[Killmark]

Ashlee,

You never actually answered my question as to why you can't parent this child, you say your in college well their should be services provided at low cost or free to assist you with raising a child.

Is a reason that you won't consider parenting simply because it would force you to grow up?

People having been having kids far younger then you for thousands of years, the only reason why the age has increased is because of the artifical sense of childhood created during the 20th century.

You say your alone but thats not true, for a start you have a life inside of you and as others have said their are neutral support services you could turn to.

To be honest it sounds to me your acting purely out of fear and a loss of control, isn't it time you took charge and started acting like an adult.

A

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by Jacob's Mama

I cannot believe that everyone is supporting an abortion and regarding life as something that can just be ended with a quick little visit to the doctor or a pill. No matter what, I realize that none of the options available for Ashlee are ideal for her. However, how can it be easier to move on with life after killing your baby instead of giving it life (whether keeping the child or giving it up for adoption)? Ashlee is now responsible for making the best decision for the baby, not her.


Even women that feel that they were coerced into giving their child up for adoption...how can you think that abortion would have been a better option??

I actually agree with you and Killmark, I only stated that Ashlee should do what's best for her. In fact I don't agree with abortion but don't feel I have the right to tell someone else not to have an abortion. When I found out I was pregnant it would have been easy to have an abortion but I couldn't for two reasons. The most important one is that I did actually want my baby even though it would have meant me being a single mother and it would have gone against my faith.

When my parents found out I was pregnant they were furious that it was too late for me to have an abortion which hurt me deeply. My parents, my mother in particular, were adamant my baby was to be adopted. I didn't want my son adopted either but at least he is alive and in my life now which is so important to me.

Ashlee, you know it's ultimately up to you what happens so I wont try and persuade you not to have an abortion. All I ask is that you think about the latest posts.

Pip

[paigeturner]

Originally Posted by Jacob's Mama

I cannot believe that everyone is supporting an abortion and regarding life as something that can just be ended with a quick little visit to the doctor or a pill.

Actually, I'm supporting Ashlee who has the right to exercise her LEGAL choice in a safe environment. Preaching to her is not support. Telling her to "grow up" is not support. Should you find yourself in a similar predicament you have the same legal protections to make a choice that suites your beliefs and I will give you equal support.

In other words, I'm supporting the person not necessarily the choice.

[BoxerLady6]

Originally Posted by Killmark

Ashlee,

You never actually answered my question as to why you can't parent this child, you say your in college well their should be services provided at low cost or free to assist you with raising a child.

Is a reason that you won't consider parenting simply because it would force you to grow up?

People having been having kids far younger then you for thousands of years, the only reason why the age has increased is because of the artifical sense of childhood created during the 20th century.

You say your alone but thats not true, for a start you have a life inside of you and as others have said their are neutral support services you could turn to.

To be honest it sounds to me your acting purely out of fear and a loss of control, isn't it time you took charge and started acting like an adult.

A

My question is...wouldn't coercing and guilting this woman to parent be the same as pushing adoption? Maybe she simply does not want to parent. I did not and was made to feel like crap!!! If she chooses not to parent that is her choice. And she has stated that she does not want to do so. Why make it sound like its a horrible decsion?

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by BoxerLady6

My question is...wouldn't coercing and guilting this woman to parent be the same as pushing adoption? Maybe she simply does not want to parent. I did not and was made to feel like crap!!! If she chooses not to parent that is her choice. And she has stated that she does not want to do so. Why make it sound like its a horrible decsion?

I object to your use of words, check the definition of coercion?

the use of express or implied threats of violence or reprisal (as discharge from employment) or other intimidating behavior that puts a person in immediate fear of the consequences in order to compel that person to act against his or her will; also : the defense that one acted under coercion.

One of the natural results of sexual activity is pregnancy, abortion is an unnatural state. I am neither pushing for nor against adoption or parenting.

If everyone is saying its your choice etc and making it sound like abortion isnt that bad or that big a deal then what does it say about their confidence in someones ability to act as a responsible adult and member of society?

An abortion unless for medical reasons is a totally unnecessary procedure and what I haven't seen people mention is that it can have a serious psychological effect on a person.

How can suggesting someone takes a longer term then one that is "its the end of the world!" be a bad thing?

A

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by paigeturner

Telling her to "grow up" is not support. Should you find yourself in a similar predicament you have the same legal protections to make a choice that suites your beliefs and I will give you equal support.

In other words, I'm supporting the person not necessarily the choice.

And what if its something she needs to hear? People shouldn't have to be coddled.

A

[paigeturner]

Who are you to decide what she needs to hear? How do you know that she isn't grown up and mature? She came here looking for support from others who've been where she is. I understand the desparation she feels. The panic. The realization that her life has changed....I guess I don't understand how my words are "coddling" her.

Again, should you find yourself facing an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy you can make a choice that follows your belief system.

