[bubbles_girl2003]

I am so scared right now. I'm not sure if I should put my baby up for adotion or not. If I keep the baby then I'll see the person who raped me every day but if I put the baby up for adoption I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if he or she is okay. What do I do?

[SchmennaLeigh]

First of all, if you parent your child, why would you have to see this person every day? You are NOT required to marry the person in order to parent your child. In fact, if he raped you, get a restraining order NOW to assure that he has, at best, limited access to the situation as a whole. Did you report the rape? If not, you may still be able to prove your case. Please call your local police department.

That said, if you decide that adoption is a good option for your family, again, you can know that your child is okay. Open adoption allows for firstfamilies and adoptive families to work together in the best interest of the child. It is not co-parenting by any means but, instead, firstparents are available to the child to answer questions, show love and let the child know, at all points, that they were wanted and loved.

As you've just written two myths about parenting and placement, I would strongly encourage you to take this initial time of frustration and confusion to research your options in full. Research parenting and all of the available resources for Mothers and children. They are often hard to find so ask if you need help. As for adoption, save your research for after you've thoroughly completed your parenting research. It will save a lot of confusion to separate the two processes.

Also: a reminder to all who read and post here; solicitation of expectant Mothers either via public post or private message is against the TOS and terms for banning.

[hope2adoptn07]

I think she means that she will see the face of her rapist when she looks into her baby's face. Not that she has to actually see him everyday of her life.

Thanks,
Hope2adoptn07

[SchmennaLeigh]

Ah, but genetics are funny. I look nothing like my Mother. My Son is the exact replica of me. My placed daughter? Also me.

Don't make a decision based on "seeing it in the child's face." Another myth that adoption agencies perpetuate. Yes. Some children of rape do look like the father. But you've got a 50/50 chance on who you'll resemble more.

[hope2adoptn07]

I totally agree with you. I look like my mother. My son is adopted and he looks like my husband LOL not any biology there. So don't base your decision on what your child may or may not look like.

[HappyTwinsMom]

Before trying to make any decision about your baby's future, please seek out some unbiased counseling. There are amazing professionals out there who can offer you support and realistic advice without an "agenda."

[tyiakoum]

poohbear2,

As one person here on this thread specifically requested, it would be of great help if you gave a link or links for any pregnant woman to utilize. Asking for this particular woman's state or information won't help the very many women out there who need resources quickly. Can't you share this info from a broad perspective, since you state you have information to share?

That would be such a great help, not only to this particular woman who posted, but for everyone else out there.

That said, bubbles girl, Jenna has made some good points. And the poster who asked you if you have access to counseling, made a great point as well. Do you have access to counseling? Is there a rape crisis center in your area that can provide you w/counseling (in my area, they have an 800 number hotline for you to talk and seek resources).

Here's one I just found. www.rainn.org
They have an 800 number. Here is it, sweetie. Good luck to you. You are in all of our prayers here.

National Sexual Assault Hotline • 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) • Free. Confidential. 24/7.

[Praying4ABIRTHMOM]

Listen to your heart and Trust in God and he will lead the right way, I promise!




Married to a Great DH
Hoping for a BABY soon!

[Springtime]

Hi bubbles.

I'm a big believer in meeting your baby before placing for adoption. I really think expectant parents should spend time with their children as a family before they make that decision. You don't have to do it while you are pregnant, there are plenty of hopeful adoptive parents who would adopt a 2 month old or whatever. If you do get matched while you are pregnant, remember that if you don't feel the way you expect to feel upon seeing your baby that you can CHANGE YOUR MIND. You may feel the way you suspect you will feel, or you may not. I wouldn't want any feelings of obligation to a specific adoptive family to get in the way of your decisionmaking after your baby is born.

Good luck.

[StacyKelly2]

Follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you and your little angel. I hope there is someone you can talk to, or try to find someone to reach out to. Nobody can tell you what to do, you need to find that answer from within. I see, you did say if you chose adoption you would always wonder if your baby was okay. There are different types of adoption...from pictures, to even visits its entirely up to you at what level of adoption you would prefer. But, you need to find an adoptive couple who would agree to your adoption plan. As adoption is not for everyone..you will have to know if this is something you can find peace in doing-so please take your time and consider all your options. May God Bless you and your decision.

[fromtheheart]

I am sorry that this is such a hard time for you - you did not ask to be put in this position and unfortunately now have to make a decision that I am sure you never dreamed you would need to make. You need to know that you are a good mother. You are putting your babies interests and welfare above your own. I can tell that you are not only concerned with seeing your attackers face in your childs but you are concerned with re-living a horrific event - a legacy that does not belong to you nor your child. Adoption is about love and about putting your baby's needs above your own. I think that every potential birth mom has feelings of sadness, grief, and wonders where they can find the courage to place their child in a loving home. Open adoption is wonderful because you have the oportunity to pick your baby's parents and have a possibility of letters, pictures, and maybe even visits. I was afraid of open adoption when we adopted our son. Our relationship with his birthmom was semi-open (she picked us and we sent letters/pictures). I was afraid of the possible effects on our son. I soon found that the effects were wonderful for everyone. Our son is three years old. We have visited with his birthmom on several occations. We exchange pictures/leters and send email to each other. We love her with all our hearts. She is truely a member of our family. I am not trying to talk you into adoption.... I just want you to know the truth about adoption - to know that it is an act of love where miracles truely can come true. There are agencies who will try to talk you into things and there are agencies that will give you some facts and will respect you and your right to choose what you feel is best in your heart. You can email me if you would like to talk some more. My prayers are with you. Best wishes, FromTheHeart -

[drzbabymama]

when it some thing like that you need to think hard do what you feel is the right thing to do but a rember that the baby has notthing to do with that sick man i was raped too so i know how hard it iz however do want you feel is right.

[CovenantDad]

I think she means it figuratively, like she will remember the event whenever she looks at her child.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by bubbles_girl2003

I am so scared right now. I'm not sure if I should put my baby up for adotion or not. If I keep the baby then I'll see the person who raped me every day but if I put the baby up for adoption I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if he or she is okay. What do I do?

I actually know someone who kept a baby that she had as a result of date rape.

She loves him but didn't bond as well as she did with her second child.

The boy, now 18, knows it. He loves his mom, but it isn't the kind of relationship his little brother has.

You could ask of a open, as in letters and pictures, so that you know how the child is, without having a relationship.

Remember you will not forget having this baby.

good luck

[honniecakes]

i was also raped, but i didn't become pregant... poor child..i suggest you put the rapist behind bars because you did not ask for that and no matter what, that baby is still apart of you even if its father has commited a crime to you.