[AwaitingBeloved]

ashlee,
We're here for you.. Don't feel like you have nobody to talk to. Come here and vent any time.

I know you believe in your heart of hearts that there's no way you can parent right now.

Is there anyway you could take your time in thinking about this? It sounds from your original post you would need some $$ for I'm assuming an abortion. (Please, forgive me if I'm wrong on this assumption).

I'm not sure how far along you are, I know you just found out. I'm wondering if you can just put the brakes on for a while to let this news really settle in before you move forward with any plan.. give yourself a chance to even accept that you are pregnant.

I am in no position to guide you in any one direction or another. All I can say is maybe slow it down.. I know if you wait too long you can't have an abortion. But how long do you have between now and that time? It's just that your original post sounds so scared and overwhelmed, and I'm sure you have every reason to be.. but I think you should take some time to let this all sink in before you make any commitment to anything.

I'll be thinking of you, and I look forward to hearing more from you and watching you through this journey, wherever it brings you.

All my best to you.

[djp03]

Hi Ashlee,

I hope you are feeling less stressed today. Sorry to hear that your relationship with your mom is not what you had hoped.

If you are looking for support during this difficult time, maybe consider looking under "abortion alternatives" in your local phone book for a pregnancy support center in your area.


You're in my thoughts.

M

[dljamir]

My heart goes out to you. I am a birthmother and like everyone else, urge you to take your time and talk to someone. Whatever your decision, make sure it's your decision, one you can live with.

Like everyone else, I look forward to reading your posts and hope in someway we can help. Debbie

[ashlee20]

Thanks for the comment...but I'm not close to my dad either...

[cute]

Keep in touch ashlee20 we all care on each other here.

[Lynard1210]

Ashlee,

I am sorry you feel there is no one to turn to. I was in the same position as you at the same age many years ago. I chose abortion . . .a decision I regret. It is something that cannot be undone later when older and wiser. I knew when I found out I was pregnant that I would absolutely not tell my parents and absolutely would not parent as I was in college as well. I only told my boyfriend and regretfully, he provided me with half of the money for an abortion which was a message to me about how he felt about our unborn child. I felt I had no other choice but abortion as I feared my parents reaction and rejection and I impulsively made the decision without talking to anyone except the people at the abortion clinic. Needless to say that was not helpful at all since they weren't about to talk me out of it. It was a terrible experience, having to walk through picketers on my way out the door. I was ashamed and couldn't believe they were yelling at me.

Please do not make your decision alone. I have volunteered in the past at a women's center where they have counselors and support groups. You can talk to others your age who have been through this. I know you are terrified. Take it one day at a time. If you believe in God, pray for guidance. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally in the best way you can. If you would like to talk further, you are welcome to private mesage me. Prayers and thoughts are with you,

[BirthMomSurvivor]

Ashlee,
I agree with other posts that you should talk to someone, there is help out there. I placed a child for adoption 8 years ago, and it was the best decision I made. Everyone is different and only you know what you can and cannot handle. Whatever decision you make, make sure that it is YOUR decision. If you are pressured into any decision that is not your own you will have regret and hostility to whoever made the choice for you. Stand strong and know that YOU are the one who has the final say, its YOUR choice, and YOU are the one who is going to live with whatever choice you make, not anyone else.
I wish you well, and if you need any resources for someone to talk to, let me know.

[tobemoms]

Hi Ashlee~
I can only agree with what everyone has posted. You really need to talk this out. Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource. If an adoption is what you seek, call an agency or an attorney to see what is involved. Im sure you have some time left before you need to decide if an abortion is what you seek. You can PM if you need to talk more in detail.

tobemoms
completed homestudy 2/04
many matches many heartbreaks
still waiting....

