[kb43]

I am seeking advice. I feel a bit silly because I am 43 and too old to be in this situation, one would think.
Last August I met a man long distance, fell in love, and moved to Denver in December. I am an independent event planner working from home, so I don't get out often and have not yet made any friends of my own. My position will be going away in November because my primary client has had upper management changes and will be phasing out my programs. In a silly oversight I did not pick up individual insurance when my last employer's coverage ended. The romantic relationship has been mostly good, with occassional questions on my part as my beloved has mistrust issues and can tend to be a bit controlling. I had considered leaving a couple of times before, but now I found out I am pregnant. 7 weeks to be exact. He would like me to abort the pregnancy as he is 46 with two kids (12 and 8) and already is in debt, but spiritually I struggle with that decision. God does not make mistakes, and for those with faith he will provide.

I am feeling stupid for being this age and in this position (no insurance, no permanent job, not certain of the strength of my relationship, and no local support) and really would like guidance on where I can turn for support (of all types!) should I opt to go forward, knowing I may have to leap all these obstacles and be possibly go it alone.

It's staggering. Any words of advice are welcome!

[BestLight]

Hi, KB.

I am in Denver, and I PM'd you.

Wishing you well...Lori

[Emster]

Check into your state's children's health insurance program through child services. generally, families can earn a fair amount of income and still be covered. In my state it automatically will cover an expecting mother for prenatal and chidlbirth. Then you can make some other decsiions without having to have that worry on your shoulders. Can't tell you what to do next, but sure admire that you are listening to your spirit on this, despite the obstacles you'll face. None of which are insurmountable...just hard. Sending support and hugs your way!

[SchmennaLeigh]

You are not stupid. And you're certainly not the oldest woman ever in this position.

I do not know your income. Do you qualify for Medicaid? There are other insurances in which you can purchase on your own if your make too much for Medicaid as well.

Take a minute to sit and process all of this. Also, do not take your boyfriend's initial reaction as his final reaction. While it could be, things can also change over the course of a pregnancy.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[kb43]

thank you so much for your response. This all just happpened and all the obstacles seem overwhelming. I'm sure once I get on the right track addressing each one individually we can come up with a good plan, so I really appreciate your direction.

thanks, and congratulations on your newborn!

-Kathy

[kb43]

thank you. I am blessed that Joe is supportive, just resistant to the idea of adding another child into the mix at this late stage in his life. (He is 46.) We are meeting with Planned Parenthood tomorrow so hopefully they can help us lay out the steps to this decision and guide us to any financial support that might be available.

thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

[riverview]

are you looking for advice on keeping your baby, adoption or other venues?

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by kb43

This all just happpened and all the obstacles seem overwhelming. I'm sure once I get on the right track addressing each one individually we can come up with a good plan, so I really appreciate your direction.

-Kathy

Pregnancy is overwheling whether it is planned or unplanned. It takes time to absorb the news.

One thing at a time - you are taking exactly the right approach. Good luck!

Happy G'Ma

[Boulderbabe]

Hi---I live in Colorado, and have some familiarity with local services.

In Boulder County, you would probably qualify for Medicaid as well as WIC. I think Denver County must be the same, although the bureaucracy is a little tougher to navigate down there. Call the Denver Department of Social Services and ask to make an appointment with a caseworker.

Best of luck to you!

[kb43]

Thank you so much for your direction... it's hard to know where to begin!

:-)

[#4 in August]

Don't feel strange about coming to a board like this for support... I'm 30, married and have 3 kids and I'm nearing the end of a VERY unplanned pregnancy at the moment.... Happens to the best of us


Some things I think are important to remember here. Make the choices that are right for you, don't let anyone talk you into anything. And remember.. If you do chose to keep the baby.. You do have a lot of things going for you. I know it all feels overwhelming right now but it does get a whole lot less dramatic as the months pass and the thought of a baby becomes a whole lot more comfortable and normal. You have an education, you have a great work history (things that can't be taken away and are great tools to allow you to do what you want)... This situation, pregnancy, newborns... Are all very temporary stages. You are only pg for so long, birth takes like what... A day LOL Then you heal and give it a couple weeks/months and things will move on and get better regardless if you choose to parent or adopt. If you chose termination.. Make sure it's something you think you could be OK w/... Termination is after all the only completely perminant choice here. If you think there will be regret or guilt.. It may not be the right thing for you. Talk it through w/ as many supportive ppl as will listen. Take in all the advice, weed out what you don't need and retain what you do.

Good luck!

[kb43]

Thank you so much for your reply. it certainly is overwhelming when I didn't ever see myself as a mother, and then there are so many "obstacles", temporary or not. I am sure there are financial support options available but my income seems to be slightly above where the government programs want to assist ($40K), so that financial burden right now is still looming. I wish I could figure that piece out so I could really listen to my heart on the real issue of whether or not I want to parent a child. And it seems like I am on a short timeframe here to decide, but I see your point in how once the decision is made things will sort of settle down for a few months. I look forward to that time!

[Kindreds]

men may come and go in our lives, but our children are part of our lives forever. It sounds as though you have some interest in being a mother so I would say continue to explore those feelings. Hate to say it, but many men leave their women after an abortion they insisted their women have, usually because of the guilt feelings so don't think that by complying with his wishes will be the answer for a continued relationship. Whether he likes it or not, he is now financially responsible for the life he helped created, whether he stays with you are not, you and your child have rights with respect to his helping with expenses. Unlike just 10 years ago, men can no longer escape helping with the financial part of raising a child even if they decide not to participate in the actual raising of the child.The courts will decide how much they feel he can pay towards the support. He may chose not to help parent, but he can not chose not to help financially and I hate to say this, but this may be behind his wish for you to quickly make a decision. Stop thinking about him and focus on your self and the baby at this point. just my opinion, but coming from my heart and experiences such as your own where I placed the needs of other above those of my own and my baby's

[tobeafamily]

First, talk with your doctor. Everything can be negotiated fee wise. Many will give discounts, have payment plans, etc. Also consider proposing a barter agreement - for instance, you plan their company holiday party in exchange for X dollars worth of services.

Hospitals are the same - they will negotiate, make payment arrangments, etc. Typically a routine vaginal birth total costs will be in the $4000 - $5000 range.

Now, remove the financial burden from your mind. Assume it's all taken care of. What is in your heart?

Best of luck.

Regina

[SchmennaLeigh]

Regina has great points. Financial issues are things that CAN be worked through. Some hospitals will write off a bill for someone who cannot pay as they have so many per year that they have to do as part of "charitable works." Due to an insurance change with my last pregnancy, we ended up having to pay a little more than we planned so we just simply set up a workable payment plan with the hospital and all was well. They took into account my income, my Husband's and the fact that we wouldn't have MY income for 12 weeks as I was taking full use of my three months of FMLA leave.

Saving now can also help in the long run. Buy diapers when you're at the store. (Don't forget size newborn. I don't know why, but we did.) Little things like that.

As Regina said, finances aside, what is your heart telling you to do.