[MeganLynn]

I am 21 and pregnant. The baby's father was a friend of a friend & I was irrisponsible for 1 single night at a party (which isint me at all I am really responsible). I am not at all a "party girl" but do go out occasionally. I don't even know the father's last name but I hadn't been with anyone for 5 months before this 1 time occasion... I just found out I am PG. 6 weeks. I also had Infectious Disease testing & am waiting for the results. I am going mad right now!!I have alot of support I guess I am just so scared that I can't do this on my own. I refuse to fully surender my child.. I just won't do it. My baby will need his/her mother & I will need my babby. I already feel this strange feeling of love for this tiny little peanut who is in my belly.. as irrational as that might sound... sence I am only 6 weeks along and my "baby" is hardly anything at all yet.

What about 2nd parent adoption?? Could I keep all my rights to my child but allow a single man or gay male/couple to 2nd parent "adopt" my babby and become a dad with out giving away my baby?? I came from a highly disfunctional family & from what I understand the baby's dad is nothing but a alchie & a drug abuser & it is very likly that he spiked my drink as having a 1 night stand is soemthing that I have never done before. I don't know maybe I jsut had too much to drink?? Point it I do want my child to have a dad but not that type of dad. I know first hand the type of anguish having that type of dad is to a child. I know I am getting ahead of my self... I am only 6 weeks along & any number of things could happen from this point... I have complication or a miscariage.. or god forbid the baby might have some deformity that requires abortion. God I just don't know how to think straight right now.

[BrandyHagz]

I've moved this thread to the correct forum

[Leigh131313]

Hi there!

I don't know of anyway to do what you are seeking....not in a legal sense anyway...Perhaps someone else here would know.

I guess an option would be for you to go into an agreement with someone to do this with you.....but as i said, not sure if it would have legal standing...i'm not sure you'd WANT it to anyway...you might lost some control that you may want to keep?

and just so ya know, i think it's totally NORMAL to feel love for your little "peanut" already. How exciting to be becoming a mother!! Congratulations to you and the peanut!!

[Hey Nonny]

Hi there,

I don't know if there is a legal way to do that and not give up your rights too....but, there is a book you can read and a man you can talk to.

I know a guy called David Strah (he is the one that told me about the lawyer that we eventually used to adopt our son...his kids are Summer and Zev....). He wrote a book called "Gay Dad's, A celebration of fatherhood". He also has a site (google the name of the book...I didn't know if I was allowed to post it here). Anyway, it lists a bunch of different parenting situations involving gay dads. If I remember correctly, there were a few stories about co-parenting (where one of the men adopts the child....like a husband would...w/out the mom giving up rights...). It can give you some direction. This is a good book b/c it paints a very real picture. Everything isn't always sunshine and puppies (what is though?). It might be nice to talk to others who have gone down this road.

It seems that this could be a difficult thing to manage b/c both people will be parents and unless you are absolutely on the same page, it can be very, very hard. If the only tie you have the family that you are trying to "co parent" with is the child....it might be harder then you think. You may be better off finding good mentors and adults that you can use for advice and support (a church group? community group?), but still be the only decision maker. The general opinion in the book was that while they were all happy to have their families and children, it was MUCH harder then they thought. Open adoption would not legally give you any rights beyond what the afamily will allow (but there are many, many good stories about that too...not all a parents will leave you in the dust), and it sounds like you don't think you can do this alone.

You are in the right place b/c these ladies can help you understand that you CAN do this alone if you chose to. You may decide that doing it alone is easier and more effective then involving someone else in the process that has a legal say in what happens. If you decide to place, then you will be able to do that too. The point is, you are the decision maker here and your life will change no matter what. Do your research, talk to as many people as you can. Get the good and bad of all sides and make an informed decision.

Good luck to you in this process and congratulations. Isn't it amazing how quickly you can be in "mommy" mode of thinking? It never goes away. Good Luck.