I am also a birthmom in a fully open adoption. My son will be 7 Feb 13.

[katlyn]

Hi Kaitlyn-

Thanks so much for your kind words. That is definitely one of my goals on this forum...to shed light on the positive side of adoption. I think with proper planning it can result in a wonderful gift for all parties involved...most importantly the child. I hope you have reached a place of peace in your decision through the years. So your daughter is 20? Have you listed in a registry to possibly reunite?

Well, I have listed in a registry, and they did help me find some information. Funny, I came here to A.com, and this is where I got the information that led me to finding my bdaughter. I have since sent her a card for her 20th birthday along with my first of three letters. I just recently sent her a card for the holidays and a third short little letter with more pictures of myself, my husband(not her bfather) and her three half siblings. Now I get to enjoy the waiting game . I did come to a "place of peace" many years ago, through several years of therapy and lots of love and support from my family. I don't know how I would have made it without my family

[kakuehl]

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you were able to find a solution that is working for you. Did you finish college, BTW?

I am a birthmom who gave birth and placed my son in the closed adoption era (1972) when I was a senior in college. D is now 34. I found him in 2005 after registering here on adoption.com. We have been in reunion since October 2005. The picture I'm using as an avatar tonight (I change it occasionally) is D with his youngest child.

[bromanchik]

Welcome. My name is Brenda and I placed my son in a fully open adoption 22 years ago.

[jessica mac]

Hi everyone! I love to see the activity in this chat room...this seems like a great place to connect. I did finish college 2 years ago (gosh...it feels like yesterday!) which was quite a challenge and accomplishment for me. I went back in January for my sophomore year only 3 months after having Ryan. I was emotionally a wreck and struggled through this semester. It was a hard transition after everything I had been through, having my life back as a young college student. I indulged myself in the social life that I had been missing for the past year. School was left on the backburner as I lacked any motivation for my personal goals since my life had been so focused on my son for the past year. My life just didn't seem to matter so much anymore. Thankfully with the support of my faith, family, and friends I got through this painful time and regained the motivation to complete my degree. Each semester got easier as I learned that time does heal all wounds...although I realize this pain will never go away. We just learn to live with it. Now I am able to reflect on my life in the present and my accomplishments and realize how my decision has benefited me as well as my son...which was hard to accept for many years as I grieve over the loss within the sacrifice. For all this I am so grateful!

[thanksgivingmom]

Hi Jessica! My name is Christine, I am 24 and placed my DD in November. Glad to have you here