[UtahSky]

I know it's been a long time since I wrote. Hope some of you remember me? Last I wrote, I had found a couple but still not completely sure they were "it".

They were a very nice couple but after meeting a few times, it still just wasn't a good fit. I really did try my hardest but I guess I just want that "click", and it just wasn't there. I think they would have made great parents to the baby, but not necessarily good friends to me.

I'm back to on line profiles I guess. I told the agency I'm no longer interested in working with them because I got tired of being pushed. It wasn't that they weren't nice, it's just that they didn't seem to want to help me as much after I turned down a few couples through them. They kept showing me profiles of couples I already said no about and just not seeming to understand that what I wanted was for them to truly help me find the right family, not just the next one on the list. I mean, I'm really sorry for the couples that have been waiting for so long, but if there's anything I've learned in my short life, it's that family relationships are so important. I need to have that relationship, if that makes sense?

Baby is doing really well and I'm feeling like a house! I'm taking it easy and not letting things stress me out. The ex is still an ex and he and his mom have stopped talking to me completely now. At first I was upset but now I'm thinking that is actually a good thing because they were just adding so much stress to my life.

Anyway, just felt the need to chat a little! I know I'll be okay and still have plenty of time to find the family for my baby. God will not let me down, I just know it!
Pluma

[shoeshopping]

Originally Posted by UtahSky

I know it's been a long time since I wrote. Hope some of you remember me? Last I wrote, I had found a couple but still not completely sure they were "it".

They were a very nice couple but after meeting a few times, it still just wasn't a good fit. I really did try my hardest but I guess I just want that "click", and it just wasn't there. I think they would have made great parents to the baby, but not necessarily good friends to me.

I'm back to on line profiles I guess. I told the agency I'm no longer interested in working with them because I got tired of being pushed. It wasn't that they weren't nice, it's just that they didn't seem to want to help me as much after I turned down a few couples through them. They kept showing me profiles of couples I already said no about and just not seeming to understand that what I wanted was for them to truly help me find the right family, not just the next one on the list. I mean, I'm really sorry for the couples that have been waiting for so long, but if there's anything I've learned in my short life, it's that family relationships are so important. I need to have that relationship, if that makes sense?

Baby is doing really well and I'm feeling like a house! I'm taking it easy and not letting things stress me out. The ex is still an ex and he and his mom have stopped talking to me completely now. At first I was upset but now I'm thinking that is actually a good thing because they were just adding so much stress to my life.

Anyway, just felt the need to chat a little! I know I'll be okay and still have plenty of time to find the family for my baby. God will not let me down, I just know it!
Pluma

Oh, Pluma. I am sorry that things didn't work out so far. I, too, think it is a good idea for stress reduction AT ALL COSTS if it benefits you and the baby. I am speechless as far as what to say regarding the agency. It is REALLY tough because, IMO, after reading and reading, my understanding is a lot of agencies are not very understanding when it comes to finding a couple that really fits. I am sure they try really hard but seriously, I read somewhere where an expectant mother was actually grilled by her agency b/c she was shown hundreds of profiles and didn't find anyone in particular. They then accused her of not "taking adoption seriously," as IF SHE NEEDS TO CONVINCE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Step away from it from awhile. You do, actually, have all the time in the world to place. Just take care of yourself and ease your stress. Good luck!~

[SchmennaLeigh]

Congrats for standing up for yourself. Have you researched any other agencies? A state-wide or local one? I ask because they are more likely to have better post-placement care for birthparents than the bigger agencies. Sometimes they have less in the way of waiting parents but the quality, as I've seen, can often be higher; both in care for waiting parents and expectant parents. Beyond that, don't ever, ever settle for a family. You do deserve to find one that meets all of your requirements and just "clicks."

Feeling like a house is normal. Believe me.

[shoeshopping]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Feeling like a house is normal. Believe me.

I second that.

