[Makaylah]

I’m 4 months along and I am placing this child for adoption. While I love children, I just don’t feel like I am mother material. I’ve talked with a couple of agencies but I don’t feel a connection.

I am hoping to be able to look at a bunch of profiles, talk to a number of families and then make my decision. Everyone wants to give me 3-4 profiles to pick from and that’s just not how I feel things should be. I feel I need to be more in control of this process.

I placed a child fourteen months ago; the agency I used was awful so I want to make sure I don’t repeat that mistake.

My first child’s parents are not interested in adopting this child, but they are interested in contact with the family who does, if that is agreeable. I am looking for an agency that will support this.

[hope2adoptn07]

I totally understand your view. How many agencies have you contacted. Don't let just 2 or 3 cloud your judgement.

If I can be someone to listen and offer advice please feel free to pm me or email me.

Administrators: I AM NOT SOLICITING THIS BMOM so don't ban me.

Hugs,

[SchmennaLeigh]

What precisely is "mother material?" Interesting.

Do your research thoroughly this time when searching for an agency. And make sure you are given your own legal representation!

[Dmommab]

Although I don't have any recommendations for agencies for you I just wanted to wish you good luck in finding the agency that will do things YOUR way. I commend you for making the difficult decision to place your child.

[Makaylah]

I do not want to be a mother. I have no desire to be a mother and I feel no mother-like feelings when pregnant or around the child I've already placed.

I have no desire to get married and have a family, which is why I have decided on adoption for this child as well as the previous child.

[michellesnook]

Best of luck with your decision, maybe you could review various online profiles, that way you can read as many or as few as you are comfortable with. Once you've found a family you like, you could just contact a lawyer. I don't think you *have* to have an agency do you?

[Praying4ABIRTHMOM]

I wanted to say Hello and for being such a strong woman with a level head on you, you will get alone way in life, and that is great that you know what you want. Life is full of choices and some, we really hate to make and some we love to make but I think you know what you want and I think that you are a Beautiful woman for understanding and loving yourself enough to know what you want to do in your life. Take care


Married in 02 to my loving DH
We are both waiting on the stork!

[tyiakoum]

Try parentprofiles.com -- you can look at profiles from every state, every form of faith, every type of family makeup there is (one w/no kids, one w/kids, etc.). Some potential adoptive parents have no agencies, and are doing it independently, some are working with an agency.

You have the control over your choices. You are not obligated by searching this site for possible adoptive parents, to place your child.

As Jenna said, use an attorney that will represent you and the best interests of your child.

Good luck to you!

[Praying4ABIRTHMOM]

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.
It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.
It takes strength to hide your own pains,
It takes courage to show them.
It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved. It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live
I think you have all the above....
Married to a Wonderful DH

[Makaylah]

Thank you everyone for your kinds words.

[Praying4ABIRTHMOM]

Hi you deserve them. you are such a strong woman and a level headed woman, I am amazed, Take care and if you ever just need a friend please email or Pm me.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Makaylah

I’m 4 months along and I am placing this child for adoption. While I love children, I just don’t feel like I am mother material. I’ve talked with a couple of agencies but I don’t feel a connection.

I am hoping to be able to look at a bunch of profiles, talk to a number of families and then make my decision. Everyone wants to give me 3-4 profiles to pick from and that’s just not how I feel things should be. I feel I need to be more in control of this process.

I placed a child fourteen months ago; the agency I used was awful so I want to make sure I don’t repeat that mistake.

My first child’s parents are not interested in adopting this child, but they are interested in contact with the family who does, if that is agreeable. I am looking for an agency that will support this.

I wanted to say first off, that you have time to make this decision. If you are really set on placing this child with an adoptive family, I would recommend you do what Bug's Firstmom did in her search for a family. She went to agency after agency until she found one that cared about her first, or at least on that made her genuinely feel that way. Once she found an agency, she asked to see many profiles, not just 3-4. I think she said she looked at close to 30 families... she kept looking until she found the family she wanted for her child. We are privileged to say it was us.

Any agency worth anything will be willing to do their part in making sure the family meets your criteria, which includes contact with the family of your first child. Whatever you do, make sure the agency takes care of you and gives you all you need to make the best decision for you and your child.

Blessings on your journey... I wish you all the best!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by blessedbybug

She went to agency after agency until she found one that cared about her first, or at least on that made her genuinely feel that way. Once she found an agency, she asked to see many profiles, not just 3-4. I think she said she looked at close to 30 families...

This is great advice for any expectant Family. It's important not to limit yourself just to one agency or, if you are happy with that particular agency, just two or three profiles that they "offer" at first. Dig as deep as you need.

Barring any problems, you've got about five months to make the most educated decision possible. Use your time wisely! Use your resources wisely.

[Boulderbabe]

Just as something to think about down the road......if you're sure you don't want to be a mother, have you thought about getting some long-term birth control, like Depo or an IUD? Being pregnant and placing cannot be easy, no matter how few maternal feelings you have. Maybe some good gyno care could save you a lot of anxiety and hassle?

Best of luck in your pregnancy. I hope it goes well and that you have a very easy time of it!

[Jo~Kiwi~]

Only you can make the decision as to what is best for you and your child... I know that for me, being a mom was never something I saw myself being. All I wanted to do was travel and see the world. Babies were kinda alien-like, and I defintely didn't want one.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I was 27wks - having never missed a period and never skipped a day on the pill ..Shes an awesome gift. Here I am, four gorgeous girls later, and very close to finalising the adoption of our little boy from India. (even if the girls at my oldest's school give us a hard time telling me I look like her sister...lol) ..I'm just so proud shes mine.

I want to give you all the hugs in the world, for being so courageous as to find the best possible family for your little one. Go with your heart .. take your time.. only you know whats good for you and your baby. Its your life ... enjoy living it, and find strength in the knowledge that you'll make all the right decisons, and find someone who will love your baby just as much as you do. Your little one should feel so treasured, with a Mom who is trying as hard as you are to find that perfect family. I wish you all the luck in the world!!

Jo