[etfmom]

Dear Ashlee:

I have no idea the depth of anxiety, saddness, or confusion you must be experiencing right now. I've read all the responses to your message so far and just want to add my thoughts as an adoptive mom. I've met and continue to keep in contact with two out of three of my children's birthmoms. Our youngest daughter was born in Russia and we were not permitted to have any contact with her birthmom which saddens me for both my daughter and her birthmother. I look at my three beautiful, loving, happy children and thank their birthmoms with all my heart for giving them life.

I don't diminish the heartbreaking position you are in but in considering your options I ask that you think of the gift that you could give not only to a loving family but to the whole world. There is no telling what extraordinary gifts you carry in the life inside you. As you've heard from other birthmoms, it's not an easy decision and certainly requires sacrifices. The role of the birthmom and the information afforded to you reagarding an adoption is much different today than it was twenty or thirty years ago.

Ashlee, there's more love and support out there for you than you may realize. Please seek it out.

Beth

[FauxClaud]

Uggg..can we not try to guilt her into becoming birthmother?? She already said that adoption was NOT an option or her.

And the roll of a mother of loss is not all that much different than it was...really..the essence of it is still the same..a mother without her child and it hurts.

blah.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Amen, Claud.

Try listening to the woman speaking. Instead of using coercive language like "think about the gift" blah blah blah, try seeking out resources for this woman. I absolutely detest the "think of the gift you'd be giving a family." The long and short of it is that I didn't give two rips about a family who couldn't have a child. My concern laid not with their hardship and heartbreak at their inability to conceive for whatever reason. Instead, my concern laid with my child. It just so happened that my child filled a need in their life and their ability to all ready parent filled a need in my child's life. But to 'give them a gift' NEVER crossed my mind. I'm simply NOT that selfless.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Ashlee, how are you doing? I'm hoping you're okay. Just want you to know I am thinking of you, like the rest of us here.

[Kippa Herring]

Originally Posted by etfmom

Dear Ashlee:

I have no idea the depth of anxiety, saddness, or confusion you must be experiencing right now. I've read all the responses to your message so far and just want to add my thoughts as an adoptive mom. I've met and continue to keep in contact with two out of three of my children's birthmoms. Our youngest daughter was born in Russia and we were not permitted to have any contact with her birthmom which saddens me for both my daughter and her birthmother. I look at my three beautiful, loving, happy children and thank their birthmoms with all my heart for giving them life.

I don't diminish the heartbreaking position you are in but in considering your options I ask that you think of the gift that you could give not only to a loving family but to the whole world. There is no telling what extraordinary gifts you carry in the life inside you. As you've heard from other birthmoms, it's not an easy decision and certainly requires sacrifices. The role of the birthmom and the information afforded to you reagarding an adoption is much different today than it was twenty or thirty years ago.

Ashlee, there's more love and support out there for you than you may realize. Please seek it out.

Beth

Oh, please.
You've already said you have no idea what she must be experiencing . . .
It's simply cruel to turn the screws.

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by Kippa Herring

Oh, please.
You've already said you have no idea what she must be experiencing . . .
It's simply cruel to turn the screws.

Well said Kippa, posts like that may be well intentioned but turns my stomach. It's almost like emotional blackmail which is exactly what I went through.

Pip

[AwaitingBeloved]

I was actually thinking about this thread on my drive into work this morning.

I'm going to defend Beth's words here. I can certainly see where it could be a hard thing for some people to hear.. And I agree, it is no person's job or responsibility to give such a gift to a childless couple. That's not what I'm agreeing with. And I'm not sure that was entirely Beth's point, but I could be wrong.

What I do agree with, is that parenting, any kind of parenting.. be it biological, adoptive, foster, guardianship, etc, is a blessed gift. I also believe that every life is a gift. I chose to read Beth's post as a pro-life statement more than anything else.

"There is no telling what extraordinary gifts you carry in the life inside you." I completely agree with this.

I think the focus here should be on the OP, and trying to help her through whatever she decides she needs to do. No matter what she decides, her life is going to be different after this. Life after adoption, is different, life as a parent, is different, life after abortion is also different.

We need to be here for Ashlee, IMO.