[flowergoddess]

Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby. If i remember correctly...weren't they the ones calling your doctor??? If so, I'm glad you went with your feelings and ran away from that situation. You have every right to have as much contact as you want with your baby. And it's great that you're being so selective and making up your mind for yourself, not letting someone else do it for you.

Our birthmom was with another agency and had chosen a couple for her baby, but felt the same way you did. She didn't click with the couple and didn't feel comfortable with the agency. She switched agencies, took her time deciding, and she said when she saw our scrapbooks, she knew in her heart we were the right ones for her baby. We enjoyed getting to know her and spending lots of time with her after the birth. The door remains and will always be open to her in our lives and the life of the miracle she gave to us.

Don't worry Sweetheart, God will give you direction and show you the right parents for your little one. Just keep your eyes open, take your time, and pray for guidance.

Please contact me if you need to talk.

Lori

[happygmom]

Dear Pluma,

It is truly wonderful to hear from you. Here we are - we "meet" electronically and share our woes and take each other to heart. I missed you and worried about you and have never met you in person!!

I am so proud of you for not compromising your adoption needs. I am guessing that the agency that you were working with does not really embrace the concept of open adoption. I suspect that they are only using it to lure women into placing their children. Otherwise, they would be working harder for you and not just the people who are forking over the bucks to them.

You are an amazing lady! You will find the right solution for your baby and YOU!

Hugs,

Happy G'Ma

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by UtahSky

I mean, I'm really sorry for the couples that have been waiting for so long, but if there's anything I've learned in my short life, it's that family relationships are so important. I need to have that relationship, if that makes sense?

God will not let me down, I just know it!
Pluma

(((Pluma)))

I agree so much with everything you said. The agency does not sound like it had your best interest at stake and family relationships are very important.

You see things very clearly.

Good for you for following your heart! Good for you for listening to your inner voice! ....and (((hugs))) for even saying you feel sorry for the couples who are waiting a long time, that shows you have empathy and that is a very good quality. There are people out there who have as good of heart in them, as you have in you.

Your smart to follow your heart!

(((hugs)))

[Happy123]

My sympathies are with you. My dear neighbors are trying to adopt and I think they are feeling overwhelmed on the opposite end. They to trust God is watching over them and guiding them.
Just remember God is always with you!!!!Plus, you were right in standing up for youself and your child.

[Ilovebigbird]

hang in there. you will just know when the right couple comes along

[bromanchik]

Good to hear from you. I am glad you are standing up for yourself.

[Daisha]

I hope you are able to find a "perfect" family for your baby soon!! Good luck!

[UtahSky]

Thanks everyone, it does help to hear that validation! I may not post much but I read a lot and am learning it's so important to feel comfortable with my decisions.

I only have a few more weeks before the baby arrives and am in contact with a family I feel pretty good about. What I really like about them is that she herself told me that since I'm so close to the due date that it would be best not to make a decision until after the baby is born. She doesn't want me to feel pressured into a last minute feeling. I was so happy to hear that!

My house feeling is just enormous! lol.

Thanks again...I really do appreciate the replies!
Happy Thanksgiving!

[momdad2bee]

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling comfortable with the family that you are speaking with!
The potention A-mom sounds like she wants you to do what is best for you ... that is wonderful!

Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving!

Jackie

ps... make sure you post as to how things are going

[mommieof2cuties]

I am glad that you have found someone who is understanding. I wish you much luck in finding that forever couple to adopt your baby. Having been on all sides, a birthmom, mom and almost an amom (have both babies in my care) I can fully understand how you feel and how STRESSED you must be. Take all the time you need and please do take care of yourself God Bless you and your baby Summer

[faithchapman]

Your message touched me a lot, it seems as though you have been through a great deal. I can only imagine how important it is for you to "click" with the possible adoptive parents. you do have to play an important role in their lives. My husband and I just had our beautiful little girl pass away. So we know something of pain. Hang in there, I hope to hear from you.
Faith