[happygmom]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Ditto; if a family wasn't interested in open adoption or our views on such varied too much, I wasn't interested in them.

Same here when my daughter was considering adoption for her son. Open adption was the very first question. Why disappoint a family when there is no way that you would select them?

We also felt that, if a family could not address fully open adoption directly, it was a BIG red flag they were uneducated about it (in the best case) or they really wanted to try to negotaite a closed adoption and were high risk for not following through on their promises for openess.

Makaylah - IMHO it is best to just be direct and honest about what you feel is best for you and your child.

Happy G'Ma

[Makaylah]

Having done an open adoption before and being part of an open adoption, I know what I want and I also know that its the number one question that I will ask when looking for a match. There is really no point in moving any further if the answer isn't a solid yes.

I have again started emailing and calling and I am still getting the cold shoulder. It pains me to know that people are so scared because of the scamers that are out there.

I know that I will find the right fit but it sure is frustrating to have to go through all of this.

I want a family who really wants an open adoption, not only with me but with my first child's parents. I want someone I can build a relationship and friendship with. I don't think I am asking to much, do you?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Nope. There are adoptive parents out there who do want open relationships with their child's firstfamily, even if that involves another adoptive family. There are those out there that want those things for their child. Don't let others scare you into believing that you're "asking too much" and that you should settle for anything less than what you want.

[FosterSurroBirthMom]

It seems that more want a open adoption then a closed, I am fairly new to this site and this is what I noticed. I hope to meet tons of people...I have 3 daughter and my hubby and I have recently decided to check into Foster Care and are scheduled for classes in October. Take Care!!

[patientlywaiting]

Makaylah
You are certainly NOT asking for too much. Do not sway from the values you are looking for. Keep looking/calling. I know you will find your perfect family.
Here's hoping that it will not take too much longer.

[tyiakoum]

Makaylah, you have the right to ask for a relationship that will bring you peace and comfort. That's the bottom line, and any aparent who is not willing to meet your needs is a couple that you should not consider.

Good luck to you!

[Vogi2002]

Have you thought about researching agencies that ONLY do open adoptions? Maybe that will help...also those agencies (IF they are ethical) will make the aparents do research so they are fully prepared for everything that comes with open adoption. I know you don't want to go with an agency, but sometimes that way is the safest bet that you WILL get a couple that wants open adoption, and at least (in GOOD agencies) the agency will always be there to help if something goes amiss...

To me, most couples in my experience who put thier profiles online are wanting semi-open rather than open, and there is no easy way to "sort" the couples... But, that's just my experience. DO NOT back down from what you want, you have the right to ask any and all questions that you feel are neccessary. Open adoption is different for everybody, so of COURSE you would want to get thier definition of it!! I'm so sorry you are having a hard time...I hope you find what you are looking for soon!!

Natalie
Good luck!

[Joanne0911]

There are some very good agencies out there. I agree that two or three profiles are not enough. You need to feel completely comfortable with your choice. Hopefully you can find an agency that you feel a good connection with. Adoption is a beautiful thing if it's the right choice for you. Keep the faith!

Joanne

[Daisha]

We have an open adoption with our son's birthmom and I will tell you that if at all possible, it is what we want with the rest of our adoptions!! It is so wonderful to build that friendship!

We go to dinner, shopping, etc. along with constant e-mails and pictures!!

I HIGHLY suggest an open adoption!! Good luck and don't settle for anything other than EXACTLY what YOU want!!

[HelloImKara]

SOunds like you have gotten a lot of great advice! I would definatley look at parentprofiles.com. You can choose the families you like and then there is a way to contact them. That way you are more comfortable and in controll with the pool of families you get to choose from!

[krajewskim]

Makaylah,

I agree with the other women. I would Definitely advise you to stick to your guns. I know open adoption is one of the first issues for us, too. We have an open adoption with our son's parents and would never want to adopt another child without an open adoption! I don't think it would be fair for one child to get letters, etc. from mom and the other one not. Besides the fact that there are numerous other reasons to go with open adoption. I don't understand either why some people won't respond to your e-mails. That's just crazy. Is it putting yourself out there to possibly get scammed/hurt as an aparent? Yes. But you can also develop a wonderful relationship with a family you will treasure for eternity! I, personally, think the risk is worth it! Also I am sooooo sorry about you getting jumped on like you did in the PM's! A child is a treasure, not a commodity! ADon't give up. When you find the right family - YOU WILL KNOW!!! Big HUGS and may GOD BLESS YOU and your child.

[littlebitty]

Have you found an agency yet? I'm also pregnant and have placed this child for adoption. I had miraculous success with an adoption agency I found online. If you'd like, I can give you their name. I was able to view all kinds of profiles, and was able to look through profiles according to religion, state, age, race, etc... By the grace of God I found the perfect match! Only 7 weeks until Little Bitty gets to go home!

Peace be with you in your search!
Jeska

[sugarbabysmommy]

It is possible to look through many profiles. I know that my child's bio mother was sent nearly 200 from our agency, her only requirement was that they reside in CA. It's an open adoption agency, however how open someone was willing to be was something she very much wanted to know, and we had no trouble answering that question right away. We never balked at questions such as this, or quesitons about religion, philosophical questions, yes even in the very first email, it just meant it took me longer to reply. I would not have told someone my income or net worth etc, however I would have assured them that the agency ok'ed me and I had to meet a minimum standard.

I'd also like to address your concerns about finding a family who will have an open adopton with your other child, we were approached about the same thing by another adoptive family. They were not in the position the adopt again but their child's bio mother had come to them asking, so they said they knew a family across town (us) and if she was interested she could have our number. If she had chosen to place the child and liked us, it felt right that the siblings be near eachother. My point is, maybe your other child's parents do know a family who are already open adoption parents who would be open to hearing from you. I also know that our agency would/does encourage sibling/afamily contact, so I'm sure there other agencies who will.

It is possible to find what and who you seek, it just bites that it seems so hard to do. I'm dismayed that you are getting curt replies and that you keep running up against a wall. I am disgusted though that you have been hassled by PM's.

I wish you all the best.

[PaperPregnant]

Makayla -

I just wanted to tell you that I have friends who have no desire to be moms. So, I understand it is entirely possible to feel that way.

Also, I agree with other adopting parents who have posted in response to you, many agencies are good at open adoptions. For example, ours requires open adoption training and really encourages the first moms to use the open adoption plan framework. Of course our agency specializes in open adoptions, so that could be why. They emphasize to us that the match is the most important step and that both parties will really like each other if it's a good match.

I don't think you are limited to agencies in your state or area, either. Most have 800 numbers so that you can contact them at no cost, so maybe talking to a few on the phone would help.

Also, I wanted to add that some of the people you have been trying to contact may have been told that from a legal standpoint they should not have any discussions with you directly at first. I'm an attorney (I AM NOT AN ADOPTION ATTORNEY AND I'M NOT TRYING TO SOLICIT YOU) so I've read the laws in our states and know that fraud and duress are arguments that can be used to overturn an otherwise legal adoption. Maybe you can contact an attorney of your own (that the adopting family can pay for) who can help you find a family.

I also thought the idea to check with the aparents of your first child to see if they know anyone who might be interested is a nice idea.

Best of luck to you and your baby!!