[Daisha]

It is all a very personal decision on how you deal with your decision. I only posted what our son's birthmom has told me. This is what SHE did and it helped her! This girl wanted an opinion from all sides and this is mine (and our son's birth mom's)!!

[SchmennaLeigh]

And I offered the opposing view. Thanks.

[musemoon]

I am a foster/adoptive mother and my daughter is the love of my life, I am so thankful to her first mother for giving birth to her. That being said, make sure you talk with a therapist or someone (preferably outside of the family or even church, or anyone whose personal opinion may bias your discision) who can give you a place to discuss all of your options. Look into State assistance, alternative work/housing etc. Having one child already, you can have two, it will be a challenge and a blessing at the same time, but you are already a parent, you can do it.

If you choose to adopt, you will make some family very happy and blessed, but also make sure you interiview them carefully and strive for a healthy open adoption. A child knowing so many people love them is the greatest gift a child can get.

This is a brave choice and both decisions have beautiful and difficult outcomes, but life is full of those. Follow your heart, it will guide you, and don't let fear make your choice, let your heart (and head) do it.

[josh1788smom]

I am a birthmom in an unusual circumstance so I try to not let my thoughts impact how I view adoption and I try to not negatively reflect that view to others because I think there are some situations that benefit all the way around from adoption. I have 2 thoughts to offer: 1. I am impressed as I read the threads here just how much more open things seem to be today. It seems like a move to a much more positive environment and 2. I have 3 small children that I am going to have to tell about my messy adoption situation and I have no idea how they will react to it. I know after my son was adopted, I felt incredible loss - it is so much different to think of it through your child's eyes. Someone mentioned the loss of a sibling for your 9 month old. I would really want to work that one through in my mind if this were my situation. Best of luck to you - come here for as much support as you need. I feel blessed to have found this site.

[Daisha]

Fair enough...I will try to NOT make this an argument thread if you don't! Truce!

[HelloImKara]

Good news is there are so many places you can turn to to get anwers to your questions and to help you make the best decision for you! I think you have come to thr right place!

Big Hugs and best of luck!

[buttonroad]

Hey sweetie,
Right now you have an extremely hard decision to make that will not only affect your life, but that of your unborn child, older child and entire family.. I was in your position when I was 15 yrs old after being raped.. It was years ago.. I decided on abortion.. Back then, open adoption was not even an option, if it were I would have done that.. I am now 41 and unable to have children.. Iam a soon to be adoptive mother, we are awaiting travel to Guatemala to get our son... YEAH.. My heart aches for you... I know you want to do the best for you and everyone involved... But only YOU can make this decision.. So many people adopt even when they can have children, just because they believe ALL children deserve loving homes and a loving environment to thrive and grow in. I know for me I could not have lived not knowing what happened to my child in a closed adoption. I also knew that at 15 I could not raise a child, I felt I had no other choice.. You are obviously raising your son and could raise both children.. But how would you feel if your unborn child, who you will love and be connected to no matter what, wasn't living with you... Some women chose to try and raise the child for a month or two first then decide about adoption... That maybe an option for you....
But as I said, you wanted opinions, so the best I can tell you is to look into your Heart and ask for God's guidance and help... He will guide you... Take care of yourself...

[krajewskim]

I agree with the other moms. I would Definitely encourage you to see out counselling - NOT from an agency, but independent. Don't let anybody make your mind up for you. If you do decide to persue an adoption, I would recommend finding an agency that has counselling for Bmom and suppor AFTER placement. I have heard that a lot of agencies "ditch" the 1st moms after placement - when they need the support the most. Try talking to other bmoms or see if the agencies you are looking at will give you a list of references. I am also an advocate of open adoption. My son has an open adoption and everyone in the triad has reported good feelings about the openness. Please know that there are people here praying for you and ready to listen if you need someone. Best of luck with the tough decision you have to make - God Bless and BIG HUGS!!

[Springtime]

Personally, I think you should not consider the adoptive parents' viewpoint at all. What adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents want or need or expect should not be part of your decision. You don't owe potential adoptive parents ANYTHING and you should be aware of that as you think about placing. Potential a-parents want kids. Fine. That has nothing to do with you until you have placed your child. Right now the child is yours. Make your decision based on what is best for you and for the child. Talking to first mothers and adoptees might make sense.

I hope that made sense.

That's just one potential a-mom's opinion.

[Mommy24]

Springtime, I respectfully disagree with she doesnt need the pap viewpoint, although you are correct that she doesnt owe them anything, I dont think it hurts to see the pap side of things. Everyones input is what makes an informed decision.That said she will still make her decision based on her own feelings and needs.

[Springtime]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

Springtime, I respectfully disagree with she doesnt need the pap viewpoint, although you are correct that she doesnt owe them anything, I dont think it hurts to see the pap side of things. Everyones input is what makes an informed decision.That said she will still make her decision based on her own feelings and needs.

I'm at a loss here. What does a pap's opinion have to do with the original poster's decision whether or not to keep her baby?

[Springtime]

My concern, of course, is that the original poster or other first mothers might see how much some women want to parent, and they might feel guilt if they decide to keep their baby, or they might feel as though they should give a "gift" to the potential adoptive family because the PAF is more "deserving" or more "ready" or whatever.

In the end it amounts to subtle coercion for people to be giving potential first mothers messages about how much they love their adopted child and what a gift it was, etc. The message is, yes! Give up your baby! Because WE (or people like us) WANT YOUR BABY.

So I'll say it again. The PAPs opinion has absolutely nothing to do with the OP until the time (IF and when) she irrevocably signs away her rights to her child.

[BrandyHagz]

Springtime,

Please be careful about using broad sweeping generalizations. Your opinion is fine, but please post it as such - as many DO NOT agree with what you are saying - and of course, not being a birthmom yourself (judging by your signature) you can’t possibly know whose opinion is important to a potential birthmom or not…and even if you were a birthmom and you knew how it felt for you, you would only be a one person, ill-equipped to speak for an entire group of people.

[Birth4Mom3]

Originally Posted by Springtime

So I'll say it again. The PAPs opinion has absolutely nothing to do with the OP until the time (IF and when) she irrevocably signs away her rights to her child.

I am a birthmother and fully agree, except I would perhaps say "until she chooses adoption for her child".

[Springtime]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Your opinion is fine, but please post it as such

What? Why is my opinion the only one that has to come with a disclaimer?

There are first mother blogs all over the internet saying they felt coerced to give up their baby because of the a-parents' need. Too big a risk to take if you ask me.