[Soviet_Onion]

I'm a 23 year old male who is a college junior, and everything was going decently in my life until a few days ago.
My girlfriend told me she is pregnant. I have attempted to talk her out of going through with this pregnancy but she is absolutely determined to give birth to the child, raise it, and ruin my life by forcing me to support it.
Problem is, I really do not think I love this girl. She is beautiful but she and I really do not have much in common. Worst of all, she already has a son from a former relationship and I'd hate to have to involve myself with a woman who already has a kid from another man.
I am not willing to drop out of college, but if I get 500 dollar monthly child support bills then I will never be able to pay off my student loans.
My parents live in Kentucky(I'm from Colorado) and I was thinking about maybe asking them if they would help me move out there and tell them it's because I want to be closer to them, and because I want to enroll at the university of Louisville where I have some friends.
I think that if I tell my girlfriend nothing and leave quietly, she would never be able to track me down and therefore I would not have to face the unwanted responsibility of fatherhood.
This is just not fair, I feel my life is crashing down before me.
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do?
Thanks in advance.

[tobeafamily]

First, tell your parents. They should know they're going to be grandparents. They may also be able to help you think through your options. You may find you have more of them than you believe right now.

Then, consult an attorney so you understand both your rights and your obligations here. Remember running never solved anything for long. Mostly it just makes you tired and ultimately causes more problems than it solves.

I'm not sure where you're getting child support of $500 a month from. Understand that any support order takes into account your income. It's not punative, or intended to force you to drop out of college (something which benefits no one). It is designed to ensure that your child is taken care of to the best of your ability.

Hang in.

Regina

[SchmennaLeigh]

Running away from your problems solves nothing. You're 23. It's time to step up and make responsible decisions. If you're like me, it sometimes takes a brick wall like an unplanned pregnancy to really wake you up to the real world, as they say. You can run. But she'll find you. And if she doesn't find you now, the government will when they track you DOWN for the child support. It's called a social security number.

Making well thought out plans now will help you to avoid unnecessary stressors later in life. Call your parents. Let them know. And begin to form a plan that involves being ethical and honest with all parties involved. She may choose adoption or she may choose to parent. Either way, you need to be involved in all steps.

And by the way, you've all ready "involved yourself" with the woman who has a child from a previous relationship.

[pg13209]

Hi,
Before you take any drastic steps are you SURE you are the father? Stranger things have happened. If you are 100% sure that you are the father then I would let your parents know and move on from there. A DNA test might be in order here. IF you are the father it is YOUR responsibility to provide support. If you did not want to have a child....... there is a wonderful thing called birth control and not having sex.

[Birth4Mom3]

Originally Posted by Soviet_Onion

I'm a 23 year old male who is a college junior, and everything was going decently in my life until a few days ago.
My girlfriend told me she is pregnant. I have attempted to talk her out of going through with this pregnancy but she is absolutely determined to give birth to the child, raise it, and ruin my life by forcing me to support it.

I'm quite sure that she's not doing this deliberately to "ruin your life". Don't blame her for a situation you had a hand in creating.

Originally Posted by Soviet-Onion

Problem is, I really do not think I love this girl. She is beautiful but she and I really do not have much in common. Worst of all, she already has a son from a former relationship and I'd hate to have to involve myself with a woman who already has a kid from another man.

It's a little late to worry about the silly details of love, no love, or just getting your kicks. Your laid down with her - you ALREADY involved herself. You shouldn't have 'dated' her at all if you weren't interested in a woman with a child. Now you are HERE - too late to look back.

Originally Posted by Soviet_Onion

I am not willing to drop out of college, but if I get 500 dollar monthly child support bills then I will never be able to pay off my student loans.

And God knows that's what's most important at this point!!

Originally Posted by Soviet_Onion

My parents live in Kentucky(I'm from Colorado) and I was thinking about maybe asking them if they would help me move out there and tell them it's because I want to be closer to them, and because I want to enroll at the university of Louisville where I have some friends.
I think that if I tell my girlfriend nothing and leave quietly, she would never be able to track me down and therefore I would not have to face the unwanted responsibility of fatherhood.
This is just not fair, I feel my life is crashing down before me.

You can run but you can't hide, as a PP reminded you already. And if she does parent this child that you BOTH created - do you want him/her to be told you ran out rather than be a man and take responsibility?

Originally Posted by Soviet_Onion

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do?
Thanks in advance.

YES - Step up to the plate and take responsibility. She did not create this situation on her own. Be HONEST with your parents. This is NOT the end of the world - just possibly the beginning of a big adjustment or re-routing.

I wish I could apologize for the tongue lashing, but seriously - you wanted good advice on shucking your responsibilities here? You want to blame all this on the girl you slept with that you really aren't so much into anyway?

You are 23 now. It's time to grow up. Do the right thing.

[katlyn]

I must say that Birth4Mom3, I couldn't have said it better . You made this baby and you were already "involved" when you slept with her. You make it sound as if she went out and bought a new puppy that you didn't want so you can just leave, it ISN'T just a thing, it's a BABY and if you are the father, how do you explain yourself down the road when he/she comes looking for you. You have found this site and I'm sure by now you know it IS very likely that this child would be able to find you. Face up to your responsibilities now and tell your parents....who knows, they may be able to give you some advice that actually makes sense. When faced with a situation like this, especially when you are still in school and working on your future, I'm sure can make you think irrationally. Stop, think, think ahead, think of this defenseless baby, he/ she did not ask for this. I am trying to be as nice as I possible can, but as it has been said already, you are 23...not a child, as the saying goes, "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it". I hope for this unborn childs sake, you make the right decision.

