[monroe8562]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

Monroe, This post isnt directed to you or anyone specific, but I really felt the need to respond to something you said, maybe for the benefit of someone else reading this thread in a Crisis Pregnancy.

Adoptive Parents are human and I think it is unfair to hold them to such a high standard, they divorce, they fall into financial troubles, they have troubled marriages at times, they lose their jobs, I guess what I am saying is that life happens, if someone is placing just because they feel today they cant afford it, or because they want their baby to have a dad, Every baby has a Father, yes he may not be in his/her life everyday, but again that can happen in even the best of homes , Do you intend to be poor forever? I know for me when I was pregnant at 19, no job, I couldnt see past that moment, I wish someone would have told me that I would be in a position just 2 short years later to financially, emotionally and phsyically be a great parent to my child.

Anyway...Good luck to you Monroe it sounds like you know what you need to do for your child, I wish you the best!

oh my gosh i didnt want to give off the wrong idea if i did! i love how human j&c are...lol thats why i like them! if i met with a-parents who tried to give off the 'everythings hunky dory' vibe i personally wouldnt pick them, because its human nature for things to go wrong and people to have flaws.

i mean, look at me. LOL

if stuff doesnt work out according to plan, ill be sad and upset, but then again, thats life..and no matter what ill know that baby will be happy, even if it means im not so much.

[acklife]

Stuff happens to all families. My sons best friend was adopted out of his family because they could not afford another child, he was the fifth. He became the only child to my friend and her husband. Last year her husband died, he was a contractor, she stayed at home. Now her son lost his dad and lives alone with a working mom. She is so sad all the time, and so busy.
Things happen to all families and one thing i've learned the hard way is that you cant predict the future. If i had known how sad this pregnancy would have made me i would have had an abortion the day I found out ! i know that is awful, but no one knows what the future holds. You are brave to be so set in your decision.

[jessica mac]

Hi Maddie-
I am so sorry you are feeling so many difficult emotions right now. Your story is very similar to mine as I was in a very similar situation 6 years ago. (I actually just posted my story if you'd like to read it.) I remember all the feelings you are experiencing...fear, doubt, guilt etc. I also remember how many people had words of advice for me that at times, confused me more than they helped me. Please please do not let others' opinions or stories sway you from any decision you make. Each adoption experience is different and some women have had very negative experiences and some have had very positive ones. As a woman who has been blessed through my experience I want you to know that it can result in an amazing relationship that most importantly, benefits the child. That has been the case in my open adoption. Through it I have been blessed with a loving relationship with my son and his adoptive parents who have become like family to me. I have been able to see first hand how my decision was indeed the best for him. I'm not sure how open you are planning on having your adoption. If you talk about your desired levels of openness beforehand and keep respected boundaries, I'm sure you will form a similar relationship. It sounds like you have found a wonderful family that you can trust which is so important. Does their adoption agency provide any counseling? Mine did and it really helped me before and after my son's adoption. I encourage you to seek inside your heart which will tell you the right decision, and don't be discouraged by others. If you decide that adoption is best for you, there are several support groups out there to help you get through the grieving process. (If you'd like i can help you get connected locally) Also NEVER feel guilty for considering adoption b/c it is the most difficult and SELFLESS decision a woman can make for thier child. Several young teens do decide to parent and are able to give thier children a great home. But on the otherhand, many times a child suffers. Each decision is unique to its mother and I hope you are able to reach the best for YOU and YOUR child. Just be prepared, it is extremely difficult as it conflicts with your maternal instinct to parent. But use your love for him as strength and that will guide you. I have been blessed in my decision as the joy of having him in my life and knowing that I made the best decision for him has outweighed the pain I have experienced. Although the pain never goes away, I have learned to live with it and time has definitely made it easier.
I wish you all the best in your decision.
Take care,
Jess

[DJbluenosenewfie]

Originally Posted by scared21

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through.. you're not alone. I'm 21 and also due in Feb and planning to place my baby, and have been feeling the same sort of guilt and confusion that you mention.