[tobemoms]

I am shocked to see that some people lost focus of what ashlee wants and needs and are arguing personal opinion. If Ashlee wants and abortion then it is HER RIGHT AND DECISION to see it through. We are here to support "unplanned pregnancy" situations..not preach, judge, or theorize what goes on in other's heads. Granted, personal convictions are strong and just but only to those who to holds them..but this is not about us, it is about Ashlee and her pregnancy, which by the way is HERS. All I hear is a desperate and confused 20 year old that DOES NOT WANT to continue with this pregancy regardless of people's personal opinions. If you cant support that without throwing in your views..then don't post.

[Killmark]

Originally Posted by paigeturner

Who are you to decide what she needs to hear? How do you know that she isn't grown up and mature? She came here looking for support from others who've been where she is. I understand the desparation she feels. The panic. The realization that her life has changed....I guess I don't understand how my words are "coddling" her.

Again, should you find yourself facing an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy you can make a choice that follows your belief system.

paige,

I believe in people taking into account all possibilities, rather then automatically dismissing all but the ones they percieve they can not do. Why is this? Simply because you need to use rational thought rather then reactionary impulse if you going to come to a decision that you will not regret.

Anything is possible if you want it enough, as for the coddling remark it wasn't directed at you but at those that were acting like abortion isnt a big deal, I thought I had made that clear?

In reference to your comment on what she needed to hear you failed to read my inital post correctly, if you had done you would have noticed the question mark.

A

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Reguardless of what anyone says here... or believes here about whether abortion is ethical or when life starts... it really is moot.
Abortion is legal, it is HER body, it is HER belief system -- she is not judged by YOUR(applying to everyone) belief system.

If Ashlee has made the decision not to continue with this pregnancy... then that is HER choice. At least she is not in denial about what is happening and is doing it now-- in a responsible time frame.

AND YES... we ARE going to point her to resources if she needs them.. because we, as HUMANE people want her to have this done in a medical environment.. not a cheap dirty one.

She doesnt need to explain why she isnt considering parenting... or why she isnt considering adoption.... she simply, obviously, does not WANT to... and does not HAVE to justify that to anyone here.

If she isnt carrying the pregnancy, then she wont even get to those choices... they are non-issues.

[paigeturner]

Yes, Christine, that's what I was trying to say while tap dancing around! If my wand was charged up you'd get points!!!

[b4truth]

I don't mean to make this more confusing for you but I have to disagree with angellaa...Has she had an abortion? Does she know how it affects you? It is final! No going back. I have two sisters who had abortions twenty years ago and still anguish over it. In addition, one of them has never been able to have other children(not related to the procedure) but it is a consideration.

I really feel for you but this is not life ending whatever decision you thoughtfully make. You are smart enough to be in college so definitely seek some professional advice. Weigh all your options and by all means, let the father know. Maybe his support will change your thinking or bring you comfort. As for your mother, I understand. It is one reason my sisters aborted. Don't let your relationship with her dictate your response. Actually, don't let any relationship dictate how you live your life.

You are a strong smart woman who has the ability to do anything. I went to nursing school with a girl who got pregnant right before we entered nursing school. She gave birth in our last semester and kept on going. Let me tell you, nursing school is a killer!

Feel hopeful... there are a lot of options. Praying for you

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Ashlee,

As you can see... should you decide to carry the pregnancy... your options at that point are well versed here on the forum and you will get advice in abundance.

Please let us know if there is anything that we can help you with. Really.

And take to heart the message posted about innapropriate PM messages.. please report any that you may have recieved.

Here on the Unplanned Pregnancy board we are here to discuss all aspects of the unplanned pregnancy -- including abortion-- so you will get people from both sides. Please make your decisions based on what you want and not what others feel is ethical.

Christine

[crick]

Just stepping into remind everyone that if there are any pm's sent to another that falls into coercion, solicitation or attacking a member for their choices/words, it is an action you can and will be banned for.

Please remember the TOS guidelines do include PM's.

Thank You!
Crick
A.Com Moderator

[AwaitingBeloved]

I have to agree that we really need to keep in mind this is the board for unplanned pregnancy support. Not an ethics board.

If someone makes a decision, whether it is well thought out by our standards or not, it is THEIR decision.

What if Ashlee were to change her mind about all this because of doubt or anything else, and what if any of us had a part in this, and then what if things spiral out of her control later in life and things get overwhelming and something horrible happens.

Whether Ashlee has thought things out "enough" or not it is her choice and hopefully if she choses to end this pregnancy she will get the support and the medical care she will need to get through it.

Yes, I've seen people have abortions and be haunted for years by their decisions.

I've also heard of people who have aborted and have never regretted for a minute.

It really depends on the person and what preparation and counseling they may have had.. just like with adoption.

And of course, there are parents who have relinquished with regrets. There are others that are so grateful for having had that choice.

Likewise, there are parents that never thought they wanted to have kids, who decided to parent instead of aborting or relinquishing. On the other side of that there are people who thought they wanted to parent, or even those who thought they didn't want to, that regret every minute that they chose to parent.

None of us can say what's best for Ashlee. All we can do is support her through this.

If she makes a decision, regardless of what it is, and comes back in 10 years and says hey, I decided to (Whatever the decision was) and I regret it, at least it was her decision. And hopefully she'd have support then to get through. Just like if she came back and said she was thrilled and at peace with her decision (whatever it is) that we could say Hooray for Ashlee!