[MiahS]

I’m trying to find birthmother housing to move into once I start to show. I’m in MI and am researching two agencies. However, both have nothing to provide for housing.

Is it reasonable for me to request housing; I feel like I’m asking for something beyond what I should expect (like I’m attempting to “milk” the situation)?

[GPT4]

I know that there are places out there that offer housing but not as many as those who don't. Once you chose a couple that you want to place your baby with you can ask them to provide you with housing. Each state is different as to how much the adoptive couple can give to you and for what. I don't think that it is unreasonable to ask for this. My friend placed her baby, she lived in New Mexico and the adoptive couple lives in New York. They found her an appartment in New York for her to live in for the last 3 months of her pregnancy.

Keep looking for agencies that have housing though for they will also have other things you may want, counseling or just to be around others who are going through what you are. Did you try to do a google search?

Anna

[ladybugbaby29520]

I am not sure about any agencies that offer housing. But I know I have known a couple of people that went for adoption and the adoptive family helped them out quite a bit.

[BrandyHagz]

Miah,

How would you be paying for housing if you weren't pregnant and how has pregnancy changed your ability to provide for yourself?

I firmly believe that expenses really should be a last resort...if you've got health issues that have you on bed rest and you can't provide for yourself I can see why assistance might be needed - otherwise, how were you providing for yourself before the pregnancy and why has that changed now that you're pregnant?

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

\I firmly believe that expenses really should be a last resort...if you've got health issues that have you on bed rest and you can't provide for yourself I can see why assistance might be needed - otherwise, how were you providing for yourself before the pregnancy and why has that changed now that you're pregnant?

I agree with Brandy 100%. Accepting assistance for housing also puts you in a position of "owing" someone, and I think it really does limit someone from making a fully informed choice. Whatever you do, do not go out of state and seperate yourself from the support you may get from family and friends. Too often women do that and have no way back home should they decide to parent.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Brandy and Brenda have said everything I would have said.

[kinnanepetersen]

With the agency that we're working with you just need to let the agency know that you think you'll need financial support for housing. Then the agency will send you a list of perspecitive adoptive parents who are willing to pay housing support. Once you pick the couple they will provide for your housing (by way of the agency).

I think you'll find that there are a lot of couples out there that are willing to support you during the pregnancy.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and adoptive parent search!!

~W

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by kinnanepetersen

With the agency that we're working with you just need to let the agency know that you think you'll need financial support for housing. Then the agency will send you a list of perspecitive adoptive parents who are willing to pay housing support. Once you pick the couple they will provide for your housing (by way of the agency).

This is one of the reasons I do not agree with accepting financial support from adopting parents. Do you really want to limit the choice of adoptive parents based on whether on not they can pay for housing? Is that really the best criteria to go by? I think finding supports outside of the adoption system is vital for expectant parents in order that they retain the highest degree of autonomy possible.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

This is one of the reasons I do not agree with accepting financial support from adopting parents. Do you really want to limit the choice of adoptive parents based on whether on not they can pay for housing? Is that really the best criteria to go by? I think finding supports outside of the adoption system is vital for expectant parents in order that they retain the highest degree of autonomy possible.

Amen.

Finding a family for your child is hard enough without adding further limitations like stated. Beyond that, specifically seeking out a couple who will pay for your housing creates a huge sense of obligation and thus removes the ability to make a decision separate from your feelings regarding the adoptive family.

[kinnanepetersen]

I didn't mean to suggest that it's an issue of limitation, rather an issue of choice. If you are either unable (or just don't want to) seek support from people in your community I think that it is a perfectly fine choice to ask a perspective adoptive couple to assist you. If you do decide that you want to place your child for adoption you'll find that there are litterally thousands of couples. As you look at the couples that are available you will - most likely - start making choices to narrow down who your looking for (do they live in the north east, will either of the parents be staying at home, etc). In your case, you might want to choose to look for families that are able to help you with housing cost - or not. Again, that's just another choice (not a limitation) you will make or not.

Personally, I agree that I wouldn't want it to be the defining choice - but who am I to suggest what is or isn't important in your situation. Everyone's situation is different. Certainly, if you get a group of perspective adoptive couples that can assist you with housing, and you don't feel that any of them would be the perfect couple for your family - then by all means I would suggest not choosing them. BUT, if you happen to get that same list, and find some amazing people who you consider to be perfect then there certainly isn't anything wrong picking them.


Best of luck.

[Jenny-n-John]

I certainly agree that providing housing could create a sense of obligation, and I've always felt uncomfortable with the idea for that reason.

Just one more small piece of info -- where we live by law, we are only able to offer legal and medical expenses to a potential birth mother. So, it's just one more thing to keep in mind -- in some states, housing support, etc., is not a legal option.

Good luck in your decision-making!

Jenny

[Joanne0911]

I'm using an agency in NJ, but they give the adoptive parents the option to offer to pay for housing and living expenses. That seems like a good policy. Maybe you could find an agency that offers a similar option. Good Luck!

[UofTXFan]

Originally Posted by GPT4

I know that there are places out there that offer housing but not as many as those who don't. Once you chose a couple that you want to place your baby with you can ask them to provide you with housing. Each state is different as to how much the adoptive couple can give to you and for what. I don't think that it is unreasonable to ask for this. My friend placed her baby, she lived in New Mexico and the adoptive couple lives in New York. They found her an appartment in New York for her to live in for the last 3 months of her pregnancy.

Keep looking for agencies that have housing though for they will also have other things you may want, counseling or just to be around others who are going through what you are. Did you try to do a google search?

Anna

There are maternity homes you can call crisis pregnancy centers and ask for names! They'll help you! If you just live there and parent, they may ask you to leave or pay them back.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by UofTXFan

They'll help you! If you just live there and parent, they may ask you to leave or pay them back.

And we don't see the double standard there?

[msdesi]

I think Dept. of Social Service can help you. They have many program and what's nice about that is in the event you change your mind and want to parent, you have no feeling of obligation to an adoptive couple.

I suggest this because I infer you may have some financial limitations if you are seeking housing assistance.