[Kindreds]

Dear Mothers.. I felt like you do for many years, that is until I found my daughter. The reunion, though joyous has been very painful at the same time. No one should think that they must help another's pain of infertility by sacrificing their child to them. Everyone's reunion certainly can be different, but many mothers finally awaken from a fog of denial when they speak to and see the face of their child. Even now as I think of my poor sweet daughter who had to be raised by a mother other than her own, my heart just breaks. She had wonderful adoptive parents and her life has been good, but she missed her mother so much and had to keep it a secret so as not to hurt her adoptive mother. She too kept her pain hidden so deep it was hard for her to admit it after denying it to herself for so many years.

[StacyKelly2]

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. I hope everything is going a little better for you. I just wanted to post and say I think its wonderful that you are chosing life for your baby. Adoption is not an easy choice but it is a courageous and loving choice. I hope for you peace in whatever decision you make. May God Bless...

[djp03]

Originally Posted by Kindreds

Administrators..Anyone watching this thread???It is clear that many of these posters are soliciting this girl by asking that she email them privately. Most of these posters are potential adoptive parents. What happened to the report this thread option?

What is wrong about potential adoptive parents posting on this forum???? I happen to feel it is my duty to occasionally post on this forum in support of adoption in order to provide a balance for the frequent posters who are seriously biased against it. Just because PAP's post here doesn't mean we are soliciting birthparents.

Moms facing an unplanned pregnancy need to know that there are MANY birthmoms who have peace with their adoption plans and are not suffering continual grief and anquish as some posters on this forum may make it seem.

M

[dmca]

I noted that the poor wee girl hasn't answered. I wouldn't either.
I see so much support for adoption and for parenting.
Do I have the answer?
no indeed! I made MY decision with the circumstances around me and my needs and that of the child.
Perhaps if the wee girl that is expecting DOES choose to post again, after all the "this side" and "that side", I can tell her. I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION, WHATEVER IT MAY BE.
poor wee girl. But, on the upside, she has parents that seem from her posts to love her. I'm sure they will support her WHATEVER her decision is for WHATEVER reasons, and so will I.
dmca

[Kindreds]

No problem with posting, but in their posts they asked that she email them privately as they felt they could help her and support her (tranlation, solicit her) I do not believe this is allowed on the forum.

[Boulderbabe]

Okay, I say this as an adoptive mom, but one who is not looking to adopt again right now. So I'm not self-interested in this.

Jenna said that we need to tell expectant moms everything. I think she's right. But that includes telling them that being a single parent is really ungodly bloody hard! I'm a single mom by choice. I became a mom in my mid-30s. I have plenty of education (too much, probably!) a good job, and a middle-class income. And there are *still* days when I think I'm going to crumble under the weight of the incredible amount of sheer work of single parenting.

Single parenting is wonderful, joyful, and emotionally satisfying. But along with all the sweet loving moments with my son, there is also a gawdawful amount of laundry and cooking, tremendous financial pressure, and not much of a social life. I made choices and I don't regret them, but to pretend that life will just roll along if a single woman decides to parent is flat out wrong. Look, I can't leave my own house after 8 pm, because my son is asleep. I can't go out for dinner often, because babysitters are so expensive. It's almost impossible for me to travel---and I have to travel for my job! Lots of nights, I literally fall asleep with my clothes on and the lights on, I'm so tired.

I love being a mom, and I even love being a single mom. I wouldn't change it for all the world. But I wonder a lot how women with less family support, fewer career options, and less money do it. The reality is that single parenting is unbelievably hard. I really hope that as expecting women are making their decisions, they have a realistic view of both adoption and the decision to single parent. The reality is that neither one is very easy.

(Sorry to derail the thread with my soapbox!)

[Praying4ABIRTHMOM]

When are you due sweetie? I do wish you success and I hope you will be blessed with a loving family. God bless

[Shadowfaerie]

I would never tell you anything like "oh it's just teenaged love", love is love and the loss of it is painful. You're going through such a rough patch right now in your life, and you certainly didn't need someone to be so careless with your feelings.

Try to focus on what you would like to see happen with your future, once you make some decisions on what you want you'll get more of a sense of control over your own life and you'll feel a bit better. Don't worry about your high school friends, you'll make new friends sooner than you think and high school is not like college or any workplace you'll ever know. I found life after high school a much nicer place.

[josh1788smom]

I know exactly how you are feeling. It reminds me of me a long time ago. My son was adopted in a closed adoption but by my dad's relatives so I know exactly where he is. He is turning 18 in 39 days. I am counting - what does that tell you. The one thing I can offer as a birthmom - is I never realized how much anger and hatred I'd feel after I had children. I have always felt robbed of my son - but now I have children who have been robbed of an older brother. You are not at that place yet - but as someone stated - it is such a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Families come in all shapes and sorts. Don't assume that you are not the best person for your child. Don't let anyone make you question your confidence in yourself. You will always be changed from this experience - and it can be for the good. One of the beautiful things about having kids - many of your friends are the parents of kids the same ages as yours. Maybe your new friends are just out there waiting to meet you. Best of luck to you..

[HelloImKara]

Hello:

I think that everything you are feeling is completley normal. You are going through a lot right now and have so many important, life changing decisions to make. I am so sorry that you haven't been getting the support you need and deserve. It is hard enough being young and dealing with friends, and parents, and boyfriends, but when you add pregnancy in the mix it gets even more complicated. Remember also that being pregnant can really effect your moods and some people even get depressed from the hormonal changes. Please mention it to your doctor and definatley get in contact with some adoption or pregnancy support specialists to make sure you get the support and care you need.

I also am gratefull you found your way here as there are so many kind people, willing to listen and help build you up when you need it most.

Only you can decided what is best for you and your baby. Being a Mom is the greatest blessing in the world and there is nothing sweeter than holding your baby for the first time. But again it is a huge responsibility and only you know if it is the right time in your life.
Keep your chin up and remember that there always is hope! I'm sure if you do decided to place your baby for adoption that you will be able to find a lovng home with parents that will be willing to welcome you into their hearts as well and give you the support you need to make a great life for yourself!

I will be thinking of you! Feel free to Private message or IM me if you ever need a listening ear.

Big hugs!!!