Especially, as you say, the fact that so many girls my age or younger manage to parent, am I doing the right thing? If I really wanted, I could... my parents would help me I'm sure, and yes, it could be done. But one thing I have come to realise is that it doesn't matter because I know in my heart that I'm not ready for this baby and that adoption is the right choice for me and my child. And although I still feel I'm making this decision for selfish reasons... they're not really, because if I parented while far from ready and ended up resenting my child for it, as I know I would, how is that best for baby? In the end I think (at least I hope!) you'll know in your heart the right decision for you and your baby. As long as you have fully considered all the options, and nobody is influencing your decision.. it has to come from you. A few people mentioned counselling... I think that would definitely be a good idea, just to talk through your feelings and your options with someone who is unbiased.

Are your parents supportive of your adoption plans? I know this time is so scary and lonely... sometimes the more I try to educate myself about pregnancy and childbirth, the worse I feel! But just know that you're not on your own... I've found this board to be a wonderful place to vent and get sound advice. I'm sorry for what you've been through with your ex as well, that's the last thing you need at a time like this! None of this is going to be easy, whether you decide to place your baby or not... but hopefully you've got a good support network around you to help you through it. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me

xxxxxxxxxxx

I too can relate to you both. I think. I just found out I was pregnant and I am considering adoption. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I am an adoptee myself and I know how hard it was on me and how hard I was on my mom when I got reunited. i dont know if I am able to deal with knowing the pain and wondering I put on a child by giving them up. Which is why it is confusing me so much as to whether I give my baby up. This pregnancy was unplanned. I view myself as a lesbian and a night of partying had me with the father. (who knows nothing by the way) Please help!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by DJbluenosenewfie

I too can relate to you both. I think. I just found out I was pregnant and I am considering adoption. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I am an adoptee myself and I know how hard it was on me and how hard I was on my mom when I got reunited. i dont know if I am able to deal with knowing the pain and wondering I put on a child by giving them up. Which is why it is confusing me so much as to whether I give my baby up. This pregnancy was unplanned. I view myself as a lesbian and a night of partying had me with the father. (who knows nothing by the way) Please help!

You need to research all options available to you at this time. The good news about adoption, as opposed to what you experienced, is that you can remain in your child's life... while not an everyday mom, open adoption allows birth parents to be positive role models in their child's life. However, you also need to make sure you are aware of all resources (for parenting) and laws (for parenting/child support and adoption) in your state. Start researching now.

That said; your child's father also has rights and should you decide to place, he needs to be informed. (Well, even if you decide to parent, he needs to be informed.)

[WSG83168]

Hi Maddie, my name is Wendy. I just joined today and was reading your story. I am now 38 years old, however I was in a similar situation when I was 20. Let me give you a bit of a background. I had already had a son when I was 19. I had kept my son. I became pregnant again by the same father (stupid me). This pregnancy was harder and I had lost any family support. I had been kicked out of my parents, the father was not helping in any way. I was very ill the entire pregnancy. I also had her 9 weeks premature. I knew I could not raise another child at this time, especially a very ill child. I didn't have the financial means or the maturity to do it alone. I had contacted a local agency to help in the adoption. I was given counseling through them. At that time I didn't get to meet the adoptive parents, I got to select them from a few different profiles (names omitted) of course. The feelings you are having are normal. You are going to be confused, scared, uncertain. This is a life changing event x2. You are having a baby and you will have the loss from the adoption. You are lucky to have your families support and the adoptive families support. I had times when I was uncertain about the adoption, but I knew in my heart there was a family that could give her everything she needed. I was unable to fulfill that obligation as a parent at that age. You will have these feelings more and more as your due date approaches. You have had this little person inside you for nine months, you do have a bond. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do. It's okay to cry, its okay to hurt. You have the strength, as you are already searching for help and you have it. Adoption is a wonderful thing. It should not be looked at as being taboo. There are families who can't have children who can give that baby a good life. Through the years I have often thought of my baby girl. The thing that kept me going was I new I would search for her when she was old enough. She is now 18 and I am able to search for with the help of the adoption agency I used. It will be a slow process. But eventually I'm sure I will be reunited with her, if not now in years to come and if she is willing to. I am not looking to be her mom as she has one through her adoptive mom, I am looking to be her friend. There will always be a void, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I don't regret the choice I made, it was for the best. Keep talking about everything that is very important. I wish you all the luck in the world and take care. I will be thinking of you.

