[Springtime]

Originally Posted by Birth4Mom3

I am a birthmother and fully agree, except I would perhaps say "until she chooses adoption for her child".

Hey! Yeah, I thought about that, too. The only thing that gives me pause is that I would prefer for potential birth mothers to feel as though they are completely free to change their minds at any time, even if they have been matched. So even at that point I would be concerned if a potential first mother is constantly being told what a wonderful gift she is giving. Adoption involves a great loss and it wouldn't be fair not to put that across to a PFM before she places her child.

But I agree, mine wasn't quite right either. Just wasn't sure where else to draw the line, so I drew it somewhere.

[BrandyHagz]

There are first mother blogs all over the internet saying they felt coerced to give up their baby because of the a-parents' need. Too big a risk to take if you ask me.

There are just as many that don't, including mine.

Please don't speak for entire groups of people, you offend those you are trying to speak for.

[kakuehl]

I know that when I chose to place my son for adoption (in the closed adoption days) it was important for me to have at least the information I was given about the family's background. My son was adopted by people with a similar background to my own. This may explain why our reunion has been relatively smooth. Please just remember that if you choose adoption, even if (like me) you're sure it's the right decision, it will still not be easy to deal with emotionally. You will think of him/her probably everyday of your life.

[Springtime]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

There are just as many that don't, including mine.

Just because it didn't happen to your child's first mother doesn't mean it's not a risk.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by Springtime

Just because it didn't happen to your child's first mother doesn't mean it's not a risk.

Springtime, speaking as a moderator, I need to ask you to step back and reevaluate your tone. First of all, if you had taken a few seconds to research the people you are lashing out at, you would know that Brandy is a firstmother. Secondly, we have simply asked you not to speak for an entire side of the triad. We ask our forum members to speak for themselves. Use "I" instead of "all firstmoms" or, in your example, "paps want kids." Many potential adoptive parents care about the well-being of expectant Mothers. You, yourself, are arguing for one. See the contradiction here? Speak for yourself, not others.

That said, this is your warning. Keep ALL personal issues off of the forums. If you have an issue with Brandy, PM her. However, harassing PMs will also result in ban. Please review the TOS: Terms of Service

[djp03]

I believe that the original poster...keegansmum...wanted opinions from both placing and adoptive parents. From my standpoint of an adoptive mom, I see firsthand the bittersweet experience of open adoption with our 2 children. Both of our children's firstmoms love our children IMMENSELY and decided through immense pain and diliberation that adoption was the best for them at that point in their life. I still tear up when I remember the entrustment ceremonies that we had at the hospital/agency. Pure, curageous love is the only word that keeps coming to mind. Frankly, I feel so blessed that God brought these 2 special women into our family and that we have the opportunity to maintain an open relationship with them and their families.

M

[SchmennaLeigh]

Actually, referring to the original poster, she hasn't been active since July.

[Springtime]

Hi again.


It just breaks my heart to read about first mothers who felt coerced to place their children for adoption. In my own way I was just trying to let this potential first mother know that it's perfectly fine to consider only herself and her baby when making this decision.

To clear something up, I am a PAP, but I am a PAP who is very concerned about the ethics of adoption. So when I said "paps want kids", I think that's a fair generalization (otherwise why would they be adoption) and my point is, I think potential first mothers should really talk to someone who is unbiased (which, I think, doesn't include boyfriends, parents, adoption agencies, or adoptive mothers). There are of course people all over the spectrum, from those who would buy a baby to those who believe adoptions should be abolished.

ETA: And, Peace.

[Mommy24]

Springtime, I understand what you are saying completely, but are you saying that there are no unbiased PAPs out there? I have seen many paps here being very supportive to our members who are considering adoption, you seem yo be one of them That said, I still dont think it hurts to hear each side of the triads experience in adoption, we all have some experience as to what can or cant happen in the adoption journey. Thats what I was referring to when I said that I didnt think it could hurt the expectant mom to speak with some adoptive parents, adoptess and birthmoms, each has their own unique experiences.

[Patty-cake]

I suggest in addition to counciling that you read through posts on this site from women who have placed children and how it has affected their lives. It is not an easy road. Read the forum for adoptees and the effects on their lives some for better some for worse. Pray about this and do not allow anyone to push you either way.

[BrandyHagz]

GPT,

Your concerns were taken into consideration, just like everyone else. Your posts have been deleted because they are untrue and hostile – another post like that will get you banned.

Rest assured that this IS NOT the person you are speaking about – and consider the fact that not everyone who uses the name ‘keegan’ in adoption is a scammer.

The person who posted this thread did NOT post this thread from the United States, much less Indiana. It is not the ‘known’ scammer that is talked about in other places.

Attacks like this one specifically are the sole reason why we’ve had to remove the “Scammer” forum from our forums…unfounded accusations and attacks against people without any justification is just as damaging in adoption as the scammers themselves.

Please, take a minute to think about the facts your using to pounce on this young woman…we’ve investigated your claim and you are wrong.

I’m closing this thread – the user hasn’t visited the forums since the message was posted and there is no point in allowing it to turn into a thread filled with unfounded accusations.