[tyiakoum]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Running away from your problems solves nothing. You're 23. It's time to step up and make responsible decisions. If you're like me, it sometimes takes a brick wall like an unplanned pregnancy to really wake you up to the real world, as they say. You can run. But she'll find you. And if she doesn't find you now, the government will when they track you DOWN for the child support. It's called a social security number.

Making well thought out plans now will help you to avoid unnecessary stressors later in life. Call your parents. Let them know. And begin to form a plan that involves being ethical and honest with all parties involved. She may choose adoption or she may choose to parent. Either way, you need to be involved in all steps.

And by the way, you've all ready "involved yourself" with the woman who has a child from a previous relationship.

The response from Jenna was fabulously astute.

Seriously, it is your responsibility to take control of what you can, step up to the plate and work this out with your girlfriend. You are 1/2 responsible for the situation and cannot in all good conscience walk away because it is the easy path.

Before paying any child support a court-ordered DNA test will show whether the baby is yours or not. If it is, then the court will take into consideration the fact that you are in school and that you have no income. However, it is true that as your income grows over time, so will your responsibility to this child that you created. Whether it was out of love or apathy, there is now a child soon coming and it can't be ignored or swept under the rug.

At this point it might be a good time to tell your mom and dad, as they might be able to help, assuage your fears, and help you find resources to deal with this difficult time.

[dmca]

okay, I know you're only 23 and not ready to be a father. I get that.
HOWEVER, if you are the father, you are accountable.
Running away will only delay this and probably make things worse.
Go talk to your parents, first. Be HONEST, explaining that you are not ready to be a father at this point in your life.
The reality of all this is, that IF the baby is yours, you have to accept the part of an adult and deal with it. It won't be easy, it won't be convenient or comfortable, but , as an adult, there are going to be many things in your life that won't be easy/convenient or comfortable and you STILL will have to deal with them.
You have some "breathing room" right now until you can assertain whether the child is indeed yours. Panic is not letting you think, I know this. Try to calm down and think rationally about it all. easier said than done, I know , but, you can do it.
Talk it out with your parents and good luck on your path.
dmca

[Foundoutat50]

[quote=Soviet_Onion]My girlfriend told me she is pregnant. I have attempted to talk her out of going through with this pregnancy but she is absolutely determined to give birth to the child, raise it, and ruin my life by forcing me to support it.
Problem is, I really do not think I love this girl. She is beautiful but she and I really do not have much in common. Worst of all, she already has a son from a former relationship and I'd hate to have to involve myself with a woman who already has a kid from another man./quote]
You refer to her as your girlfriend but say you don't want to be involved with a woman who has a kid from another man. Umm ... why was there a 'girlfriend' relationship once you found out about the son?

[quote=Soviet_Onion]I am not willing to drop out of college, but if I get 500 dollar monthly child support bills then I will never be able to pay off my student loans./quote]
Oh, well, it looks like things aren't going to go quite as she planned, either. Just because you're not carrying the baby doesn't absolve you of responsibility.

[quote=Soviet_Onion] I think that if I tell my girlfriend nothing and leave quietly, she would never be able to track me down and therefore I would not have to face the unwanted responsibility of fatherhood. This is just not fair, I feel my life is crashing down before me./quote]
Running away ... children run away when they don't want to face up to the consequences of their actions. Children don't have sex and make babies. Adults do. You did. That makes you an adult ... take responsibility. You said it is just not fair - it didn't happen to you - you made it happen when you had unprotected sex.

[quote=Soviet_Onion]Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? /quote]
Have DNA testing to be sure you are the father. Have a reasonable, mature discussion with your 'girlfriend' about her plans to parent or relinquish the baby. If she is going to relinquish, provide a thorough family medical history to be passed along during the adoption process. If she is going to parent the baby, at least accept your financial responsibility even if you choose not to be involved in the child's life.

[BrandyHagz]

Guys, having a firm opinion and sharing advice and what you think is best – but even if you don’t agree with this person, you still can NOT personally attack him. Personal attack swill get you banned from the site – calling names, regardless of the topic, is attacking. I’m going to go thru and clean up this thread now – I hope none of the moderators have to stop back by here.

[msdesi]

Originally Posted by Soviet_Onion

I think that if I tell my girlfriend nothing and leave quietly, she would never be able to track me down and therefore I would not have to face the unwanted responsibility of fatherhood.

That isn't going to work. Child support payment will catch up to you every time if it goes through the court and you are ordered to pay it. I knew this guy...former co-worker of mine that was like this. This was his life: He would move to different towns and states and work as long as he could until child support again caught him and resumed garnishing his wages. If you choose this, you'll be forever moving. The only time they won't find you is if you work under the table or someone else is supporting you. Otherwise every single time you find a job and your social security # goes into the system...well after that's it's a "when" not an "if".

You're stuck to the responsibility now if she's having your baby. I'm not trying to sound hateful, only truthful.

[Birth4Mom3]

I've been thinking about this post alot since yesterday and I just wanted to add this to what's already been said.

If you look around you on this board, there are an awful lot of posters who either became an adoptee or became a birthmother due to a man walking away from an unintended pregnancy rather than taking responsibility.

Take some time to read their feelings as posted here and think about it deeply. If you walk away, these feelings and hurts expressed could be about YOU someday. Is that really what you want to do to another person? To your own flesh and blood?

Just think long and hard about the long term damage done if you choose to just walk away.