Wendy

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by monroe8562

maybe we could have coffee april-ish!

I would love to. PM me when you get back in town and we'll meet up.

If you need help accessing medical care and mental health services, by the way, you can call the same number I gave you earlier for the County Department of Health: 303 441 1100. They're really terrific and can help you get bipolar meds, etc.

Good luck to you---I hope you have a safe, healthy pregnancy and an easy labor. Call when you need support!

[monroe8562]

hey ladies!
i just wanted to update everyone real quick on what my doc said today.

he's going to induce me in 3 weeks when im 38 weeks along! on january 31st!

he's inducing me for 3 reasons. one, i have a small pelvis, and he thinks ill have a better chance of getting him out naturally if he's a wee bit smaller then he would be at 40 weeks.

two, my psychiatrist thinks it would be best for my bipolar if i knew a date so i could plan around it and not freak out.

three, one of my best friends, who's kind of my boyfriend, not the babys dad, but has acted supportive since the beginning, is flying up from colorado, so now he knows exactly when to buy a ticket!
so im terrified. but excited. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

[MaddyFalls]

That is my Birthday, I am glad you found a great set of Adoptive parents, Take care.

[Boulderbabe]

Good luck to you! We'll all be thinking about you that day!

[DJbluenosenewfie]

Congrats maddie!

[SadMomma]

Maddie
I just read your story and want to say Congrads! You will be in my prayers. I am glad everything is working out for you and having a good support system is excellent. Coming out of a 3 failed adoptions, you don't know how much your story has inspired me. Although I am on the other side of the fence waiting to adopt, hearing a positive story from a BirthParent has just .....what can I say I am crying!!

Thank You
P.S. My b-day is the 26th, so close enough!

[monroe8562]

Originally Posted by SadMomma

Maddie
I just read your story and want to say Congrads! You will be in my prayers. I am glad everything is working out for you and having a good support system is excellent. Coming out of a 3 failed adoptions, you don't know how much your story has inspired me. Although I am on the other side of the fence waiting to adopt, hearing a positive story from a BirthParent has just .....what can I say I am crying!!

Thank You
P.S. My b-day is the 26th, so close enough!

i hope they were happy tears! im sorry you have had bad luck so far. i think that in time, everything will work out. and i know that its hard to see it sometimes, HAHA like now for me, but it will all work out. theres a reason for everything in my opinion even if we cant understand it fully at the moment.

ill keep my fingers crossed that your luck turns around!

i have 4 days left! lord im freaking out a bit! haha

[scared21]

Originally Posted by monroe8562

i have 4 days left! lord im freaking out a bit! haha

Yikes! And I thought I was getting nervous with almost four weeks left, lol!

How are you feeling about it all? Hope everything goes well for you! xxxxx

ETA: SadMomma -- I hope you had a happy birthday!

[monroe8562]

hey everyone!

i had my little boy February 1st at 3:04 A.M. he was 7LBS 1OZ and 19.5 inches and he was.. well...perfect.

the day he was born was a thursday, and we were in the hospital until saturday afternoon. the a-parents were there everyday, i wanted them to be. i think them bonding with him was important. but i had alot of the day and all night with him. i fed him and changed him and snuggled with him. the saturday i left was the worst day of my life.

i was ok, and then we got in the lobby, and my parents were there, and j&C (a-parents) were there, and my boyfriend (not the babys dad) were there..and i just hugged j&C and kissed the baby and like, had to get the hell out of there. i felt like my head was going to explode or something.

the car ride home i just kept my eyes closed and hugged my bf and then i slept the rest of the day.

it was terrible for 2 or 3 days. but im ok now. i still burst out in random tears for a couple minutes every other day, but im ok. i talk to J&C every day, and went to see the baby today!!! it was awesome, and wasnt awkward. i fed him and changed a poopy diaper and just spent time with him. i loved it.

only problem now is that im probably moving this week to another state and im worried itll make it harder initially, but that in the long run it will help me seperate myself a bit you know???

anyways. if you want to see pics, PLEASE go to my website
www.myspace.com/maddiethegreat

i love hearing what people think of him! lol
hope everyone is doing well!!!!!!!